I let him touch me
trace the curve of my spine
Glide his fingertips over all my insecurities
I told myself it would be okay

Now I'm thinking
maybe from the start
I wasn't okay

It had made sense
they were
lips locked- hands searching
finding nothing but bliss

So why couldn't I find the same?

It started off slow
a flick of the light switch
a giggle past closed lips
then he tugged on my shirt
I went with the flow

Why did I ignore my inner pleas?

Side by side
I couldn't feel any closer
a tickle of breath on my neck
hands trailing
I told him to stop

Or so I thought I did
because quiet is my game
and sometimes words fail to make it past my lips

regardless
she tells me I'm not wrong to feel the way I do
but aren't I?
I can't comprehend what I want
or how I should feel

I'm a walking calamity
I just need to learn how to speak

I have no excuse
because that's the thing
I had my goodbye

I was just too young and naive to understand
you were leaving me

now I want you
desperately

I can't call out your name
you don't exist anymore
and I can't search the earth for your stories
they'll never be told again

everyone is forgetting you
year by year

I don't remember you
but I never want to forget you