Why do I think you love me when you don't
Why do I feel you longing when you won't
Why do I feel ways I've never felt before
For someone who's never walked through my door
Why do I try so hard to believe
In a false idea that can only deceive
Why does my heart weigh heavy for you
Why don't you feel the way I do
How did you capture me like prized prey
How can you throw me back to the wild frey
How can I feel love for the idea of you
When the only truth left is you don't want me to
When my love feels light and blows on the wind
I find myself on your hook reeled in again
But you aren't throwing it out for a catch
You just want me gone, a bad batch
I'm sorry for loving you
But still I can't help it, I do
I cant explain
I can only exclaim
That your worth all the love I have to give
But my mistakes infuriate you to seeth
Well it is all done and blocked off now
Is it my turn to get over you somehow

Google it.
Read all about it.
Watch videos on it.
Make it a core part
Of every decision
You ever make.
You don't need anyone else
To tell you anything else.
This is what cured me.
You're not broken.

So much today.
Signs and synchronicities.
I didn't notice them at first.
They were just the
Everyday occurrences.
But then as I got closer to you,
I realized my anxiety
Had decreased.
As each mile passed
I felt at peace.
Then I had to turn
And from you go east.
Again the rise in anxiety.
Still the sensation,
Even though we are not visiting,
My soul has come home to me.
Our soul or frequency
In the same place or
The same vicinity.
I know I always feel whole:
But I feel even more whole...
Like we are complete
Near each other.
I don't even have to see you
To have this peace.
So what would happen
If we were together?
What would that feel like
If this feels so good?
I still can't believe
I knew your car was
teal/turquoise!
How did I know that?
I hope you feel all this too...
Have a good show
Twin flame.

Cuz you remind me of Chris
I can't do this
Chasing you down the way
I won't stay
If you'll stray
But you can't stray from
What never held form

Thank you
You're beautiful
I'm grateful
I'm looking elsewhere

I want to block you so bad
But whats the point
When I'm just going to
Turn around and unblock you
Again
Seeing your face
Seeing your kind words to others
Triggers the memory
Of how you first ignored me
How you gaslit me
With the "my guns are so tight"
Comments
How you treated me
Like I wasn't worth your time
Except where you
Could use my material
To fill airspace
You treat everyone differently
Than you treat me
I wish I could keep you blocked
But I don't
I sometimes think
I'll wash my hands
Of the entire community
Walk away and
Leave all of you behind
Perhaps someday
I will
Love me, want me, talk to me
Or don't I don't f'ng care
I deserve better treatment
Than I can get from you
I'm good enough
I'm worthy
You're blind
You'll only miss me
When it's too late
Just like all the rest

Another day of missing you.
When will this end?
When will my heart and soul move on?
My mind gets that it's a no go.
The rest of me is slow.
I love you.

I spent so much time
Refusing to think about
What I saw in you
That I don't really remember
What I saw in you anymore
You are just a judgemental
Cranky old man

I am filled with love
It permeates and radiates
I feel this anxiousness
Don't fret
You can never run out
Of the love I contain
It persists
Through the ages
Be love
Be peace
Be yourself

I feel you
Missing me
Are you?
It's okay
The question is rhetorical
You don't have to answer

Someday
Someone I love
Is going to love me
As much as I love you
And he will wife me the f up
And we will live
In matched effort
Loved ever after

You provided a dream
The catalyst to my healing
The doorway to my return to peace
So that when I meet someone
Prepared and willing to love me
I'll be prepared and willing to love him too
And for that I thank you
You refuse to be the one
But you got me ready for him

Your 5D kisses
May have saved my life
Making me just late enough
To avoid a car accident
On the freeway
Thank you

The rain sparkles
Like glitter
Made from the dust
Of grief

I am filled with fear
I am filled with doubt
Still I'd spend every day
Of the rest of my life
Working to clear those out
And replace them with love
With you

My intuition is wrong
And you really don't love me
Fine, I'll let you go then
Goodbye

It took a while
But you captured me
In an astral plane
We cannot be
Stay where you are
In reality
But visit all you like
When I sleep
I'll never tell you
What I've seen
When we travel
In night's dream

The love remains
Missing you remains
I don't know you
Not like I did then
Not like I ever did
But I feel you
I vibrate with your presence
I feel enraptured
By my love for you
Unconditional
Everlasting
Unwavering
Quaking through
My unrequited heart
My soul at one with
Some essence of yours
Something you left behind
Unnoticed
That is mine

Write me
I miss you
Eh whatever
I don't need anyone
Hold me
Ok fine let me go
I'm the one for you
Let yourself know
But really I'm fine
Alone

It is too late
I manifested for years
Nothing changed
He never came
Now
I no longer know
How to lay next to someone
I no longer want
To risk unacceptance
Alone is
So peaceful
I can imagine different
But I can't feel it
You are too late
Which is fine
Because you were never coming
I hope you find someone wonderful to love
I don't really care to stop being alone now
Bodies are hot, sticky, and judgemental
I'll pass
We lived a full life of love
In my imagination

I've always had a lover with me
Or a friend
Every time I stopped here
And now I'm here again
But this time I'm alone
No one with which to chat
Sitting at the bar
Where we once sat
Pairs and partners alike
Just to have a bite
Alone not even twin flame presence
In this freedom I take flight
But still
It'd be nice to have someone
To chat with

I didn't know to treasure our moments together
I didn't know I would love you so deeply for so long
I didn't know I would lose you
My love for you erupted like fault lines after a long stillness
My love for you was a tsunami on a calm ocean
I look back and I cherish every moment we had
Before I made you hate me
Just by loving you
Too much
After all my love
Was washed away
By my anxiety...
And your compassion
Well you have none

Walk through that door
Say empathetic things
Slide me into your arms
Test my resolve

I miss the potential we have.
I miss how you shine in the world
LIke a beam of light through a storm.
My eyes turn gold
When I'm thinking of you.
Sunsets display more colors,
And my love does too.
Like I told you
These feelings are never going away.
And I wouldn't want them to.

Today is going to be the best day of my life
I am going to accomplish my goals
I am going to bring to fruition
The harvest of what I've sown
The truth of how I've grown
I am going to bring forth
The manifestation of hard work
The results of all my efforts
To become the person
I always wanted to be
And have always been
Becoming and expanding into
A more effective projection
Of myself and my intentions
For this world to heal it
Just a little bit
And so will you

Hundreds of people
Torn apart
Shredded lives
Forty years of pain
Separation
Sorrow
Fear
And isolation
All because one a-hole
Gave my brother Shawn
A bad bag of dope
And my nephew
He broke the chains
Of the family curse
But I seem
To be a victim of it
In my own life
Of lovelessness

like Walt Disney
You and I know each others bad sides
Let's get to know each others good sides
Just kidding I know
It'll never happen
You're too scared
And I'm too intimidating for everyone
Or maybe
I'm just not manipulatable enough
All I know is
*** the dream
I'm never getting married
I was married once
And like I said
Before I was widowed
I'll only marry once
I'm done with all 8 billion of you

Mondays are the worst
That's when I want you the most
That's when I cant shake the feeling
You miss me too

You still hate me.
I accept you always will.
Please never wake up.
I don't want you to feel this connection.
Leave me here alone with you.
With Myself.
You can never love me
As much as you love me.

Anxious heart palpatations
I don't like this part
I like the part where
A date is set
Or rejection is done
I don't like the
Antici... pation
But maybe you do
Gotta think positive
You lit up when I asked your age
That caught me off guard
People don't usually get excited
To tell someone their age
I am known to read into things
That aren't there
I think that is why
This part is no fun for me
I can't read attraction
I see it when there is none
I think you like me
Catching my eye
From accross the room
Repeatedly
Only time will tell
God I wish I was an empath
Instead of a kind psychopath

That Ty could shred my confidence
Rip away my resonance
Tear me apart
Force me to depart
Make me feel like I'm back at the start
Of my emotional farce

But Infinity tells me
I don't have to begin again
I haven't lost my progress
Nor worn it thin
I'm still on my path of growth
I've broken no oaths

The only real change
Is no place where you and I can engage
Because in that space
Where you feel safe
I can no longer trace
I no longer feel safe

And I miss you terribly

Just meet me once
In person
In September
Then if you still
Aren't interested in me
I will forget you
I will forget you if you don't
Just give me one date
It's the only thing I ever wanted
From you
What's the worst that could happen
You meet a pretty girl
And move on afterward
Meanwhile the worst
That can happen
That hasn't already
If you don't meet me
Is we will never know
And live with a what if

...is not very long.
...is not long, stop asking.
...is not long at all.
...shut up!
...is time well spent.
...is time needed.
...is not coming back.
...will not be returned.
...can not be earned.
...is lost.
...cannot be profitable.
...to do the job right leads to satisfaction.
...to care shows compassion.
...passes in years.
...is remembered.
... is treasured.
...brings smiles.
...renews ones path.
...renews ones soul.
...is precious.
...is meaningful.
...is shared.
...is a happy memory.
...is always close to the heart.
...becomes peace of mind.
...helps you grow.
...teaches you to love again.
...gives you knowledge to decide based upon experience.
...leaves dog hair for years.
...makes scars beautiful.
...won't hurt as much as it heals.
...means you will love again.
...-how much longer?
...makes sleep all the more enjoyable.
...makes lifes quests star-reachingly fabulous!
...makes puzzles quick to beat, but not to quick.

I kept standing in my own way
I didn't understand why
But if I truly am the divine masculine
It's because you were standing in your own way
I don't know if I'm the masculine or the feminine
I only know you were gone
The moment I loved you
And I've been gone too
Untold love stories
Never to be revealed

I awoke to my twin
Wish I'd sleep again
Mirrors that trigger
And shatter
And tatter
The silk and the lace
Strung up in place
Of our egos trace
Meant to displace
The darkness we
Refuse to embrace

I'm tired of not just sitting
Engaging in constant distraction
So that I won't feel you
I long to sit still
Peaceful in silence
In nature watching leaves blow
In the wind
But when I do
You show up again
Your energy
Your soul
My soul
Or the vibration of them
Matching
Resonating
Much to my dismay
When I said I didn't want
To be alone anymore
This isn't quite what I meant

My love is a grace
That holds me
When I'm in need
Of comfort and support
My love is a claw
Ripping through my chest
Shredding my heart
And my stomach
To confetti, to dust
My love is present
My love is longing
My love is you
And you are me

I know you love me
I'll never wait for you
I wait for no one
I'll be all that you are
Whether you are near
Or far
I hold your heart
You hold my heart
Farewell

I don't think that I need somebody
I don't think that I need someone
I don't need anybody
I am the only one
I am the only one

It really puts it in perspective
When I realize
In the past 12 years
I've only loved two guys
And you were one
Still I'm on the run
From your lack of fun
You miss the starting gun
I cant quite comprehend
How my heart came to mend
Then came to bend
At your hands
With a quick end
I cant understand
I couldn't accept
So I took my usual steps
But something has gone awry
Because I'm not over you yet

I've got no space for pain from you.
There is no hole inside of me.
No emptiness. No loneliness.
I've only got space for love
Do you hear me?
You can't take my power from me.
And I won't take yours.
I refuse to feel that way.
Its been long enough...
To be healed.

I'll never reject you
As long as you don't back stab me
Or lie to or about me
Aside from that
I'm always here for you
Always

I love you
I feel like
I love a wall

You took away all my reasons to believe
And left me with nothing
So I believe nothing.
Enjoy your lonely life.

I sat on the beach
And you didn't sit with me
I looked up from my coffee
And didn't see your eyes
I walked from my bnb
And you didn't walk with me
I surfed the waves
And you weren't to my left
I joked the open mics
And you weren't there fuming
Over the jokes written about you
I sang karaoke
And you didn't duet with me
I laid in a strange bed
Only with my dog
I woke to a beach sunrise
A beach sunset
And your weren't there
Creating reels of the sight
Eating junk food
Because it's vegan
As I told you why
I couldn't eat it
Kissing my lips
Holding my hand
Hugging me close
Smelling my hair
Our cheeks pressed
Against each other
Your fingers in my hair
Moving it aside from the breeze
Lightly moving your fingers down
One strand to the end
Staring into my eyes
No none of this beauty
That I've manifested
A thousand times
Has come to be
Maybe next lifetime
You'll come to love me

What do you get
Out of victimizing yourself
Out of pretending I
Am some grand villian
You should fear
And that poses you threat
When the only real threat
Were your walls coming down
And being loved
I am not capable
Of the visions of demise
You've written me into
The perils you imagine
I will bring to you
I am only capable
Of arguing with you
Hugging you
Holding you
Loving you
And running from you
I am only capable
Of trying to talk things through
Trying to work things out
I am not capable
Of your dramas

My intuition isn't broken?
So, then, you love me...
Or is it only broken
When it comes to you.

The sun sets alone on me
On the beach
Or in the rocks
Anywhere I place my feet
One at peace
One released
Anywhere I want to be

This was not the week to see you.
I am already so emotional.
As it is the 18 year anniversary of my husband's death.
There you are.
Old. A little fat. Balding.
Who am I kidding if you didn't hate me
I would love you forever
F* right the f* off
I deserve to be loved, cherished, and adored
Jah let me forget you

We can't hide
From the love
Deep inside
Craving
Waiting
To burst forth
Into the sunlight
Of our dreams
Fulfilled

I've broken a hundred communication promises to you
Come forward when you want to
You may not trust me
But I trust myself