ive seen depression,
many times.
felt the knife,
watched my loves hold
it their hands.
told myself never to feel that way.
not supposed to see loves that way,
not supposed to see sweet boy that way.

felt depression.
felt the hurt in my hands.
truth:
not not want life,
just can't feel now.

being isn't helping.
it's an ache that ebbs and flows,
and now that you're gone,
it throbs and holds.

A lifeless corpse I lay on the floor.
I shake with fear you might return.
Clothes once on my broken limbs,
lie ripped and tattered on the floor.
Blood runs down my face
a wound from being too loud.
"Shut up! Someone will here you!"
A scream cut short by a blow to the head.
Blurred vision.
In my happy place I pretend that you are my husband and you love me.
Your hot breathe down my spine.
Your hands clutching my innocence.
Holding it above my head.
You've won.
Hazy memories engraved into me forever.
You will always be a family member.
But I will always love you.
Daddy by day.
Monster by night.

She preserves her horrors in her bones
every detail carelessly engraved into her structure
every bump along the way creating a signature braille of her history
a silent story told by the curvature in her body
a girl crying on the inside
wheels of fake smiles and emotions move her
she is a mere puppet to a life she cannot control
the scars are too deep
she is too broken
she cannot tell her story
silenced by horror
her bones narrate.

I was your curtain
High on a rod you hung me
Protector of your inner most secrets
A barrier between you and the outside world
Shielding you from unwanted light and judgments cast your way
Hiding the storm that lay outside your window
I was your curtain
Sheltering you from reality that you might look outside
Hiding you from all things a coat of armor
I was your curtain

I breathe in the poisoned fumes,
Of culture, spirit and mind,
Of what I thought was right but turned out Wrong.
I look at myself in the reflection of time,
I scream.
Where Did I go ?
I disappear slowly,
Scared to turn around,
I don't know what is lurking in the corner of my mind.
I sit in the middle as my fears surround me,
But I slowly stand up and face them one by one.
My mind doesn't seem so dark anymore,
I don't feel so dead anymore.

Well I met you at the drugstore
You were staring between the shelves
Wondering if any of the pills
Matched any of the pain you felt in your heart.
You said hey here’s a few quarters,
I found them on the ground,
Don’t you worry about repaying me,
I don’t need them anyhow.
And I said I’ll use them well.
That secret that you hold,
You don’t want to let go.
It tears you apart,
And darkens your soul.
But you know that you need to
Keep it locked, tucked away.
Then the rain started pouring,
We were stranded in the store.
I was holding both my bags,
Searching for ways into your arms.
You said I could stand here forever,
Being here with you like this.
There was a strong gust of wind,
And we started to kiss.
And I said I’ll use them well.
There's a quiet that we know,
We don’t want to let go.
I’m in love with your body,
I’m in love with your smell.
What’s that there on the ground girl,
Is it more than just loose change?
And I said I’ll use them well.

Turn off the lamp,
Switch off the fan.
Quiet these voices
Inside my head.
Don’t you lay here with me,
Don’t you tell me your lies.
Just let me sleep,
Alone tonight.
Don’t sympathize with me.
Because you can’t make me love you
If I don’t.
I can't force my heart to feel
Something it won’t.
It is dark in this room,
I can hear your words.
You make your case to me,
In this final hour.
But I don’t, no I don’t.
Because you can’t make me love you
If I don’t.
I’ll try to sleep,
Your face I don’t see.
It’s your body I fear,
When you’re close to me.
Sunrise will come,
And you’ll hold me tight.
Just give me some time,
To distinguish wrong from right.
And you can’t make me love you,
If I don’t.
Don’t you make my heart change
What it’s already been told.
In this dark room,
Your lasting words,
Begging for mercy
In this final hour.
But I don’t, no I don’t.
You can’t make me love you if I don’t.

Cool ripples of water caress her toes,
sand percolates in between--
sunlight and sea dance playfully,
transcendent and serene.

Gliding high on the playful breeze
wings spreading free and wide--
seagulls call and soar together
over the shifting tide.

He knows she is waiting for him alone
there on that distant isle--
in mind's eye she waves to him,
her face lit by a smile.

Yes, eagerly there she waits for him
feeling his love so near--
she lingers awhile by the water’s edge
seeing his face quite clear.

She's dreaming of their togetherness
of the moment she'll hold his hand--
and while she waits, she writes to him
this poem in the sand.

I breathe you in until I can no more
And savor ev’ry moment that you’re near
Breathless. Winded. Your closeness I adore
For in your sweet embrace I have no fear
I drink you in until I am replete
You fill and overflow my wanting heart
Two souls rejoice and hearts together beat
A bond beyond compare; never to part
And as we slowly dance this dance of love
And all others are but a silhouette
You draw me close; as one; like hand and glove
Then speak to me the words I’ll not forget

And in my heart they’re locked; and there they’ll stay
Forever more – until my dying day

They say that 'opposites' attract, right? So then, the counter-argument to that would be that 'likes' repel, right? But that's not necessarily true, on the contrary it proves itself to be quite false. If the affinity be so great, 'likes' overcome the repulsion and bind to form a completely new element. The energy required is tremendous, but the end result is always worth it.

We dance in the wetlands:
Hopping tree to tree in galoshes,
In snake boots.
We can hear the rattlers and
Crying crocodiles over the
Buzz buzz buzzing of our chainsaws,
But the bossman says stay down.
So we wait and watch, and when
A snake snaps to bite, we touch it
Just so: on the back of the head
With our buzzing tools. Then
We go right back to dancing
Tree to tree and rock to rock.
Step in the water and scaly babies
Will cry out for mother,
But bossman will say to stay
And shoot the mama if she snaps to bite.
We drive them from their homes,
Scaly devils, with our buzz buzzing saws
And our snake boots. We clear the land.
Where they shall go, we shall follow,
Always there is more to clear
More to cut and haul away
But we must be prepared for
Attack, always awake,
Always ready to shoot and touch
The back of their heads, just so,
With our insistent buzzing saws.

No need to say a word,
it's morning in the country,
leave the chirping for the birds.

Lay your precious head,
against my caring arm,
be silent now instead,
let me keep you safe from harm.

Each day I get to hear you,
speaking merrily to me,
I treasure all you say and do,
that lends a tender mystery.

So, take your words and tuck them,
deep inside your caring heart,
your eyes say everything they can,
and that's a wonderful way to start.