the morning

7:30 am

I'm awake again, I'm alive
But am I, really?
Every day I wake up and ask myself this same question.
I feel myself breathing, but I am completely numb.
Everyone I love has tired of me - all I have left
Is the battle in my head; my demons keep me company
I've wanted to end it so many times- wanted it all to be over - but the truth is, the person I used to be; happy, full of life died long ago.
All that is left
Is an empty shell of the man I once was
Life is an endless loop
For me
Beginning at

7:30 am

holding on

i hold on to the people in my life
that i love so much
but every time
one of them leaves
the chain weakens
and i am closer to falling
hoping that it will not break
and I will always have someone to hold me up

fog

i started this journey long ago
walking on the pavement
but then one day i looked down
and it was broken - i was broken
i trip on the cracks and fall
i compose myself and stand back up
to face another day
but the road has run out
and all I am left with as i walk along the ground that was once a road, but has since turned into dirt, is the monster called depression-
it tells me i am nothing
that i am not worth it
but i continue walking
lost in the fog
hoping one day to be free

clocks

ticking away
the hours, the months, the years
but despite time moving forward,
i am frozen - alone
in a place where the sun set long ago and has yet to rise again
i sit here and write in the dark
and in the background i hear time move forward
but i am suspended in the night
waiting for the day when the sun will rise again

lost

i am drifting
lost in the sea of my mind
all around - all I can see is open water
my head is above the water, but i feel it pulling me down
this monster that has taken everything from me
it’s name is depression
it pulls me deeper and deeper
until the waters go still
and there is nothing

night

i walk alone
into the darkness
i see so many things, my feelings come to life
i see the sky on fire - i can feel the heat
it burns my cheeks, but I welcome the pain
for it is the first thing i’ve felt in a very long time
the trees ignite
i am surrounded by the heat
then suddenly, all of the flames are gone
and i realize that the night - the darkness has engulfed everything, even my mind
depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again
i want to run from it, to dig my way out
but all I can see is the darkness
for miles and miles

at first I felt everything
the good, the bad, and the sad
but one day all of that was gone
and all I could feel was the darkness
everything was gone - my happiness, my love, my life
and then they started feeding me pills like candy
it worked for a while - but isn’t it too good to be true?
now I’m back in this place
the drugs don’t work anymore- but as I feel it come over me, I realize
my depression has become the inescapable drug - do I really want to get better? Or am I comfortable in the darkness?