I know you love me
I'll never wait for you
I wait for no one
I'll be all that you are
Whether you are near
Or far
I hold your heart
You hold my heart
Farewell

Enjoy your loneliness
And I will enjoy mine
While we never let the words slip
Of what could have been
From our minds
You dream like me
We are lost in time
I don't know why
You didn't come
You must feel as hollow
As a drum

So much today.
Signs and synchronicities.
I didn't notice them at first.
They were just the
Everyday occurrences.
But then as I got closer to you,
I realized my anxiety
Had decreased.
As each mile passed
I felt at peace.
Then I had to turn
And from you go east.
Again the rise in anxiety.
Still the sensation,
Even though we are not visiting,
My soul has come home to me.
Our soul or frequency
In the same place or
The same vicinity.
I know I always feel whole:
But I feel even more whole...
Like we are complete
Near each other.
I don't even have to see you
To have this peace.
So what would happen
If we were together?
What would that feel like
If this feels so good?
I still can't believe
I knew your car was
teal/turquoise!
How did I know that?
I hope you feel all this too...
Have a good show
Twin flame.

I didn't even know I was an abuser
I don't deserve to be loved
I wish I would just die
But I guess I'm better off alive

Now you're another guy who can't have me
Sitting there with all your red flags in the bin
Never seeing clearly or understanding
The opportunity you had been given
Now my heart is closed to you like the others
Regardless that you're some mythical soul's twin
Now you're just some ****** quite obtuse
My tolerance and patience have worn thin

You wanted to have me arrested
Because I have anxiety
Because you led me on
By letting things escalate
Because you loved the attention
And you love the drama
And you love having power
Over other's emotions
You love controlling
Someone's mood
With your block button
And your silence
Mixed with gaslighting
Just enough attention
To keep them holding on
Just enough abuse
To convince them
It is all their fault
Love turns to hate
And I hate you
F you and your manipulatiom
How dare you threaten me
You know what you did
I am too good for you
And you know that too

You're just someone in the past now
All the inspiration you brang
Has slipped away down the drain
Not a drop of love left in me for you
Not a moment of time left to do
Anything to change and make things right
Just a memory slipping out of my night
Looking back but forgetting what drew me in
Only seeing toxicity, you were never my friend
My heart closed off once again
No sense of home, no sense of kin
Just me in my glory day after day
On my stage alone to shine and to gain

I am finally angry with you
I talked to a lawyer
I showed him some of the communications
Including all my emails
He said since I only contacted
By email and Instagram
And never threatened you
Or even called you names
And because there is video evidence
Lining up with your indirect responses
To my messages
Gaslighting me
And communicating with me
In every stream I attended
Not to mention
If I am such a threat to you
Why did you book a show
In my city
Near my house
You don't have a case
And if you threaten me again
Or take action
I will sue you
You were right to run
Because you aren't man enough for me
Or you'd of told me you weren't interested
Early on instead of
Waiting until things escalated
And gaslighting me on your stream
You have anger issues
I'm grateful you rejected me
I dodged a bullet
I'm working on my attachment style
And the man I seek
Who is seeking me
Will thank you
For teaching me where I need work
And not tying me down
So he can love me
The way you never could
You should also work on your attachment style
Or all you will ever have
Is the drama you repeat
You don't know me
And you never will
You were wrong about me
And I nolonger apologize
And I won't accept yours
F twin flames
Don't give a s about that connection
Rather marry happily
To someone who will value me
Sorry I loved you
You're right that was a mistake
This fantasy is dead

Just meet me once
In person
In September
Then if you still
Aren't interested in me
I will forget you
I will forget you if you don't
Just give me one date
It's the only thing I ever wanted
From you
What's the worst that could happen
You meet a pretty girl
And move on afterward
Meanwhile the worst
That can happen
That hasn't already
If you don't meet me
Is we will never know
And live with a what if

You're not a nice person
You never gave a **** about me
You have anger issues
You have no sense of humor
You are a vegan
You probably smell like mothballs
You probably aren't good in bed
Because you are cold and callous
You are exploitative
You are a gaslighter, too
You can't stand up for yourself
Until you are explosive
You probably have too large of a bleep anyway
You are not the one
I swear it, being my twin flame aside
You are not the one.

"If I call you manipulative does that make you manipulative"
"Why haven't you answered me today are you safe"
"Can we be friends"
I don't know you
I don't want to know you
Any of you
You're all a joke to me
Just when I feel strong
Just when I don't want G
They come in droves
And I want what I cant have
Because it doesn't want me
Keeps its games to itself
Doesn't say stupid things
Usually
Well doesn't say anything at all
Its a ghost
But the rest of you
Thank God I work with men
So I don't become
Completely jaded
By the idiocy of the droves
No, calling me manipulative
Doesnt make me manipulate you
Calling me beautiful
Doesn't turn me on to you
Asking for daily interactions
Doesn't attach me to strangers
Call me disorganized
Call me avoidant
Call me anxious if you are G
Call me secure
Call me annoyed
To have met you

That's been my plan all along
But I took Tuesday off
In case I run to Bishop
To avoid you
Doing a show
Three miles from my house
On a route I drive daily
But if I stay
Come see me
I'll turn your heart and soul
Into a pile of mush *****
You'll be glad you came
My address is public
Just look up my name
If I bolt instead
I will tweet about it

I am starting to understand
Why I love you so deeply
I'm starting to gain clarity
Why this isn't going to work
Why you can't meet my needs
As a phantom of the parenting
I never received
As a mirror of the disconnect
I always seek
So that I can run quickly
When you're close to me
I am seeing the pattern
Run before they can hurt you
Choose the ones that never stay
So I can stray
So I can splay
My love against my own walls
Built up in circles around me
So I don't get trapped
In the corner
Free and rushing to stay free
And I see how you
Don't work for me
But I still love you deeply
Every word I spoke to you truth
Stay far away from me
Let me love you from a distance
Let me wait until another lifetime
But you're different
Because you don't escape my mind
You're just like all the rest
Selectively choosen to test
My resolve to keep my alonesss
But the difference
Between you and them is
I really want this
I'm working hard for it now
To change my pattern
Not for you, the one I love
But for the next one I will love
Who will not fit the pattern
Because you were specifically selected
One who will not be returning
I can't expect a different answer
From a formula I planned so well

The sun rose red and then orange
The temperature stayed low
Lower then it has been
Will it still cross 100 degrees?
Smoke hazed the air brown
The dry red dust joined the ash
Dancing and twirling on the low winds
In twisters broken by the road cut
Underground rodents in burrows
Rushed through the maze
Flighting for their lives
As water trucks spread droplets
That quickly evaporate
We are not sustainable

"My beautiful wife
Hold me for the rest of my life
You were never my burden
You were always my songbird"

I can't do it
I can't stay angry
I can't hold to
The name calling
You're such a ****
I swear I believe that
Please trust me
When I say it
Don't think for one second
That I am all forgiving
That you can do no wrong
Just because
You shine like no other
You shine like me
Partition up
Just a curtain
A heavy curtain
I see the shapes
On the other side
I am angry now
I swear it
Don't believe otherwise
There is no love
In that which lies
A cold tattered wretch
On the cold wooden stage
Who plays that part
Not you nor I
We are the light
And we shine
Through love, bright
But I swear
I've convinced myself
That you are a ****

The sun rises on me
Whether I'm at the sea
Or somewhere else
Where I feel free
Just let me be

The sun sets alone on me
On the beach
Or in the rocks
Anywhere I place my feet
One at peace
One released
Anywhere I want to be

You were special to me
Now you are especially
Removed from my life
Not because you demanded it
But because I tired of ways
You insistently brought strife
I turned it around to peace
Communication and appreciation
Spreading light around in spite

My life has been full of self growth
Where has it gotten me
Backsliding
With the one I love
Success only
In individual endeavors
I was raised
Not to love
Not to be loved
So I stand
In my successes
Alone

Why are you
The only person
I couldn't let go of
Because you were needed
To teach me
My attachment style
So I can heal it
I couldn't heal
What I couldn't see
As I discarded
Everybody

Tonight the stage was mine
The audience was mine
The cameras were mine
And I shone
I found myself grateful
The pandemic is being ignored

I'm pretty sure a year ago today
Was the first time I
Met you in a livestream
I didn't love you until Nov 24th
Those first four months
Were platonically perfect
I loved spending hours
4 to 5 nights a week
With you
You running long in those days
Staying longer and later with us
With me
You never disappointed me
Or if you did
You are forgiven for all
I love you unconditionally
And I forgive myself for all
Everything I said that upset you
Once I came to love you
I know we may never
Have that bliss in 3D again
That sense of comfort
Of coming home
But I won't forget
And I relive, spiritually, energetically
Those moments with you
Feel you when you pull me
Miss you when you miss me
We are one
Happy anniversary 🎉

Honestly
Babe
That was the strangest experience
Of my entire life
Talk to me about it
Please

By this Soul Connection
By this energetic connection
By my promise not to ignore my intuition
There is just so much going on with me
Beyond the physical world
I'm guessing from our experience last night
You're in the same situation
I try to never contact you I really do
But I promised myself
I'd never ignore my intuition
So I don't
Buy a burner phone
So you can contact me safely

I used to believe there were no coincidences
Until I met you
If I am to take you at face value
The word coincidence must be true
If everything happened for a reason
You would not leave me blue
You would reach out and confirm this
As I've repeatedly asked you to

I tried to be there for him
I just failed
That's all
You can't be there for someone
Who won't let you

He put his claws into me
Boxed me away
In a steel cage
With only walls
No bars
Where darkness subsides
Only when
I shine my own light
Against the scribbled patterns
Of love never found
Etched in the metal
I beg please free me
Even though he can't

You're getting serious
With your side chick
Taking things to the next level
Of commitment
I'm not going to write about you
Anymore
It is done
I'm going to smother my love for you
Until it dies
Why do I feel the way I do
When every feeling was a lie.

I don't think that I need somebody
I don't think that I need someone
I don't need anybody
I am the only one
I am the only one

I want to feel you
I want to touch you
I want to kiss you
I want to hold you
I want to look in your eyes
And I won't

All chords cut
When songs remind me of you
Some dream potential
Of what we'll never do
Some wistful wish
For a love burning true
Memories of bliss and let downs
Leaving us both blue
💙

I don't care about more people hearing
What I have to say
I don't care about money
I don't care about fame
I don't care about exposure
I liked my little artistic
Hipster circles of expression
I don't care what the twin flame journey
Says I need to expand to for union
I want my life of peace and joy
You're the famous exposed part of this soul vibration
I'm the intimate expression of our arts in small circles
On your side of the stage partition, an auditorium
On my side of the stage partition, a house party
A drum circle
A rave
A jam session of 20 to 40 musicians at once
You tell your jokes to the masses
I tell my jokes in karaoke circles
And one on one in small groups
I'm done questing for more
I'm going back into oblivion
Its more fun
You inspired me to try
But I dont need what you have
To be your equal
I already was

Why have you captured my heart
To not want it
And how did you do it
When most fail
I'll do better
Please reciprocate
You never gave me a chance
Before I entered your sphere of hate
Is my bad side really that bad
Comparably
No, it isn't.
But you were never here to be gone
So I'll just be me doing me
A queen

I wish I didn't wish we'd never met earlier
I'm just sad that we will never meet again
I'm glad I met you

I could hate you
The way you hate me
I wish I didn't wake
And fall asleep
To the thought of you
I wish we never met

I'll never reject you
As long as you don't back stab me
Or lie to or about me
Aside from that
I'm always here for you
Always

I've seen things
You'd never tell
And I accept you
And I'm down
I like these things
Coming from you
Words I cannot say
Not in public
And not to you
Things you want to do

You made me feel ashamed to love you
But that shame is based in lies
There is nothing wrong with me
There is nothing wrong with my love
The only wrong
Was your inability to speak up sooner
And your cruelty when you finally
Spoke your truth
My love is pure
Regardless your shades of *****
You chose to view love through
Regardless of your gaslighting
You hold plausible deniability for

You start shining like the sun
Gold light across my horizon
Then you swell like the ocean
Teal waves crashing over me
And you end like the night
Your darkness blinds my sight

That your father sent me
He said love him
Don't turn your back on him
Be there for him
Support him with your healing light
But when my light touches you
It changes from healing to disease
I cannot bring you healing
Joy or happiness
Only frustration and anger
As you bring me sorrow
I'm not saying I'm a shaman
But this is one healing
I was not strong enough for
And I failed you
And I failed your father
Good luck in healing yourself
Because that's all you've got
I don't care to hide it anymore
You already think I'm crazy, anyway.
I can't do anything for you
Even if my job is not finished
You are
And so I am

Sorry.
Tell your father.
You healed me, instead.

I tried to make amends with you
But it was impossible
It was impossible
So I give up
No amends need ever be made
No amends will ever be made

I accept that you hate me
I won't try to make amends anymore
Go ahead and hate me
Until the end of time
I guess from your perspective
I deserve it

What do you get
Out of victimizing yourself
Out of pretending I
Am some grand villian
You should fear
And that poses you threat
When the only real threat
Were your walls coming down
And being loved
I am not capable
Of the visions of demise
You've written me into
The perils you imagine
I will bring to you
I am only capable
Of arguing with you
Hugging you
Holding you
Loving you
And running from you
I am only capable
Of trying to talk things through
Trying to work things out
I am not capable
Of your dramas

I'll tell the world you were my false twin flame
Let that entire journey slip away into the past
You know the truth
Don't you
You're still my muse
I still will write
I still will sing
Inspired by you
How could I help it
But it will be
Our secret
I'll never reach out
Again

Just because
You are still my muse
Just because
My heart soul and intuition
Still wronglyfuly choose you
Doesnt mean
You get any more time
Than what is needed
To express myself
Through my arts
And certainly doesn't
Warrent your false beliefs
That I stalk you
When I don't
Have you ever been stalked?
Because I have
And writing poems
Without using your name
Anonymously
On some site somewhere
Singing songs
On my instagram
Writing tweets
About my journey
All with you unnamed
To express my
Unrequited love through art
Doesnt fit the bill
Of a stalker
Honey

Stars fall from the sky
Through my pen
And on to the page
For you

I've never written so many poems in my life
Not for anyone
Not for any reason
Not for any strife
But when you hit my heart it struck like a knife
And the words never stop pouring out
Flooding the night

Some days I'm lonely enough to miss you
Some days I'm free and happy enough to love you
Some days I manifest you
Somedays I know my love can't arrest you
And Mondays are for brooding in despair
Especially when, like clockwork, at 8, I could be there
I won't, I refuse to go
Because you don't show

I love you
I hate you
You are my muse
I love you
I hate you
You are my muse
Nothing I say
Is any new news
I'm intimidating to you
You have to run
I'm too weak for you
You are no fun
I'm too independant
You can't be vulnerable
I'm too codependent
You've got to block and go
I'm too perfect
You can't accept
I'm too wrong
You can't forget