It has been a hard week for me
But you look happy
I am glad
That is wonderful
I love...
Me.

I suppose
If you choose a woman
With my name
You never have to worry
About calling her Nicolle
By mistake

Hundreds of people
Torn apart
Shredded lives
Forty years of pain
Separation
Sorrow
Fear
And isolation
All because one a-hole
Gave my brother Shawn
A bad bag of dope
And my nephew
He broke the chains
Of the family curse
But I seem
To be a victim of it
In my own life
Of lovelessness

I never lost
My childlike wonder
Until I met him
And now I wonder
Where it has gone
Did he take it
Can I have it back
Now, please

I hope you are well
I love you
Be my valentine
Take care
Bye now
Bye bye
Bye bye

What you thought of the trial
You didn't have much
Unusual to say
But that five minutes
Of watching your
Beautiful face
Hearing your
Soothing voice
Your silly sound effects
Filled me with joy
Love emanated from
Every cell in my body
God I miss you
But I don't know you
So now I go back
To pretending you
Never existed in my world
Never took my heart
Made me your girl
Dejectedly and
Without your participation
So that's why
For so long
Ive tried manifestation
I don't know you
You trigger me
But I love you
And I'm taking your fame
I was told I reminded someone
Of George Carlin
Can you believe that?
Best compliment
I've ever received
My kombucha joke
Is better than yours

You thought I was desperate
I wasn't, I was in love
Deeply, tragically, in love.
All of your negative thoughts about me
Are wrong
Just like all of my positive thoughts about you
You will never understand what you've lost
Just as I will never understand I haven't lost anything

Instead of waking in bliss and love
I woke in love and sorrow
Hands vibrating with pleasure
Heart ripped through by a dagger
How can someone who despises me the most
Be the person I feel love radiate from the most
It doesn't make sense

I watched those hawk chicks
Fed by their parents
Growing fast
But not fast enough
To beat the desert temperatures
Coming early in June
They succumbed to the heat
If only they'd had another week
Another casualty
The great species collapse is here
Taking lives
Of every species
And I
A scientist, an ecologist
Doing my best
Can only sit back
Watch the world burn
And grieve
The short term changes
With lasting impacts
Of the industrial revolution

I would say forget it
Forget me
Forget my love
Forget you ever knew me
But you already did.

I really can't manifest you, can I
I guess at some point I should stop trying
I always get what I want
She said delusionally
Staring at an image of Barbados
Pretending she was there
Instead of here
In a river of tears
Dried
From the long standing drought
In doubt

They are petty
You say
They are childish
You imply
You don't waver
You claim
And all I see
Is your cracked mirror
Reflecting your truth
Back to me
You are petty
You are childish
You waver
You crumble
Like the man
In the radio head song
And still
I love you
Which you see
As unacceptable
Disgusting
Deplorable
Goodbye

When other women
Find the one
They are correct
But now that I found the one
I am wrong?

I was raised on self-hatred
Easily narc baited
So forget finding love
I don't deserve love
I don't deserve a partner
Try only for disaster
I don't deserve a child
Independence too wild
I deserve to rot alone
In my beautiful home
My entire **** life
Just another lonely night
I'm not going to the livestream
I'm killing this fake dream
I am just an idiot
I need to move on and get with it

I only want one thing
For my birthday tomorrow
And that's to hear from you
Which I will not

I am so in love with you
I know it's futile
I wish you could reap the benefits
Of the positive changes I have made
For you because of you
But that's okay
I forgive you

I've got no space for pain from you.
There is no hole inside of me.
No emptiness. No loneliness.
I've only got space for love
Do you hear me?
You can't take my power from me.
And I won't take yours.
I refuse to feel that way.
Its been long enough...
To be healed.

Anxious heart palpatations
I don't like this part
I like the part where
A date is set
Or rejection is done
I don't like the
Antici... pation
But maybe you do
Gotta think positive
You lit up when I asked your age
That caught me off guard
People don't usually get excited
To tell someone their age
I am known to read into things
That aren't there
I think that is why
This part is no fun for me
I can't read attraction
I see it when there is none
I think you like me
Catching my eye
From accross the room
Repeatedly
Only time will tell
God I wish I was an empath
Instead of a kind psychopath

Your silence
And what you have said
Make no sense when
I feel your love falling on me
Like a pile of boulders

My old boss and mentor
Shared a song
It reminded him of me
An Irish tune, The Tinker's Coin
Of a traveler passing through
And it pulled my heartstrings
My thoughts went to you
My love you were to me
And I was to you
Only a traveler passing through
But you took my heart
And I took your name
Like the coin she gave
It was my unwilling gift to you
So I walk without it
To my grave
A traveler passing through

I tried to be there for him
I just failed
That's all
You can't be there for someone
Who won't let you

"I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you."
-HONOPOPO

My value is in my heart
My value is in my persistence
My value is in my perseverance
My value is in my open ear
For another to confide in
My lack of judgment
When another needs freedom
From being judged
My value is in my warmth
My value is in my guidance
My value makes me love
Shining through to others
On their dark days
My value is in my support
Not in my scientific expertise
Not in my money stacks
Or the home I own
My value is in the way
The songs I sing touch other's souls
Not in the talent itself
Not in the limitations
Society imposes on me
My value is in loving you
So truly that you accept it
My value is in my soul
Shining bright in the sun
Greater than gold or precious gemstones

You count the days since I last messaged you
Waiting for my love to lapse
I count the days since I last messaged you
Like an addict hoping not to relapse

Because
Who has me
But you

Triggered
Self-blame and self-hatred
Now I am even farther behind
Then I was at step one
I'm destroyed
My ugliness is back
To consume me
To rip my soul to shreds
In all my disgusting
Lack of grace
I can't overcome this
I am too ugly
I am walking away
From the twin flame journey
But at least the troll who ruined me and I made up

Because of you
I am more mindful
I am more self soothing
I am more empathtic
I am more patient
I am more kind
I am more understanding
You forced me
To take my good parts
And enhance them
To illuminate my bad parts
And fix them
Or at least continue to try
As caring is a lifestyle
Communication is a practise
And you're the most positive loss
I ever could have had
Thank you

I've seen things
You'd never tell
And I accept you
And I'm down
I like these things
Coming from you
Words I cannot say
Not in public
And not to you
Things you want to do

To be my girlfriend you have to do this
And to be my girlfriend you have to do that
To be my girlfriend you have to be this
And to be my girlfriend you have to be that
To be my girlfriend you have to say this
And to be my girlfriend you have to say that
**** it bruh
You have too many hoops
And I am not a trapeze artist

I finally broke the habit
And let you go
Nearly two months after
When I got a new job
Happy for the first time
In years
You find me on tiktok
Just to block me
We never
Interacted on tiktok
Well I found you
Everywhere that is left
To block you
So you can never hurt me again
Because your move
Sent me spiraling back down
Why would you take
My happiness like that
When I finally succeeded
At giving you what you want
Leaving you alone
There are no avenues left
You can never hurt me again
I love you
Take care
Good bye
For good

I am no one's obligation.
You think that is love?
You think that is support?
You think it makes me
Feel warm and f'ing fuzzy
To hear you feel obligated
To love me?
Obligated.
I will punch you in the face.
Stay out of my life.
Forever.

I found someone else
When he sings
Awkward and beautiful
When he follows me
Across my social medias
Daily
When we find ourselves
Writing back and forth for hours
But he hasn't called me
So maybe not
But he is doing a hellofa lot better
Than you did
You chump
I will always love you
But in that
You already lost me
Kinda way
Which would actually
Make you glad
And that is sad
Someone else will reap the harvest
Of all you had sown
In manifesting me
In inspiring my change
So I could be the best
Lover I have ever been
For someone new
Not you

My love was not wasted on you
But it would have been better spent
Being showered on myself

I get tens of calls of nobody
Trying to sell me *****
Or take my money
For nothing in return
And I ask each and every one
Now
Why do you always have to be spam?
Why can't you ever be Graham?

Merry Christmas, twin flame.
I hope you are not lonely.
I hope you spend the holiday with friends.
I hope you are warm and feeling well.
I hope you are happy and feeling whole.
I don't know you yet I miss you.
I wish you were spending Xmas with me.
I'm not allowed to but I love you.
I'm yours, or rather,
I'm mine.
As I spend my holiday alone,
Because I don't want to spend it with
Anyone else but you.

Suzie, Suzie, Suzie
She stole my man
Even though she had him
Years before I knew he existed
Give it up
I am the one for him
Give her up
I am the one for you

You pulled
And I broke
Just for a few seconds
Just long enough
To see your beautiful face
Hear your beautiful voice
Then I left
I wonder if you saw my name
On that list

I tell myself I am done with you
I will force myself over you
Force myself to forget
But when I see a shooting star
I cast one more wish

Just before bed I give up on you
I wake in the morning and I give up on you
Throughout the day I give up on you
Another night and I give up on you
Why cant I forget you
The way you forgot me
Why must I love you
Knowing you never loved me
Knowing I became
Nothing to you
The first time you ignored me
Why must I think of you
Just to give up
Again and again
Please be erased
From my mind and heart
Another morning
Another love Jumpstart

You still hate me.
I accept you always will.
Please never wake up.
I don't want you to feel this connection.
Leave me here alone with you.
With Myself.
You can never love me
As much as you love me.

I want an electric Ford Mustang
I want you
I think I'll sing you Barely Breathing by Dustin Sheik
A Mustang drives past me
The license plate reads PV SHOW
My heart Quakes in pain
My soul laughs
You're already mine
I'll have you a gain
My brain twists
Birds before land
I can't quit
I'm your destined plan

I long to look
Into your beautiful f'ing eyes
Like staring into the earth
And the sun
Simultaneously
I long to run
My fingers through your hair
Is it soft
Or wirey
I long to trace
Your jawline with my fingers
Already memorized every feature
You're beautiful
How lucky you are
Not to be chained to me
As I am to you
But then again
If you were
My dreams would come true

I sing along to
Nirvana's About A Girl
And then I pull in
And see you hanging there
From the balcony
Of our beautfiul home
I try to save you
But it's too late
I unplug you on the sixth
When the doctors
Claim you are brain dead
There is no hope
Then for years
I learn about miracles
Maybe I should have left you plugged in
Maybe I shouldn't have listened
Maybe I destroyed a miracle
Gifted to me from jah
And I will never deserve another miracle
So you died once
Maybe twice
And I died every second
Then every minute
Then every hour
Every day
Until finally
I learned to live in some truncated way
I only die several times a year
Or maybe I just don't count anymore
Because I am accustomed to it now
The loss of a lifetime
The loss of love and marriage
Never remarrying
Never having kids
Dying on the days that remind me of you
Valentines, the day your proposed, the day we married, your birthday, halloween, the days you died, christmas.
I never really live my life to the fullest
I never can
No matter how I try
There is a piece of me you took with you
When you comitted suicide
The piece of me
That wishes
You'd killed me first

I want to run away from everything
I want to leave it all behind
But I cannot
Because it's all stored in my mind

My love for you burns
Like my distraction
Strong and true

My love for you
Is like the sunrise
On a cloudless day
It can't help but shine
On you
Your love for me
Is like the sunset
Leaving me in the dark
With stars in my eyes

My goddess
Love of my life
My wife
Bringer of bliss

Today the sky looks vibrant
From both sides of my house
The red clouds in the sky
Calling the birds out
The moon still high
To meet the sun halfway
Glorious reds and oranges
Chasing the moon away
So I rise up from my bed
To start the greatest day

Tonight the stage was mine
The audience was mine
The cameras were mine
And I shone
I found myself grateful
The pandemic is being ignored

Most days I love you
Some days I miss you
Mostly Mondays
Sometimes I'm angry at you
And occasionally
You've destroyed every fiber
Of my hope for love
Of my souls reality
Tomorrow
It will be nice
To just love you
Tonight
It may be nice
When you hold me
And kiss me
In an astral way
If my heart can stray
From my mind

I used to believe there were no coincidences
Until I met you
If I am to take you at face value
The word coincidence must be true
If everything happened for a reason
You would not leave me blue
You would reach out and confirm this
As I've repeatedly asked you to