Mondays are the worst
That's when I want you the most
That's when I cant shake the feeling
You miss me too

When I met you
My heart ripped open
Love burst into
A thousand directions
Unsatiated and overflowing
Endless and yielding
Spilling over the top
Of every full glass
No lid, no cap
How did you make that happen?

And I'll take you last name
Love you without shame
Give me a chance, not again
But for the first time

I am filled with fear
I am filled with doubt
Still I'd spend every day
Of the rest of my life
Working to clear those out
And replace them with love
With you

Shatter my personal truth
Smother my intuition with a pillow
Forcefully forget how for you
I bend just like a willow
Because you asked me to
I'll do anything you want me to
Forget every single inch of you
Deny our love was ever true
Pretend we are strangers like you do
Pretend seperation never left us blue

Are the ones that got away
I got away because I refuse to play The Dating Game
And you got away because when you felt this attraction and I felt it back
You immediately shut it down before it could even start
You immediately denied our potential
And I in turn sabotaged our potential
Both drowning in our own fear
We are the ones that got away
And we will never know it, dear

I only want one thing
For my birthday tomorrow
And that's to hear from you
Which I will not

Most days I love you
Some days I miss you
Mostly Mondays
Sometimes I'm angry at you
And occasionally
You've destroyed every fiber
Of my hope for love
Of my souls reality
Tomorrow
It will be nice
To just love you
Tonight
It may be nice
When you hold me
And kiss me
In an astral way
If my heart can stray
From my mind

Coworker: "How are you?"
(Internal monolog: I blocked my twin flame on all social medias so I wouldn't look at his pages.
So I honor his desire for privacy away from me.
I'm sad. I want him to call me.
I see no reason he ever will.
If he is me he'd call me.
He couldn't stay away.
He stays away.
My heart is being shredded into a million pieces...)
My response with a big smile: "I'm good."

I'll never be over you
But I'll never be under you
There is a partition on our stage
So we can pretend
We are acting alone
Not seeing
What the audience sees

I wanted to push you away
Because you are the one for me
And I was more successful
At pushing you away
Than I've ever been at
Pushing anyone away ever
So can I please forget you now
I cant reject an opportunity
And pine for it
Simultaneously
That makes no sense
But I did just that
Or maybe you'll forgive me
And start fresh
But honestly
I don't believe grand gestures
Are ever kind, only cruel
And I'll never have a chance
To be who I truly am
With you
Again

My mornings are peaceful
Present
And then I feel you wake up
The shift

You pulled
And I broke
Just for a few seconds
Just long enough
To see your beautiful face
Hear your beautiful voice
Then I left
I wonder if you saw my name
On that list

Your 5D kisses
May have saved my life
Making me just late enough
To avoid a car accident
On the freeway
Thank you

Your silence
And what you have said
Make no sense when
I feel your love falling on me
Like a pile of boulders

I've always had a lover with me
Or a friend
Every time I stopped here
And now I'm here again
But this time I'm alone
No one with which to chat
Sitting at the bar
Where we once sat
Pairs and partners alike
Just to have a bite
Alone not even twin flame presence
In this freedom I take flight
But still
It'd be nice to have someone
To chat with

Onyx eyes
Granite hair
Agate skin
Amethyst heart
Labradorite soul
Moonstone energy
Ruby mind
Citrine intentions
---
Opal eyes
Golden hair
Rose quartz lips
Rhyolite heart
Sapphire soul
Jasper energy
Emerald mind
Citrine intentions

I just happen to know your worth as well
And I don't mind
That I was too reactive
That you saw my bad side
As often as I saw yours
Because you couldn't speak up
For what you truly wanted
Do you know your worth
I didn't lose anything
And I guess since you didn't see me
The way I see you
You didn't lose anything, either
I will always love you
I will never regret trying for you
I will never regret pushing you away
When you wouldn't try for me
We had potential
You couldn't see
But I know it
And I'm fine with how
Everything turned out
Lessons for when you come around
Or
Lessons for who will overcome you in my heart
Somehow

What is this love
That you are not
Interested in having me
In your life
That you tell me never contact again
Yet your soul
Holds me every day
Comforts me
I try to deny it
A dream a fantasy
I try to block you out
But you just hold me tighter
I try to be more present
But You show up stronger
You are an apparition of love
That surrounds me

Passing by on internet highways
I ask for you
And you post
And a guide posts
How to know they are thinking of you
So I make jokes
Love engrossed
In a longing to escape it
And the surrender
To it
Because there is no where to run
Ships turn slowly
Passing on the open waves

You haunt me
Though you are alive and well

I know it's not
Because I know myself
I feel your need
Work on this
Address this
The moment you nolonger need me
Will be the moment you are free
To come to me
In love
Let's build something healthy
Or we can just keep running
I never needed you
I just wanted you
Remember that
When my soul embraces you
I only want to give you love
Support
Not desperation
Not need

I'm sorry I broke your heart
I only wanted to uphold it
In grace and love
But I'm human
Rather
I'm wearing a human costume

If it's more then energy
If it's thought too
But you still won't call
Yet believe like I do
Just send the ring
With your broken promises, too
And I'll still have broken
All my rules for you

To those whom I've loved
Who loved me back
But left me
Because you thought I deserved better
I ended up alone
Because to you
Alone is better then the love you
Had to share with me
And to me
This is a tragedy
Not because I am lonely
But because your love was
Worthy of me

Showering me with attention
Interacting every day
And the moment I took notice of you
You were over me
And you went away
Stifled before the start
Twisted our callous hearts
I only want you
I'd rather be alone
Then wait for nothing
On my phone

I've got no space for pain from you.
There is no hole inside of me.
No emptiness. No loneliness.
I've only got space for love
Do you hear me?
You can't take my power from me.
And I won't take yours.
I refuse to feel that way.
Its been long enough...
To be healed.

I feel you
Missing me
Are you?
It's okay
The question is rhetorical
You don't have to answer

I don't want to give it to him
I don't want the four of them to keep talking to me
Because they are not you
I'm not going to meet people anymore
Because they are not you
But I'm not waiting for you
I'm just not interested in anyone else
Except you
And myself

like Walt Disney
You and I know each others bad sides
Let's get to know each others good sides
Just kidding I know
It'll never happen
You're too scared
And I'm too intimidating for everyone
Or maybe
I'm just not manipulatable enough
All I know is
*** the dream
I'm never getting married
I was married once
And like I said
Before I was widowed
I'll only marry once
I'm done with all 8 billion of you

I try to hate you
But I love you
I try to tell myself
You're not my twin flame
But you visit me
In the 5D
Albeit less frequently
I try to move on
But your pull is strong
Even though you don't want me
I try to forget
Let go of regret
Still you haunt me
Like your soul is mine
Energetically entwined
Chakra blending
But what do you feel
I bet nothing
For you no strings

In public
You hung on my every word
You looked for me
You couldn't wait to read what I said
In private
You ignored me
You showed me the darkness that lurks
Around your head
You should have paid me
If my material was so worth sharing
With everyone but yourself
Open communication
That's all I really wanted from you
I was reactionary
To a confusing message from you
I'm important to you when a crowd is around
Somehow I feel used
I'd offer you a clean slate
Set your boundaries with me
And I'll set mine
Let's start again
But I know that day is not coming
You never intended for me
To love you
In the end

Because the last words you ever said to me meant
Your Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Rokfin, interviews, articles, and images
Are not mine
They are not mine to view
Not mine to watch
Not mine to hear
Not mine to read
They are only mine to let go of
Without looking
Without knowing
And move on

It took me four months of spending hours with you four to five days a week to notice you
To love you
But with all these random men
Falling in love with me at first sight
Saying things to me
Not what I said to you but
I keep thinking the way I feel about their words
Was the way you felt about my words
They don't know me they just want to control me
They just want to fill some hole in their lives with a pretty face
Did you think my love for you so shallow
So hollow
As this
Did I bring you the emotions
They bring me
Unseen possession to be won
That's not what you are
That's not how I see you
But I guess it doesn't matter
Because you're not interested
And I am without your mind, body, and attention
And tied to your soul, Chakra bound
Forever
Come to me, open up to me
Is a futile request
I'll never stop hoping for
While I lean against the bolted shut door

You provided a dream
The catalyst to my healing
The doorway to my return to peace
So that when I meet someone
Prepared and willing to love me
I'll be prepared and willing to love him too
And for that I thank you
You refuse to be the one
But you got me ready for him

I miss the potential we have.
I miss how you shine in the world
LIke a beam of light through a storm.
My eyes turn gold
When I'm thinking of you.
Sunsets display more colors,
And my love does too.
Like I told you
These feelings are never going away.
And I wouldn't want them to.

My heart soars on the breeze of the universe
More of a gaseous travel through an empty oblivion
Bounding from particle to particle
From electron to electron
Sounding the thundering blasts
Of silence
And birds sing to me
Calling me back to peace
Back to a space
Where I can be bound to earth
Bound to the soil
Head bent toward the flowers
Classifying each species
As I observe their colors
Blending into one another
As the wind pulls them lightly
Back and forth across my sight
Still my heart feels you
And takes flight
Like those playful birds
Leaving me alone at night

I showed you my worst
Because if I was to love you
I needed you to know me
Wholeheartedly and to the core
And I know you
On some levels
However, I found
You didn't seek to be known

When you meet the greatest love of your life
You'll find you can't run anymore
There will be no where to run
Because that love is inside of you
I'm going to rest my feet
And breath deep
Now

I awoke to my twin
Wish I'd sleep again
Mirrors that trigger
And shatter
And tatter
The silk and the lace
Strung up in place
Of our egos trace
Meant to displace
The darkness we
Refuse to embrace

From the kegle joke that was the first time you ignored me
To the message telling you off for instagrams random notification attached to a message I unsent you
I regret every message I ever sent you
On Twitter, email, or instagram
Except the last three emails
I don't regret those three.
I'm sorry that when someone isn't interested in me
I have to make sure they never will be
I'm sorry for the damage I caused you
And caused my own heart
I meant the last three emails
I meant every word after I finally got my way
And I regret wanting my way
Because all I really wanted but knew I could never have
Was you
And for some reason I felt you loved me
But I see that could never be true
Because everything I wanted to offer you
I couldn't
And I didn't

YouTube saves all the recordings
Not sure if the other streaming services
Do the same
But if you come at me
I never cyber stalked you
I asked you to block me multiple times
And you didn't
You did answer my messages:
In the livestreams
And those recordings could be used
In court
Remember
Everything you ever said to me
Every comment that was a direct throwback
To one of my messages
Every time you went out of your way
To read my comments aloud
Because I will use that all against you
If you try to put a false case against me
Because I truly was never your stalker
And you can't pretend you never interacted with me
When you know **** well you did
We aren't strangers
You can't hide what's been recorded
And I will protect myself from you

My love was not wasted on you
But it would have been better spent
Being showered on myself

I was worthy of love
Turns out
All the people
Telling me I'm not worthy of love
Are right
I'm not
I'd still wife me, though.

I guess I succeeded in making you feel strongly for me
Because now you hate me
I should have known my love was wrong
The moment I felt love
My intuition is wrong
It gets everything right
Except what it says about us
Reality is wholly opposite of what it's telling me
I hope I never run into you again
Anywhere
Ever
I am sorry for the damage I've caused
But you don't know or care your damage
How can you be the person who healed me the most
And the person who made me feel the most wrong
That I've ever felt in my life
I wish you'd told me not to contact you months ago
I wish I'd never met you
Because now I've found the one
And I understand I've no one

My intuition is wrong
And you really don't love me
Fine, I'll let you go then
Goodbye

To know you never watched
A single video of mine
Never read
A single poem
Never followed
A single link
These are the parts
That break my heart
Because you don't believe me
When I say I see you
Because you don't see me

I can't bring you joy
I can't make you happy
I am a burden
My love isn't ever
Something someone wants
I only wanted to be
Someone positive in
Your life
But I failed
So goodbye

All you see
Is a red flag

My love for you
Is like the sunrise
On a cloudless day
It can't help but shine
On you
Your love for me
Is like the sunset
Leaving me in the dark
With stars in my eyes