I feel like a billboard
FOR ENTERTAINMENT
is stamped in my face
I'm a disgrace
They are sitting at the circus
Waiting for black beauty to play
I'm for entertainment
Every move that at make
I'm a  Circus clown
Watch me do flips
Watch me fake a smile
Paint on fake lips
Watch me jump from buildings
And hope I miss the swimming pool
But I land in a pie
haha they fooled you
Watch me as I move
Laughter from the seats
I try to scream
But all you see
Is a clown being stupid
A clown being silly
Smile please
I'm trying really hard
I don't want to cry
I would cry my make up off
This won't last long
The spot light is stealing it all
Your stares are burning me
Your laughs are hurting me
Why can't you see
I'm for entertainment
When I walk into school
Your stares seem
Your stares seem to scream
*entertain me

One two three four
Turn around and shut the door
Five six seven eight
You say you love me
But now it's too late…
amanda
my never ending story begins here.
when i was in 7th grade
i would go on webcam with my friends
so i could meet and and talk to new people
and the compliments did not end…
then…
someone said
“show me a little more of your beauty”
i was in seventh grade
nieve i didn’t care
then 1 year later
a facebook message told me
that picture is still there
amanda
the man who sent this message to me
new everything about me
how he got that information
i don’t know
but on christmas break
i didn’t think anything of it
it was too late
for him to do anything
my life was great
but a knock knock knock at 4 am
change the way i felt
my picture was sent to everyone
i felt like i was in hell
this lead to anxiety
all the time i tried to hide me
amanda
didn’t want to go out in summer
because i knew that mistake would find me
amanda
and it did
it found me in different substances and alcohol
my anxiety got worse than it ever was before  
a year past and the man sent me the list of my new school and friends
just when i thought the torcher would end
but it got worse
this time it was a facebook page
the picture of my “beauty” was his profile
i
amanda
cried every night
lost my friends and respect again
walked down the hall being called names
being judged
again
i would never get that photo back
it was out there forever
so i started to cut
and i promised myself never
i had no friends
sat at lunch alone
so i moved schools again
just to be alone
but it was better this time
a month later i started talking to an old friend
he was a guy
we texted back and forth
and it was kinda nice
but then it got better
and he said he liked me
but he had a girlfriend
but he still liked me
so one day he said
“come over, my gf is away”
so like the teenager i was
i
amanda
made a mistake
we
got together
i thought he liked me
but just like every other
that mistake found me
one week later he texted me
amanda
saying
“get out of your school amanda ”
his gf and fifteen others came to find me
amanda
her and to other just stood there and said nobody liked me
amanda
a guy said in the background
“just punch her already”
so she did
she threw me to the ground
and punched me
amanda
over and over again
but the worst part was it was taped
and i was left there
alone
amanda
a joke in this world
nobody deserved this
this hurt of the world
i lied and said it was my fault
that i told him to do it
i didn’t want him to get hurt
and it’s no different if they put me through it
because i thought he liked me
amanda
there was one person in the world
who like me
but he just wanted what i could give him
so i just layed in a ditch all day
feeling like nothing was right
until my dad found me
and brought me home that night
i wanted it to be over
i wanted to stop the pain
so when i got home i drank bleach
and thought the pain would go away
it killed me inside but not out
so the ambulance came
and saved me
but i was still dead without a doubt
because on facebook
they said
she deserved it
i hope AMANDA is dead
and i tried so hard but i couldn’t get those words out of my head
and i didn’t want to press charges so i changed schools instead
i
amanda
just wanted to move on
but i was being tagged with pictures of bleach on facebook
how could i
they wanted me gone
i
amanda
a person
made a mistake
and on my story video
the comments
i could not take
the last words i read were
darwin at it’s best
but i’m just amanda
no more perfect than the rest

i was up there
on the chair
feeling underground

they said i was the underdog
they meant i was a hound
i was up there on the chair
feeling like a queen overthrown by the silence
but you still told me to dream

i was up there on that chair
thinking of the writing
everyday i was fighting for something i couldn’t do
i was up there on the chair
thinking of you calling us family
but telling me what i couldn’t do.

i was up there on the chair
thinking of my face
every single cut and bruise
now it’s the end of the race

i wish that i could speak, but speech is for the important

i was just there

nothing but a stare

waiting for you to say “i love you”

but i had to choose

i didn't’ want to take all the mental abuse

so on this chair i think of words

big small

or not there at all

everything you should have said

everything you shouldn't have said

when i asked

“if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound?”

you said no

but you told me i was as strong as an oak

do you not here my fall?

are you not here at all?

“you wanted me to grow, but lowered my self esteem.

if you wanted me to be fixed

you shouldn’t have pulled me at the seams”

so now i’m up here on this chair, thinking of the words

all the silence

i just wanted to be heard

i

am

the chair

just like it does now

i fall

and yes you would hear a tree in the forest

**it cannot make it’s own fall

She was a mother
A mother of four
The father is in jail
people call her a *****
and every day she goes out to
228 Oak lane
so she can see her babies
tied in chains
Most are in gangs
or they where
now they are in jail where they can't touch her
she will never be able to touch her babies again
feel their skin
because There is a 2 way glass between them
She looks to her side and she sees A 9 year old boy
he doesn't understand why he has never touched his brothers
why they will never fight over toys
The mom looks down with tears in her eyes
she promises him that the 2 way glass will never cut between them
**but she lies

little ole boy
with a knife in his had
stares at the blade
he wonders
when will this all end

litttle ole boy
stared at his only friend
and he opened his wrist
and gave him a red wrist band

little ole boy
clothes are stained with red
lips are blue
never will be used

little ole boy
gave it all you could
gave all you could give
but the red wristband always wins

I thought we where friends
but her shorts showed to much skin
her body invited me in
her screams where uniformed
her skin was just to warm
I could tell she wanted more
by the hairs standing on her arms
why was she fighting back?
maybe she needed a drink
maybe acholol will help her think
I got up for a second
but she tried to run away
I tied her to my desk
until she knew she wanted to stay
I tried to give her acohol
but she spat in my face
I shoved the glass in her mouth
all she needed was a taste
While I was waiting for the acohol
to make the change
she started to get loud
screamed she would get saved
so i punched her in the face
It wasnt me
dont you see
she wanted me too
her shorts were to short
she showed to much skin
when she walked into my classroom
she basically invited me in