You were just a catalyst
That I could not resist
But your not the voice
Of my final choice
Get over yourself
It's me and no one else
Cuz that's a twin flame
Nothing left to explain

My love ignites
Burns hot
Like a crown fire
Ripping through a forest
Thick with brush
Burning up every bit of me
On its way to you
Ash blowing on the wind
With every sensation I send
I ascend
Caught above the flames
Smoke dispersed bits of grey
Landing on your windowsill

I would swim across the ocean
To be with you tonight
I would rip the sky apart
To hold you tight
I would move mountains
To find you in the valley
I would ***** volcanoes
To have you close to me
There is nothing else
I want or need
Then to put your face
In my hands
And express to you
All my plans

I used to believe there were no coincidences
Until I met you
If I am to take you at face value
The word coincidence must be true
If everything happened for a reason
You would not leave me blue
You would reach out and confirm this
As I've repeatedly asked you to

Most days I love you
Some days I miss you
Mostly Mondays
Sometimes I'm angry at you
And occasionally
You've destroyed every fiber
Of my hope for love
Of my souls reality
Tomorrow
It will be nice
To just love you
Tonight
It may be nice
When you hold me
And kiss me
In an astral way
If my heart can stray
From my mind

No song
And no poem
No self work
No going within
No amount of
Growth
Therapy
Or success
No high vibes
Self purpose
Happy energy
Hope
Faith
Or manifestation
Nothing
Brings you back to me

But not ours
All of our dreams will come true
Like they always do
With or without me
With or without you

I've always had a lover with me
Or a friend
Every time I stopped here
And now I'm here again
But this time I'm alone
No one with which to chat
Sitting at the bar
Where we once sat
Pairs and partners alike
Just to have a bite
Alone not even twin flame presence
In this freedom I take flight
But still
It'd be nice to have someone
To chat with

"For which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?"
Your neediness.
They say it kills attraction.
But to see your desperation.
Your loneliness.
Your yearning.
I've wanted nothing more
From that very moment
Than to ensure you never feel that way again.
God willing.
You didn't allow me
To be the one to take that away from you.

I can only love him from afar
Will it always be like this
Loving people so out of reach
Stuck dating ones easy to resist
Mistook as someone easy to get
Facing anger when *** I reject
Because I want something real
True and long term
Not something fleeting
This court is adjourned

All chords cut
When songs remind me of you
Some dream potential
Of what we'll never do
Some wistful wish
For a love burning true
Memories of bliss and let downs
Leaving us both blue
💙

My hope
And my perseverance
Have always brought me
Everything I wanted
Made every dream come true
But when it comes to loving you
They lead me, alone
Down a dusty
Dead end road
Called heartbreak
Again and again
On a loop
Like a carnival ride
In Carsen City
Please let me
Off the ride
Turn from the road
Let go of hope
Because we do not persevere
Together
We are only apart
Me with my love for you
And you with no memory of me
In your heart

I can't always be grateful to you
but sometimes I am grateful
for all the disdain you hold for me
because that is what motivated me
to Surf and to do stand-up
and I love both
just to push you off my stage
co-star

The rain sparkles
Like glitter
Made from the dust
Of grief

You're not a nice person
You never gave a **** about me
You have anger issues
You have no sense of humor
You are a vegan
You probably smell like mothballs
You probably aren't good in bed
Because you are cold and callous
You are exploitative
You are a gaslighter, too
You can't stand up for yourself
Until you are explosive
You probably have too large of a bleep anyway
You are not the one
I swear it, being my twin flame aside
You are not the one.

How long must I go on
Feeling unrequited love
Feeling guilty for loving you
If I can't stop loving you
I hope I die
Now

We've already brought
Our doubts and fears
To fruition
We have lived them
We know what they are
And how they make us feel
All that is left
Is hope

I spent so much time
Refusing to think about
What I saw in you
That I don't really remember
What I saw in you anymore
You are just a judgemental
Cranky old man

How can I love someone I don't even know
As if I dated him for years
As if all of my fantasies took place
As if I actually touched every line on his face
As if he ever gave love that could not be replaced

I didn't know to treasure our moments together
I didn't know I would love you so deeply for so long
I didn't know I would lose you
My love for you erupted like fault lines after a long stillness
My love for you was a tsunami on a calm ocean
I look back and I cherish every moment we had
Before I made you hate me
Just by loving you
Too much
After all my love
Was washed away
By my anxiety...
And your compassion
Well you have none

I'm sorry I broke your heart
I only wanted to uphold it
In grace and love
But I'm human
Rather
I'm wearing a human costume

I wish I didn't wish we'd never met earlier
I'm just sad that we will never meet again
I'm glad I met you

In public
You hung on my every word
You looked for me
You couldn't wait to read what I said
In private
You ignored me
You showed me the darkness that lurks
Around your head
You should have paid me
If my material was so worth sharing
With everyone but yourself
Open communication
That's all I really wanted from you
I was reactionary
To a confusing message from you
I'm important to you when a crowd is around
Somehow I feel used
I'd offer you a clean slate
Set your boundaries with me
And I'll set mine
Let's start again
But I know that day is not coming
You never intended for me
To love you
In the end

Write me
I miss you
Eh whatever
I don't need anyone
Hold me
Ok fine let me go
I'm the one for you
Let yourself know
But really I'm fine
Alone

Friends for twenty years and I was too daft to see.

This guy speaks my love language.

I'm never gonna let him go.

I'm anxious as f
Did I throw myself at you
I hope not
Please ask me for a date
I like your hair
I'll get used to your name
Even though right now
It is a ridiculous name
I'm sure you've heard every worn out joke
That could be written with it
I'm so glad
You are young enough for me
My hand felt so nice in yours
I am not sure if we have dance chemistry
I thought so
But my nerves were strong tonight
I have nothing more to say about it
Yay I like someone
Ask me out

Coworker: "How are you?"
(Internal monolog: I blocked my twin flame on all social medias so I wouldn't look at his pages.
So I honor his desire for privacy away from me.
I'm sad. I want him to call me.
I see no reason he ever will.
If he is me he'd call me.
He couldn't stay away.
He stays away.
My heart is being shredded into a million pieces...)
My response with a big smile: "I'm good."

Was your recognition
Because I've been through hell
Being you
Being me
But now
F it, babe
Don't ever wake up
Don't ever recognize me
Sleepwalk your whole life
I can finish this integration
Force myself to let you go
Forever
I'll do my best
My damndest
Not to give you any more chances

When I met you
My heart ripped open
Love burst into
A thousand directions
Unsatiated and overflowing
Endless and yielding
Spilling over the top
Of every full glass
No lid, no cap
How did you make that happen?

I want to block you so bad
But whats the point
When I'm just going to
Turn around and unblock you
Again
Seeing your face
Seeing your kind words to others
Triggers the memory
Of how you first ignored me
How you gaslit me
With the "my guns are so tight"
Comments
How you treated me
Like I wasn't worth your time
Except where you
Could use my material
To fill airspace
You treat everyone differently
Than you treat me
I wish I could keep you blocked
But I don't
I sometimes think
I'll wash my hands
Of the entire community
Walk away and
Leave all of you behind
Perhaps someday
I will
Love me, want me, talk to me
Or don't I don't f'ng care
I deserve better treatment
Than I can get from you
I'm good enough
I'm worthy
You're blind
You'll only miss me
When it's too late
Just like all the rest

Let's not stand in each other's way
Let's unite when we
Can bond together in strength
To help eachother reach our goals
If we can't do that
Keep the partition on the stage
And be my costar
Out of sight
Out of mind
Yet chained at the heart

YouTube saves all the recordings
Not sure if the other streaming services
Do the same
But if you come at me
I never cyber stalked you
I asked you to block me multiple times
And you didn't
You did answer my messages:
In the livestreams
And those recordings could be used
In court
Remember
Everything you ever said to me
Every comment that was a direct throwback
To one of my messages
Every time you went out of your way
To read my comments aloud
Because I will use that all against you
If you try to put a false case against me
Because I truly was never your stalker
And you can't pretend you never interacted with me
When you know **** well you did
We aren't strangers
You can't hide what's been recorded
And I will protect myself from you

I love you
I hate you
You are my muse
I love you
I hate you
You are my muse
Nothing I say
Is any new news
I'm intimidating to you
You have to run
I'm too weak for you
You are no fun
I'm too independant
You can't be vulnerable
I'm too codependent
You've got to block and go
I'm too perfect
You can't accept
I'm too wrong
You can't forget

My love is a grace
That holds me
When I'm in need
Of comfort and support
My love is a claw
Ripping through my chest
Shredding my heart
And my stomach
To confetti, to dust
My love is present
My love is longing
My love is you
And you are me

I am lovable.
I want a husband.
I want the exchange.
I want the connection.
I want a child.
I want a family.
I want what isn't allowed
In my family
For me.
I want it all...
and I can't have it.

And give in
Because I can't run
And I can't hide
I hope this doesn't
Just start
The same cycle again

It is too late
I manifested for years
Nothing changed
He never came
Now
I no longer know
How to lay next to someone
I no longer want
To risk unacceptance
Alone is
So peaceful
I can imagine different
But I can't feel it
You are too late
Which is fine
Because you were never coming
I hope you find someone wonderful to love
I don't really care to stop being alone now
Bodies are hot, sticky, and judgemental
I'll pass
We lived a full life of love
In my imagination

I'll never be over you
But I'll never be under you
There is a partition on our stage
So we can pretend
We are acting alone
Not seeing
What the audience sees

You wanted to have me arrested
Because I have anxiety
Because you led me on
By letting things escalate
Because you loved the attention
And you love the drama
And you love having power
Over other's emotions
You love controlling
Someone's mood
With your block button
And your silence
Mixed with gaslighting
Just enough attention
To keep them holding on
Just enough abuse
To convince them
It is all their fault
Love turns to hate
And I hate you
F you and your manipulatiom
How dare you threaten me
You know what you did
I am too good for you
And you know that too

I showed you my worst
Because if I was to love you
I needed you to know me
Wholeheartedly and to the core
And I know you
On some levels
However, I found
You didn't seek to be known

My heart soars on the breeze of the universe
More of a gaseous travel through an empty oblivion
Bounding from particle to particle
From electron to electron
Sounding the thundering blasts
Of silence
And birds sing to me
Calling me back to peace
Back to a space
Where I can be bound to earth
Bound to the soil
Head bent toward the flowers
Classifying each species
As I observe their colors
Blending into one another
As the wind pulls them lightly
Back and forth across my sight
Still my heart feels you
And takes flight
Like those playful birds
Leaving me alone at night

We can't hide
From the love
Deep inside
Craving
Waiting
To burst forth
Into the sunlight
Of our dreams
Fulfilled

That Ty could shred my confidence
Rip away my resonance
Tear me apart
Force me to depart
Make me feel like I'm back at the start
Of my emotional farce

But Infinity tells me
I don't have to begin again
I haven't lost my progress
Nor worn it thin
I'm still on my path of growth
I've broken no oaths

The only real change
Is no place where you and I can engage
Because in that space
Where you feel safe
I can no longer trace
I no longer feel safe

And I miss you terribly

Everything it was
Or wasn't
Felt like bliss
I've learned my lesson
I know I can't tell you how I feel
But somehow
I hope you know

I'll give you what you want.
I'll take my love away.
I don't love you anymore.
I don't love you after all.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
Does that make you happy now?

I could hate you
The way you hate me
I wish I didn't wake
And fall asleep
To the thought of you
I wish we never met

I can't do it
I can't stay angry
I can't hold to
The name calling
You're such a ****
I swear I believe that
Please trust me
When I say it
Don't think for one second
That I am all forgiving
That you can do no wrong
Just because
You shine like no other
You shine like me
Partition up
Just a curtain
A heavy curtain
I see the shapes
On the other side
I am angry now
I swear it
Don't believe otherwise
There is no love
In that which lies
A cold tattered wretch
On the cold wooden stage
Who plays that part
Not you nor I
We are the light
And we shine
Through love, bright
But I swear
I've convinced myself
That you are a ****

In 5D you once told me
My resistance is your resistance
Well your walls are my walls
Love bounces back from them
Stays with me
Futile to love you
Futile to believe in you
All hope disintegrated
All belief dismissed
All love I feel for you
Is only mine now
You are what you want to be
Nothing to me

Your apology was expected
Because I told myself to expect it
But I was so surprised
When you called
When it wasn't spam
It was finally ......
And the words spilled from your lips
"I've had enough time
I'm not angry anymore
I reread your email I last replied to
I also read the last email you sent
I recognize you were trying to have empathy for how I felt
I have thought a lot about everything that happened and
I have empathy for your perspective
I forgive you.
I also apologize for taking things out of proportion
When I couldn't see your perspective
Or understand you were taken
By your anxiety
After having time I realized
You really tried to make amends
And you weren't a threat
I'm sorry I treated you cruelly
Do you want a clean slate?
Let's start over from here."
And I accept
And I am grateful
And I will spend every day
For the rest of my life
Working to not make the same mistakes
Again
Because in this friction
I am the one

I am lovable
I am worthy of marrying
I am worthy of spending a life with
I am worthy of love
I am worthy of family
Even though the only one who can see that
Is me.

Well, and my friends...
And the online acquaintances who have tried to hook us up
Sigh.