Today is going to be the best day of my life
I am going to accomplish my goals
I am going to bring to fruition
The harvest of what I've sown
The truth of how I've grown
I am going to bring forth
The manifestation of hard work
The results of all my efforts
To become the person
I always wanted to be
And have always been
Becoming and expanding into
A more effective projection
Of myself and my intentions
For this world to heal it
Just a little bit
And so will you

And give in
Because I can't run
And I can't hide
I hope this doesn't
Just start
The same cycle again

Google it.
Read all about it.
Watch videos on it.
Make it a core part
Of every decision
You ever make.
You don't need anyone else
To tell you anything else.
This is what cured me.
You're not broken.

I love you
I feel like
I love a wall

Today the sky looks vibrant
From both sides of my house
The red clouds in the sky
Calling the birds out
The moon still high
To meet the sun halfway
Glorious reds and oranges
Chasing the moon away
So I rise up from my bed
To start the greatest day

You upset me so much
That I can't go to bed now
Without first
Cleaning the dishes
Instead of waiting until morning
Or I upset me so much
Whatever
Is there a difference?

Meet in my safe space
The only place to keep my promise
Or you meet me nowhere

That Ty could shred my confidence
Rip away my resonance
Tear me apart
Force me to depart
Make me feel like I'm back at the start
Of my emotional farce

But Infinity tells me
I don't have to begin again
I haven't lost my progress
Nor worn it thin
I'm still on my path of growth
I've broken no oaths

The only real change
Is no place where you and I can engage
Because in that space
Where you feel safe
I can no longer trace
I no longer feel safe

And I miss you terribly

When other women
Find the one
They are correct
But now that I found the one
I am wrong?

I was raised on self-hatred
Easily narc baited
So forget finding love
I don't deserve love
I don't deserve a partner
Try only for disaster
I don't deserve a child
Independence too wild
I deserve to rot alone
In my beautiful home
My entire **** life
Just another lonely night
I'm not going to the livestream
I'm killing this fake dream
I am just an idiot
I need to move on and get with it

Triggered
Self-blame and self-hatred
Now I am even farther behind
Then I was at step one
I'm destroyed
My ugliness is back
To consume me
To rip my soul to shreds
In all my disgusting
Lack of grace
I can't overcome this
I am too ugly
I am walking away
From the twin flame journey
But at least the troll who ruined me and I made up

When he pulls me
There is no where to go
No where to meet him
But I still like it

I am no one's obligation.
You think that is love?
You think that is support?
You think it makes me
Feel warm and f'ing fuzzy
To hear you feel obligated
To love me?
Obligated.
I will punch you in the face.
Stay out of my life.
Forever.

My love for you burns
Like my distraction
Strong and true

I am lovable
I am worthy of marrying
I am worthy of spending a life with
I am worthy of love
I am worthy of family
Even though the only one who can see that
Is me.

Well, and my friends...
And the online acquaintances who have tried to hook us up
Sigh.

Hundreds of people
Torn apart
Shredded lives
Forty years of pain
Separation
Sorrow
Fear
And isolation
All because one a-hole
Gave my brother Shawn
A bad bag of dope
And my nephew
He broke the chains
Of the family curse
But I seem
To be a victim of it
In my own life
Of lovelessness

I am lovable.
I want a husband.
I want the exchange.
I want the connection.
I want a child.
I want a family.
I want what isn't allowed
In my family
For me.
I want it all...
and I can't have it.

When it's the one
So why not me
Because you are the one
You're the mirror image
Of me
Being in your presence is
Coming home
So please
Be in my presence
Let me be
The same for you
That you are for me
The catalyst
Of bliss

I got up and started watering the front plants
I got up and started sorting and clearing
I got up and felt the love in my dance
Then I came to understand
It was love for her in your earrings

Cuz you remind me of Chris
I can't do this
Chasing you down the way
I won't stay
If you'll stray
But you can't stray from
What never held form

Thank you
You're beautiful
I'm grateful
I'm looking elsewhere

I remember thinking how could he possible smell the same

What if he's a catch I mean he is a catch what if he catches me

I'm not ready to be caught I feel like I'm too close to the hook

I want to take the meat off the hook without getting the hook stuck in my lip

What if it's already there and he just hasn't reeled me in yet

I want to let go
But I don't
I can't stop doing this
There's help when I'm a victim
But not when I'm a perpetrator
I don't love you or anything
I just want you
I want to feel you wrap around me
And within me
Obtrusively
But you don't
Which is good for both of us
Still when I think of you
I burn and
I want you to burn in me

I was at the women's march
You were at the women's march

Not more then 20 feet in front of me
Walking in a straight line
Horizontal to the line I stood upon
Was she with you too
Are you that ****** daring
Because I may write her
Before I visit the police
I told you if I saw you here
I'd go to the police
I've seen you thrice

But I harassed you, too
In vengeance
In revenge
In a futile uprising of strength
That fizzled out into
Your next fix
So there it is:
I will see you soon

I was stalked at the women's march
Is that Irony?

I threaten to leave
You show up next to me
I promise to stay
You beg I go away

On my mother's side
It's my purpose to hide
It's my purpose to give
So long as I never live
It's my purpose to allow
You to take it all
It is written before I was born
My destiny that I should be torn
To bits and pieces for my sins
For ever trying to win
For any talent I have
You know they all are bad
Cut me down from every angle
Every personal thought entangle
In your web of lies and deceit
Begging to steal the shoes from my feet
Begging me to never succeed
Begging me to be in need
Wishing you had me in a sling
You stole my ******* engagement ring

Is it the playful chase
The innocent discovery
The carefree connectivity
Of our youth

Is it the outlined criteria
Designed and designated
Set by our dreams and goals
Set in stone to crumble

Is it that freeing moment
When we just knew
When I stood by his side
Through to death

Is it the messy memories
Of a drunken misfits dream
Leading us through the desert
To another bar of separation

Is it the calm convenience
The perfect formula for peace
The support we always craved
Which lacks desire

Or is it the wolf
That shattered all my illusions
Fostered my delusions
Shook me from my place of love

Cracked my DNA
Birthed my fear
Killed my nostalgia
Fueled my obsession

I don't know what love is after all

Certain dark habits
We don't shake
Embrace insanity
Prevent break

You were all just
So beautiful
Life lived in jest
Quite bountiful

So my shadows
Mark my madness
As I follow
My own quests

Her soul is like lace
Her eyes are like blue moonstones
Shimmering from the bottom of a clear lake

I dream of you
But can't see you
I desire for you
But can't be with you
I burn to know you
But won't reach out
You wouldn't reply anyway
Except in your efforts to follow me
The lover, the stalkee, the lover, the muse
There is nothing left for me to lose
Dreaming of the twins we'll never have
With the creeper, oh, how my heart's stabbed!
Don't ever follow me again
Regardless how we may be kin
Stay away from me, don't turn
Regardless how, for you, I burn

I awoke from a dream you made for me
Gripping at my thoughts for reality
Everything changed or fallen away
Deep this desire wishing to stray
Still I hold fast to the promises I made
Hiding you close in my mind's shade
Like dominos my life changed
Step by step all rearranged
In ways unimaginable
Because I met you

I don't hide anymore.
Still waiting to see you at my door.
Still looking out my shade.
Still holding close my blade.
Gold, green, brown, and sage.
The colors of your rage.
The colors of my kitchen countertop.
Still I can't believe you'd stop.
I heard that motorcycle-
I heard it.