I am lovable
I am worthy of marrying
I am worthy of spending a life with
I am worthy of love
I am worthy of family
Even though the only one who can see that
Is me.

Well, and my friends...
And the online acquaintances who have tried to hook us up
Sigh.

I just happen to know your worth as well
And I don't mind
That I was too reactive
That you saw my bad side
As often as I saw yours
Because you couldn't speak up
For what you truly wanted
Do you know your worth
I didn't lose anything
And I guess since you didn't see me
The way I see you
You didn't lose anything, either
I will always love you
I will never regret trying for you
I will never regret pushing you away
When you wouldn't try for me
We had potential
You couldn't see
But I know it
And I'm fine with how
Everything turned out
Lessons for when you come around
Or
Lessons for who will overcome you in my heart
Somehow

I give up on you every day.
So today.
I give up.
Again.
I'll never know you.
I won't even try any more.

I hope you learn
Everything you taught me
Someday

My value is in my heart
My value is in my persistence
My value is in my perseverance
My value is in my open ear
For another to confide in
My lack of judgment
When another needs freedom
From being judged
My value is in my warmth
My value is in my guidance
My value makes me love
Shining through to others
On their dark days
My value is in my support
Not in my scientific expertise
Not in my money stacks
Or the home I own
My value is in the way
The songs I sing touch other's souls
Not in the talent itself
Not in the limitations
Society imposes on me
My value is in loving you
So truly that you accept it
My value is in my soul
Shining bright in the sun
Greater than gold or precious gemstones

I would do anything for you.
Which amounts to leaving you alone
And working on myself
Every day for the rest of my life.

Meet in my safe space
The only place to keep my promise
Or you meet me nowhere

To know you never watched
A single video of mine
Never read
A single poem
Never followed
A single link
These are the parts
That break my heart
Because you don't believe me
When I say I see you
Because you don't see me

Standing overlooking nothing
With nothing before me
Everything within my fingertips
Everything I built
Everything I worked for
Standing on the precipe of meaning
And indifference
I miss you
And I wish I had more memories
But it's mostly a blur
Merry christmas
Bah humbug
I lookup at your planes
Your legacy
And me
I meant to get your recipes
It's too late
I will keep going

And give in
Because I can't run
And I can't hide
I hope this doesn't
Just start
The same cycle again

My love for you burns
Like my distraction
Strong and true

I never think of you in the morning
I never think of you in the day
I never think of you when I dream
Or when I distract myself with my scene
I never miss your cold callous ways
I never miss your singing display
I don't want you to sing she's like the wind
Because I'll never watch your media again
It is a sin
Forget my twin

To those whom I've loved
Who loved me back
But left me
Because you thought I deserved better
I ended up alone
Because to you
Alone is better then the love you
Had to share with me
And to me
This is a tragedy
Not because I am lonely
But because your love was
Worthy of me

I am lovable.
I want a husband.
I want the exchange.
I want the connection.
I want a child.
I want a family.
I want what isn't allowed
In my family
For me.
I want it all...
and I can't have it.

That your father sent me
He said love him
Don't turn your back on him
Be there for him
Support him with your healing light
But when my light touches you
It changes from healing to disease
I cannot bring you healing
Joy or happiness
Only frustration and anger
As you bring me sorrow
I'm not saying I'm a shaman
But this is one healing
I was not strong enough for
And I failed you
And I failed your father
Good luck in healing yourself
Because that's all you've got
I don't care to hide it anymore
You already think I'm crazy, anyway.
I can't do anything for you
Even if my job is not finished
You are
And so I am

Sorry.
Tell your father.
You healed me, instead.

My heart soars on the breeze of the universe
More of a gaseous travel through an empty oblivion
Bounding from particle to particle
From electron to electron
Sounding the thundering blasts
Of silence
And birds sing to me
Calling me back to peace
Back to a space
Where I can be bound to earth
Bound to the soil
Head bent toward the flowers
Classifying each species
As I observe their colors
Blending into one another
As the wind pulls them lightly
Back and forth across my sight
Still my heart feels you
And takes flight
Like those playful birds
Leaving me alone at night

I gave you s* for being stuck on her for 3 years
Then I got stuck on you for 3 years
At least now I see absolutely no reason why
I should think anything positive about you
Other than to wish you love and prosperity so you'll be happy
But I just want that for everyone

I can't do it
I can't stay angry
I can't hold to
The name calling
You're such a ****
I swear I believe that
Please trust me
When I say it
Don't think for one second
That I am all forgiving
That you can do no wrong
Just because
You shine like no other
You shine like me
Partition up
Just a curtain
A heavy curtain
I see the shapes
On the other side
I am angry now
I swear it
Don't believe otherwise
There is no love
In that which lies
A cold tattered wretch
On the cold wooden stage
Who plays that part
Not you nor I
We are the light
And we shine
Through love, bright
But I swear
I've convinced myself
That you are a ****

The sun rises on me
Whether I'm at the sea
Or somewhere else
Where I feel free
Just let me be

What you thought of the trial
You didn't have much
Unusual to say
But that five minutes
Of watching your
Beautiful face
Hearing your
Soothing voice
Your silly sound effects
Filled me with joy
Love emanated from
Every cell in my body
God I miss you
But I don't know you
So now I go back
To pretending you
Never existed in my world
Never took my heart
Made me your girl
Dejectedly and
Without your participation
So that's why
For so long
Ive tried manifestation
I don't know you
You trigger me
But I love you
And I'm taking your fame
I was told I reminded someone
Of George Carlin
Can you believe that?
Best compliment
I've ever received
My kombucha joke
Is better than yours

I am so in love with you
I know it's futile
I wish you could reap the benefits
Of the positive changes I have made
For you because of you
But that's okay
I forgive you

Certain dark habits
We don't shake
Embrace insanity
Prevent break

You were all just
So beautiful
Life lived in jest
Quite bountiful

So my shadows
Mark my madness
As I follow
My own quests

"For which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?"
Your neediness.
They say it kills attraction.
But to see your desperation.
Your loneliness.
Your yearning.
I've wanted nothing more
From that very moment
Than to ensure you never feel that way again.
God willing.
You didn't allow me
To be the one to take that away from you.

I was worthy of love
Turns out
All the people
Telling me I'm not worthy of love
Are right
I'm not
I'd still wife me, though.

I guess I succeeded in making you feel strongly for me
Because now you hate me
I should have known my love was wrong
The moment I felt love
My intuition is wrong
It gets everything right
Except what it says about us
Reality is wholly opposite of what it's telling me
I hope I never run into you again
Anywhere
Ever
I am sorry for the damage I've caused
But you don't know or care your damage
How can you be the person who healed me the most
And the person who made me feel the most wrong
That I've ever felt in my life
I wish you'd told me not to contact you months ago
I wish I'd never met you
Because now I've found the one
And I understand I've no one

That I shouldn't have shared the parts of me
With you
That weren't meant for anyone
But if you
Had given me a chance
I'd of shared everything else
With you
And worked hard
To repair
The parts of myself
I shouldn't have shared
I still am repairing those parts
But its the sharing the rest
With you
That I don't get
That I missed out on
And I missed out on
You sharing all your parts
You mean to share
Someday, with someone
With me

You're getting serious
With your side chick
Taking things to the next level
Of commitment
I'm not going to write about you
Anymore
It is done
I'm going to smother my love for you
Until it dies
Why do I feel the way I do
When every feeling was a lie.

That's been my plan all along
But I took Tuesday off
In case I run to Bishop
To avoid you
Doing a show
Three miles from my house
On a route I drive daily
But if I stay
Come see me
I'll turn your heart and soul
Into a pile of mush *****
You'll be glad you came
My address is public
Just look up my name
If I bolt instead
I will tweet about it

Cuffing season?
Welp my dating season joke just got retired
What is love

I could hate you
The way you hate me
I wish I didn't wake
And fall asleep
To the thought of you
I wish we never met

He will love me
He will cherish me
He will be in regular contact
He will not be afraid
Not fear his emotions
Not fear conflict
Not fear compromise
Not fear working things out
Not fear communication
Not fear rejection
Because he will know
Rejection isn't an option
For either of us
We will communicate
We will share
We will be open
We will be equal
He will be loving
He will be caring
He will be firm
He will set boundaries
He will respect boundaries
He will be forward
He will be blunt
He will be dedicated
He will be loyal
We will share interests
We will build each other up
We will help eachother
On our paths to our best selves
He will give me
What you don't appear capable of
I love you
But I'm going to love him more
Because
I'm going to love him as much
As he is going to love me

I wish I didn't wish we'd never met earlier
I'm just sad that we will never meet again
I'm glad I met you

I'm kind of in love with you
And every freckle on your face

Now you're another guy who can't have me
Sitting there with all your red flags in the bin
Never seeing clearly or understanding
The opportunity you had been given
Now my heart is closed to you like the others
Regardless that you're some mythical soul's twin
Now you're just some ****** quite obtuse
My tolerance and patience have worn thin

You're just someone in the past now
All the inspiration you brang
Has slipped away down the drain
Not a drop of love left in me for you
Not a moment of time left to do
Anything to change and make things right
Just a memory slipping out of my night
Looking back but forgetting what drew me in
Only seeing toxicity, you were never my friend
My heart closed off once again
No sense of home, no sense of kin
Just me in my glory day after day
On my stage alone to shine and to gain

And I'll take you last name
Love you without shame
Give me a chance, not again
But for the first time

No song
And no poem
No self work
No going within
No amount of
Growth
Therapy
Or success
No high vibes
Self purpose
Happy energy
Hope
Faith
Or manifestation
Nothing
Brings you back to me

Dear Graham,
I hate you.
F off.
Sincerely,
Clarkia

You made me feel ashamed to love you
But that shame is based in lies
There is nothing wrong with me
There is nothing wrong with my love
The only wrong
Was your inability to speak up sooner
And your cruelty when you finally
Spoke your truth
My love is pure
Regardless your shades of *****
You chose to view love through
Regardless of your gaslighting
You hold plausible deniability for

You asked me to be careful with your heart
As you dated other women
As you critisized so much about me
As you used my past to manipulate me
As you shut me down in conversation
You asked me to be careful with your heart
But you were not careful with mine
This is why
I had to let you go
Because I am not only careful with your heart
I am careful with my own

I don't care about more people hearing
What I have to say
I don't care about money
I don't care about fame
I don't care about exposure
I liked my little artistic
Hipster circles of expression
I don't care what the twin flame journey
Says I need to expand to for union
I want my life of peace and joy
You're the famous exposed part of this soul vibration
I'm the intimate expression of our arts in small circles
On your side of the stage partition, an auditorium
On my side of the stage partition, a house party
A drum circle
A rave
A jam session of 20 to 40 musicians at once
You tell your jokes to the masses
I tell my jokes in karaoke circles
And one on one in small groups
I'm done questing for more
I'm going back into oblivion
Its more fun
You inspired me to try
But I dont need what you have
To be your equal
I already was

When I met you
My heart ripped open
Love burst into
A thousand directions
Unsatiated and overflowing
Endless and yielding
Spilling over the top
Of every full glass
No lid, no cap
How did you make that happen?

When I told my friend in 2018 that I had fallen in love with him he got angry with me.
So I went no contact.
When I dated my friend with benefits in 2018 and 2019 he was always angry with me.
When I fell in love with you
You got angry with me
So angry
It was your part of destroying our potential
I don't know why my love
Makes everyone so angry
But I'm never going to love
Or if I do it'll be a secret
Because my love provokes anger
And I cant take it anymore
I want to be love and be loved
And I'm a festering demon instead
My love
Brings out the demons
Of the people I feel it for
I give up
Will I always be alone?

My love for you
Is like the sunrise
On a cloudless day
It can't help but shine
On you
Your love for me
Is like the sunset
Leaving me in the dark
With stars in my eyes

Telepathy or not.
You've held me a thousand times.
Placed your hand at the nape of my neck while you kissed me.
Pulled my hair lightly.
After entangled your fingers in it at the back of my head.
You've gently rubbed your nose against mine.
Held me cheek to cheek.
The only thing he didn't do
Was hold a tendril of my hair,
And trace it to the end.
Every sound I heard
Or imagined you'd make
He made
Every sigh
And that strong overpowering passion
And the softest touch I've ever felt
Like his skin is made of the finest silk
The affirmations I've listened to
Night after night
Included asking me if I was OK
Checking in with where I was at
He did them all
My personal thought of well maybe you've  had a vasectomy
Maybe you haven't
Well this guy has
The marriage joke I made with you
Yeah he made a marriage joke with me
Turns out jokes are jokes, did you know that?
I'm so confused
Because the higher self
I get from you
Or imagine
Is everything he is
I'm so confused
I love you
And you're a phantom
And he is right here
Unsure if I was present
Which I was
How could I not notice
Everything about him
That I've manifested
You really don't understand
What you missed
When you let me go

I found someone else
When he sings
Awkward and beautiful
When he follows me
Across my social medias
Daily
When we find ourselves
Writing back and forth for hours
But he hasn't called me
So maybe not
But he is doing a hellofa lot better
Than you did
You chump
I will always love you
But in that
You already lost me
Kinda way
Which would actually
Make you glad
And that is sad
Someone else will reap the harvest
Of all you had sown
In manifesting me
In inspiring my change
So I could be the best
Lover I have ever been
For someone new
Not you

You thought I was desperate
I wasn't, I was in love
Deeply, tragically, in love.
All of your negative thoughts about me
Are wrong
Just like all of my positive thoughts about you
You will never understand what you've lost
Just as I will never understand I haven't lost anything

Some days I'm lonely enough to miss you
Some days I'm free and happy enough to love you
Some days I manifest you
Somedays I know my love can't arrest you
And Mondays are for brooding in despair
Especially when, like clockwork, at 8, I could be there
I won't, I refuse to go
Because you don't show

I was over you yesterday
Convinced it's hopeless
That my heart was letting go
But to see your anger
Your pain
Not be able to help
Be the cause again
Rips my heart out
Leaves love and shame
I wish I could hug you
Then be over you again

Ripple through the changing multiverse
With your love
Echo through my mind, my soul
Reverberate into my world
Shake me to the core as you always do
Let me see the physical side of you
Come crashing through my gate
Like a whirlwind of fate
Wrap me up in your hugs
That define your love
I've felt the bliss again and again
Bring forth what you are, my friend
My lover
No more spiritual slumber
We shall quantum leap
Into the spaces
Where we can't be separated
And both release the curses
That trap our love in verses
Of unrequited poets
Words of those that do not know us
Know what and who we are
Too brazen brilliant stars
With scars
Heal and be enraptured
Tend to mending sutures
Never again will we
Feel the broken heart of
"I must leave"