I think when I first saw you,
I swallowed you like my anti depressant pills,
and you settled into my stomach.
When I first saw you,
A thousand seconds in time wrapped themselves in silk,
And became cocoons of memories.
Turning into butterflies,
they fly around in my chest.
When I see your smile,
when I hear your laugh,
when I remember the stars in your eyes.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to breathe in all of the air of the earth.
Because you...
You took my breath away.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to live.
For the first time in my life..
I wanted to  live.
But minutes turned to seconds on our pocket watches,
and you sat on the hillside of my insides with a gun.
You sat there and shot down all my butterflies.
And now..
I don't want to live.
And I don't want to love.
I want to die.
You took love from me.
You stamped at it with your feet like cigarette ashes but I'm still burning.
You grabbed me by my throat and whispered,
"I love you."
And as you left me there dying,
with my last breath I apologized for getting blood on your coat.

I fall in love much too fast.
I try to appreciate people.
I've been hurt in the past,
But not all are evil.

I give them all the best of me,
Right out from the start.
I am a loving person,
Eager to give out my heart.

I find you here in waiting,
As if it's perfect that I've come along,
We begin to flirt and speak of dating,
And we enjoy the familiar song.

We speak of moments,
In warm embrace,
Our huddled warmth,
Held face to face,
A kiss on the lips from me to you,
Something pure, something true.
Something with a deeper meaning,
Something finally right on Que.

But when I finally open up,
You weren't ready to fill my cup.
Now I sit, in cold despair,
And I regret, the empty chair.
The one once held by someone true,
Who changed and changed as we grew.
How I long for those old days,
When my hopes were more than flames.

It started out with one
"I love you," said he.
She said, "I love you, too.
It'll always be you and me."

And yet, as often is the case
He was soon on his way
Out the door, he left her
Once there was nothing left to take.

It took awhile for the second
To convince her to let him in
And she was right to worry
Since he left right after, fin.

It soon turned into three
'Cause that's when she stopped believing
She let him in, saying, screaming--
"Oh, please, just stop my grieving."

But that was too much pressure
And he was ill-equipped
To deal with such a girl
So sad, alone, and whipped.

So three faded into four
But he was nothing but mean
He did not love her, not one bit
And the things he did, obscene.

Five tried to save her
Oh yes, he truly tried
But she was much too broken
And sadly, their love died

Six is the devil's number
And there's a good reason why
He used her face as a cutting board,
Now she can't look him in the eye.

Seven could have been her everything
He was her greatest maybe
But neither of them were ready,
Torn apart by an unborn baby

Eight was a late night mistake
Fueled by drunken lust
Though in the morning, she denied it,
He was her needful, solid must.

Eight told nine about her
And he was rather struck
Nine was one of those guys,
The ones who only want to ****

And though she told him no
He simply didn't care
She was quiet, she was still
She pretended she wasn't there.

Ten came rushing in
He saw her eyes and scars
And he said, "There is no yours or mine,
There is only ours."

But she wasn't ready
And their love began to falter
By the time she wore her dress of white
She was fleeing from the altar

But eleven understood her past
She told him more each night
And he promised to be there
And help her put things right.

He waited patiently every day
For her to settle in
For her to remember who she was
Before she attempted to love him.

She remembered back to the days before
The days of one through ten
She realized there was more to her
Than to be an object of men

She started painting every day
She started baking pies
And in the process of filling up her world
She opened up her eyes.

She started to believe in herself
She managed to look in the mirror
She knew that she was worth something
And she stopped living in fear.

Eleven waited patiently
He held her hand when she cried
And she helped him with his demons, too.
She called him out when he lied

Their life together was not perfect
Love never really is
But it was something completely new
It was both hers and his

She never forgot about her demons
But she discovered she could forgive
She could make amends with her past
She could fight her sadness, she could live.

She kissed him softly every night
And he held her close each day
Their story is the living proof
That everything will be okay.