who'd of thought
pulling her chair out
would have me
pulling my hair out?
friends say it's
nothing to be embarrassed about
we all have our unfair spouts
of bad luck or streaks, but
i swear they just do it to **** with me
what - maybe you don't understand
the damage done when things got out of hand
abandoned out of greed
and stranded out to sea
i refuse to float in hopes of finding the land that i need
to eat to breathe please
i'm used to being exposed to those losing clarity


*https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/open-books

I can't afford basic income
I'm too full of selfish thoughts
honestly I'd probably just cop a quarter pound of ***
and smoke it down until my entire mind rots
and maybe other people are okay -
letting their private lives be watched - which, for me
is fine - I have nothing to hide, but don't ask
"by us or them?" when we're supposed to be on the same side.

somethings wrong
somethings off
the nights are short
the days are long
bleeding together
it's too raw, being together
it wasn't always awful

but what kind of basis is that for relations?
brutally escaping in even the most catered of places
chasing - those exit signs i guess
bad at following directions i guess -
so much time passed at my expense
with my ex, spent
so much energy on a situation run down
just closure after a foreclosure - back then we both
double-down on what seemed a fortune but where's the fun now?
little did i know we'd both been better off had i chose to ignore you
but of course  explore new
territory, and now it's terrifying
got gory with all the hellish lying
if you hear this, know that i am fine
better than before and
i hope the same for you
and i aim to do what i came to do
though i'm not a soothsayer
i know that i can't abandon a trail
but maybe that's what happens when
gemini tries to stand on the scales
get suspended in air -
she doesn't end in a veil
let me just end it right there.

She said
I'll never do it again, I promise.
Ok.
Okay - but... how can I be so sure?
and making mistakes at my expense? how will you ever learn?
because I was aching all over while waking this morning
hands shaking as I'm taking, this medicine
I can't take this, it's making - me sick
But for whatever it's worth,
I never wrote a song for, - anyone else,
but Hell, you just glanced and smirked,
tossed it aside, and then talked about work.

i pray for rain
plead the stars
shun the sun
and abuse the earth

we whisper white lies between dark truths
flame-like tongues flicker between teeth
a friendship dependant on what you're able to prove
hoping to appear naive
but nothing to lose
a soul feared, is a soul had
her lipstick smeared, a moment
i wish i could go back
and stop myself, resist
temptation, and tell myself
resist temptation
do it for your future self
he'll be glad you did
but that didn't happen
'cause here i am, trapped in
this passive
aggressive, sad and obsessive
tragic and mixed message flashing
it's getting - me sick