A new year has been brought,
through new eye's I've seen and sought,
my feeble trouble's, no longer a trouble no more.
My eager thought's spinning and turning,
until they can not turn no more.
A  new state of mind,
a new will,
a new way.
2014, what else can I say?

6 a.m. : wake up go to the bathroom, take a shower. Cry. Get out, dry off, get ready for school.
7:40 a.m.: put my shoes on, smoke, die a little.
8:30 a.m.: at school , hating every minute. Seeing her hurts.
3:30 p.m. : Get out of school, get high to get happy, Pass out, wake up.
6 a.m.

I told myself a day from tomorrow,
that I'd stop this pity and get along with sorrow.
It sickens me and leaves me here,
UN-guarded and filled with a craving like none before..
the needle it sinks in my skin as I slowly am embodied into clay,
morphing into the different sounds and feelings that illuminated the bare room.
Staring into my own face,
looking at the face of death with no regret.
I walk on day by day revealing this unnatural smile of mine for all to glance upon.
Put out of sight,
out of mind,
I can't find myself.
In the sympathy of thought that nestles the moon,
I am hiding here because of what I will be soon.
The next drug addict or ******.
H E L P ?
G O D ?
A N Y O N E?
No one is there.
Thy creator left me in a dark place,
where my mind could never set free,
could never escape.
This is my destiny,
my fate.
Hurry! Don't anticipate before your timing is too late.
Somebody call the mortician,
somebody get him here fast,
because soon enough nothing will last.
Just the foggy memories of my decimated path,
It lay tangled at your feet,
I'm your aftermath.
The anarchist ******.

Another day, Something done wrong.
Another day, and it shouldn't be long.
Before I snap, act out of control,
who knows what it is I will do.
You invite me in for discipline and while your at it you tell me again,
Of how I'm a failure and not fit for this place,
Taking me down another notch, to my self hate.
So when I quit and you say it is I who failed you, remember that no;
It is not I that have failed you but it is you who have failed me.
Another day, wasted.

Feeling's like this.
What is real?
Where is the bliss?
My soul it ****'s.
Out come's the blood, it spills, it spills.
Being pumped with these artificial feeling's,
So surreal.
Fed false faith and archaic hope.
Do yourself a favor,
tie finely together your rope.
A noose to end it all, a noose to have your problems weigh.
A noose to be the solution at the end of the day.
Life is Artificial.

No taste.
Nothing to be described but bland and bitter emotions.
Nothing is to be enjoyed with this taste in my mouth.
Vile and disgusting.
I spit what else was left on the tip of my tongue out.
No taste.

They all ran,
They couldn't run fast enough.
They all fell,
collapsing with death in their veins and the departure of their souls.
Life oozing out of their bodies,
all of them lay in their own blood face down.
Body bag by body bag,
I saw the lives I had taken,
the people I had shaken.
Blood was painted like a canvas across white walls.
It was beautiful to my sick and morbid ways.
I had to ****,
I want to **** always.
The smell of death in the air,
nothing sweeter.
Nothing more to make you feel alive.
Slit the throats of the breathing,
Annihilate who is left.
  **** myself after.

A bit of death,
a bit of life,
a little bit of loneliness can invite it into your life.
When in boredom and in doubt I take the glass and heat the spout.
I inhale and then in me I am one,
but without the red dragon being a part of me,
I am uncontrolably spun.
It races, it slithers through my veins,
causes a riot in my heart and my veins,
I have became the beast.
I have chased the Red Dragon.

It's only best to write when the feeling's height,
that is when it is best.
Not when your thought's are singing a popular song, you feel as if you need to write along.
It comes from you, not someone else,
It comes from the silent heart, not a pair of head phones.
If you've plagiarized, you are not a writer, you are just another plagiarizing fool.

I asked for it,
I really did.
I pushed you away because I could.
She was never toxic ,she never bit.
She never doubted me, and for that I feel like ****.
I can't take back what I said or my actions that took place, I can't take back words and just erase.
The damage I have done.
Her eye's I imagine to be red and with tears,
She has no limit, no anger, no fears.
She's not held back by me anymore.
And for this I am forever in sorrow.
Don't sympathize me.
I am cruel, I am unfaithful and for that I am a fool.
Don't sympathize me.

I don't want her,
I don't want me,
I want my drugs and to be left be.
If I end up sad and alone you'll find me laying on the floor at my home.
Just my drugs and what use to be me.

Another wasted thought in my convoluted  head.
Another pillow to cry in, on my fold out bed.
Another reason to miss
The sweet solace,
Of your touch,
I miss it much.
Another day wishing I was enough.

I am the being filled with hate; the hate-monger they stare at and they dissipate.
I am scattered on the floor, they realize it’s me but I feel as if I can’t be this being anymore.
So lost just to be found and hated by thy self.
I hate thy self, thy hate-monger.
I found happiness in a little black river,
the river I drown my sorrows in and collect the little pebbles of hate that rest against the gentle bay of the deep dark little black river.
I quiver with the thought of not being able to hate, it’s all that I have become to know, all that I have ever known.
I live the day’s as a shadow, casting upon every wall, I am every shadow on every wall, this is how I live.
I seek for comfort, seek for sleep, but nothing comes just the hate that seeps, seeps through my vein’s and causes terror again, inflicting horror, inflicting pain.
I’m on this hate rampage again.
I feel desolate in a place filled with many, my eyes observe the room with a strong aversion to the ******* of other eye’s meeting mine, they entwine like ruby red vines stretching across my many shadows on the walls that I claim to be mine.
They are many, but many of them that are not mine.
Thoughts course through my brain waves like the on going tick of a grandfather clock, the clock is forever going, it never stops.
Its tick urges me to speak, but no words will utter a sound, they are filled with maniacal yet tedious comfort that I am not the only hate-monger who hates.
We all hate and live to hate and judge for no reason, why we do these things we shall never know. Out of human nature we are all looked at as animals eating the dead carcasses left as scraps for the maniac animals we are.
We are hate filled animals, and one by one they will put us all down.

Nothing but drugs and violence on the television who tells us to be tyrants.
We aim to revolt,
They aim to be ready,
Keep the dream alive and our eyes steady.
Thick is the tension in the suspension of an all out revolution.
Breaking free from our government is the only solution of a new evolution of how to live and who to be.
Free for all,
All for anarchy.

This is a bitter hallucination.
A group of love longers and constellations,
that fill and **** my heart.
If it was only I could touch the sky,
feel the wind as I start to fly,
higher and higher,
I dare to go.
Just to descend graciously to the ground and show that I'm no stranger to the lengths that I go.
Have mercy on me,
on my tantalized heart..
you were just a fixation, a hallucination.
You had me by every word,
every curve of you swaying,
as if the motion was made by angels.
if love is a noose then I am the hangman,
hanging there effortlessly,
with life no longer ripe upon my cheek.
Only the angelic voice of my hearts true beholder with held the mellifluous tone of my broken days.
I grimace at the thoughts that lead me to believing in your leechy ways.
The grotesque touch of your filthy ****** hands on mine making me cringe and imbue nothing but the shame of falling in love with a hallucination.
A bitter-sweet,
traumatizing,
hallucination.

It was squishy against my skull,
the green grape which was dull.
As it flung across the room and proceeded to zoom, zoom, zoom.
I was hit, forehead and on, with the grape that I survived from.
Hit by a grape.

Nothing noetic,
no more poetic,
Living, breathing, human being.
I am the end of all meaning.
I am the death dealer,
the time healer,
my soul will be souring from life times on and on.
I am the aging and raging just to get another shot at being young.
I am many people, many things.
Maybe it's just my conscience who's gone insane.
I am many.

I find it odd and a bit un-fair,
how these people mimic,
laugh and stare.
I hate this place,
where concentration is forced,
I hate this place,
It is my torment.
I'm invisible, so it seems.
They acknowledge then ignore,
I've learned to not acknowledge anymore.
So if you see me, you really don't,
If you know me, you are fooled,
This facade that I maintain.
I am the young crazed and hungry,
I find it a bit funny.

Beauty strangles the beautiful.
Ugly stains their hearts.
The taste of expensive living and style has been the medicine to your lost time and confusion.
My thoughts like a atom, bouncing around in it's concealed wall, in a prison.
The only light I have is the light to my window.
The tiny window I peer out every so often to get a glimpse of true beauty.
The nature is breathless.
The timing is inevitable.
The day is perfect.
Nobody can hear me.
Only the wind and the clouds be my guide.
Only a gravel path to set me to a potential free.
I'm killing angels to find me, I'm promising my soul to the devil behind Me.
Come on God try and find Me.
I'm all alone.
I'm hiding, I'm hiding.

In a good way I can say that lusting over her and fantasizing over her isn't a bad thing.
Is it bad to crave someone else?
She fills me with desire, every glance she peers up at me I melt.
It's uncontrollable, I cannot be trusted with you.
My body has been set on fire.
My curiosity has been brought back in scorching flames.
I wonder what it's like to taste your lips, to taste you.
To inhale you like the finest drug and keep you in my lungs.
The high would be perfection.
Your the safest of all drugs, yet dangerous.
This is why I've chosen you.
Inject me with your bare hands, slide them down my waste and ****** them inside.
Inside where you can make me feel whole.
You burned me in a good way.

They tell me to fight,
but there is no fight left.
Running from a battle that's has me out of breath.
Nothing to give,
no ammo to shoot,
nothing to say,
no words are left.
My mouth is dry, my throat burning with thirst,
My heart with the feeling as if it could burst.
I'm losing a battle that was never to be won,
I'm losing a battle, only to one.
You push, you pull, you follow me around.
Soon enough I'll get tired of this.
I'm not a puppet that you can play with.
I let you tug, I let you pull,
You're my puppet master, but you are cruel.
I'm losing this battle.

Vague is the feeling, dark is the delight, feared is the memory of your cold dead sight.
Your love was killed by the twisted moonlight.
I remember hazel brown eyes reversed into a song, a Melodie of skies.
I can see the colors now burst in the air and up above so tender was the forbidden love.
I now ponder in amazement towards the moonlight sky.
An embrious scatter of stars lay in the earths bound movement, slowly, cautiously I begin to wonder.
But only to the moonlight dancer.
I have heard your voice and I have seen your face, but only for it to bring back a tattered trace.
I remember when all was good.
I remember when you use to love me the way that you should.
I watched you walk away slowly with these words only a trickle on my tongue.
With a "good...bye" your voice had rung.
Those words lay pasted down to my heart and glued.
Moonlight dancer come back to my hand, moonlight dancer take me to your rythmatic land, moonlight dancer take my hand.
Her coldness piercing my heart, her absence tore me apart, and now her funeral to only end me.
Please come back and defend me.
Slowly the blade slit across my wrist in a song like structure.
I let the music flow down from the wound, and now my mind it will consume.
I'm lost and in love by moonlight dancers song.
Where else could I have gone wrong?
Moonlight dancer come back to my hand, moonlight dancer take me to your rythmatic land, moonlight dancer take my hand.
Moonlight dancer just please breath once again.
Moonlight dancer?

My name is addiction I'm the frenzy you feed,
my name is addiction and you begin to read.
You need me, you want me, you won't doubt me.
My name is addiction and you are my victim.
My name is trouble I come when your alone,
I'm the one that brings addiction home.
My name is pain, I know you well,
you think your in purgatory, No,.. your in hell.
I'm sorry for this, this haze, this bliss.
I can't remember the last time I was sober.
Then again I can't remember the last time I was dead..
I'm on fire, burning with blue passion.
My name is love and I caused you pain,
I brought you addiction and trouble again.
I can't continue.. continue falling..
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THE RABBIT HOLE.
Where is the smile you smiled ever so easily?
Where is the meaning you inject inside of me?
Where is the comfort that you fill with my lungs?
All gone, all that remains is sober thoughts.
My name is Tonya.

Today coldness is never ending.
My body is falling, descending, descending.
Treading deeper into the darkness of an elixir's path,
treading closer to the aftermath.
This is where the wicked and weak stay,
in the empty darkness where lovers lay.
Today coldness is never ending.