Tonight I promised myself I'd take a picture of him.
(I don't have enough.)
I told myself to wait until it was dark and my chili pepper lights had to come on,
to wait until he was shirtless
his hair was messy
and to wait until the perfect moment-
right after he's seen all of me,
and he's smiling
because there is no outside world,
there is no outside,
the entire universe exists only on my mattress,
and we are laughing because nothing could possibly be wrong-
the perfect moment to pick up my camera and take a snapshot of
the most beautiful guy I have ever met
that is finally shedding his thick skin and letting me see how he has hurt, too.

The perfect moment came and went,
and I was too busy listening and laughing
and lightly tracing his bones with my fingertips and lips
to even think about my camera or remember cameras existed in the first place.

It hurts me.
You're all I need beside me tonight.
Forever.
It hurts me.
I know we can't be anymore.
Forever.
It hurts me.
I will no longer feel your eyes on me.
Forever.
It hurts me.
Knowing that I won't get to touch you.
Forever.
It hurts me.
Your voice lingers in my head.
Forever.
It hurts me.
I want to be yours.
Forever.
It hurts me.
You're all I need beside me tonight.
It hurts me.

*Forever.

Sometimes I
I just don't want to do
The things I have to -

My heart's pinned to the sheets
I feel like
I feel 1000 rocks ontop of me

So I
I'll just stay here in bed
Staring up

Finding patterns on the walls
Maybe my heartbeat
Will clear itself up

I saw him. I saw him there.
I saw him again, standing there.
I knew then, the feeling didn't really go away.
It's still there... was always there.
I guess it will always be there....
here... here inside my heart...
where I keep all the memories we had,
the laughter we shared,
those conversations when I knew that he cared,
the tears I shed for the pain I felt,
those nights I spent for remembering him,
the days I knew I've spent loving him
while hurt
feeling the pain
knowing that I won't ever feel him
beside me again.
He was there, I know, he was there.
I saw him standing there.
He's still here in my heart.
But in my life, I know,
he'll no longer be a part...

And it all comes down to
who goes down on who
because a necklace of bruises
is worth more then diamonds
and words fade faster
then a back full of scratches.
Hands are for more then holding
and sheets serve another purpose;
messy hair tells a far more captivating story.
Because legs are intended to shutter
and sighs that expel uncover
far more secrets then your lips dare utter.