I
see
things
as better
if out of my
sight, especially
if it's a problem, Now
I am getting tired of fighting
for everything and getting nothing
It seems as if all this effort is just for nothing
We all end up dying in the end and sometimes making
the effort makes things worse and more painful to live by and
I am just tired of trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect sibling
The one who has to do everything right so that the family name doesn't get
scratched, I fell like yelling to the world that i want to make a mistake and that I am
Tired of trying, I want to run and fall because the best part of the race is the road, getting
back up, I want to make millions of mistakes over and over again to be able to run my
race my way and be there at the finish line knowing that this was my choice it was
something i decided to do with not other voices in the background telling me
what is best and what is worse, people will say Im stupid if I fall, well
I do not care anymore, They say those things when i dont fall
So if they will judge, let them judge me for who i really
am, and not an image I am a human-being
who wants to live to her own risk
Maybe I will get tired on the
way but for me this race
can make a difference
I can change
something
To Me
I!

S
E
P.

1
7
*
1
9
9
7

Find a way
Each and every day
To remind me that you love me
Or else I will forget.

~~~✿~~~✿~~~✿~~~✿~~~✿~~~✿~~*~

We've all had someone we loved and had some one love us.
The hard thing is for that to be the same person.
In my teenage years
I met the Angel of Love.
and the Demon of Lust.
It was a beautiful day
Love flew down
Glowing like the Sun
with wings that roared louder
than all the planets oceans at once.
Leaving the Grass greener
the Trees taller, the Inhabitants calmer
where ever Love spread them.
Love flew down
and said...
"Love my name alone can end all
of your brother and sisters religious wars,
Love is what keeps families together
whose sons and daughters are in war
Love is what cannot be taken from the poor
and opens closed doors
releasing hate lust and envy
so they don't live inside of us no more."
"Yes!" I shouted in tears of joy and pain.
"I once felt loved but I was completely blind
cause if I knew what Love was then you would still be mine."
The sky darkened.
Thunder and lightning
flashed and exploded,
From a space of dark smoke
flew up
the Demon of Lust
drooling with a devilish smirk that could turn mean old Grinch
into Santa Claus.
Looking around to see the weak
shaking at the knees
itching for a fix.
Lust says,
My presence alone will make a hundred of you bow down to me.
One thought is all it takes and I control your mind.
Penetrating your dreams even in the daytime.
I've turned husband and wives and into adulterers
and desperate souls the culprits.
Families broken.
Connections forgotten.
I'm responsible for ALL of the illegitimate children.
the Demon of Lust
then Paused
and grabbed the Angel of Love's hand
and said,
"I too
once felt loved but I was completely blind
cause if I knew what Love was then you would still be mine."

Some days maybe I want
To be burned
Somedays maybe I want
To touch the
Fire
Maybe somedays I want
To feel

My father always told me
"There are only good things in this house, my darling. There is nothing to be afraid of."
And every night I still slept with lights
the one on the table
in the closet
on the desk
and the hallway light too
Because I always felt another presence
lurking in the dark corners
turning my house into a haunted space
And it was not until I was older
that I realized the creatures that haunted my youth
were only inside of me.
And once they left my body
The house my father always spoke of
materialized before me
And it was big
and clear
and bright
*and safe.