You were looking for a perfect love
That never makes mistakes
I was looking for you
We both ended up where we started
Alone

I am Darcy
And I am Elizabeth
And you are a phantom
That never existed

I found someone else
When he sings
Awkward and beautiful
When he follows me
Across my social medias
Daily
When we find ourselves
Writing back and forth for hours
But he hasn't called me
So maybe not
But he is doing a hellofa lot better
Than you did
You chump
I will always love you
But in that
You already lost me
Kinda way
Which would actually
Make you glad
And that is sad
Someone else will reap the harvest
Of all you had sown
In manifesting me
In inspiring my change
So I could be the best
Lover I have ever been
For someone new
Not you

Dear Graham,
I hate you.
F off.
Sincerely,
Clarkia

I finally broke the habit
And let you go
Nearly two months after
When I got a new job
Happy for the first time
In years
You find me on tiktok
Just to block me
We never
Interacted on tiktok
Well I found you
Everywhere that is left
To block you
So you can never hurt me again
Because your move
Sent me spiraling back down
Why would you take
My happiness like that
When I finally succeeded
At giving you what you want
Leaving you alone
There are no avenues left
You can never hurt me again
I love you
Take care
Good bye
For good

You count the days since I last messaged you
Waiting for my love to lapse
I count the days since I last messaged you
Like an addict hoping not to relapse

I would do anything for you.
Which amounts to leaving you alone
And working on myself
Every day for the rest of my life.

You manifested me
But then you cast away your manifestation
I know because
When I met you
I changed

I tell myself I am done with you
I will force myself over you
Force myself to forget
But when I see a shooting star
I cast one more wish

How can I love someone I don't even know
As if I dated him for years
As if all of my fantasies took place
As if I actually touched every line on his face
As if he ever gave love that could not be replaced

I long to look
Into your beautiful f'ing eyes
Like staring into the earth
And the sun
Simultaneously
I long to run
My fingers through your hair
Is it soft
Or wirey
I long to trace
Your jawline with my fingers
Already memorized every feature
You're beautiful
How lucky you are
Not to be chained to me
As I am to you
But then again
If you were
My dreams would come true

Suzie, Suzie, Suzie
She stole my man
Even though she had him
Years before I knew he existed
Give it up
I am the one for him
Give her up
I am the one for you

"For which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?"
Your neediness.
They say it kills attraction.
But to see your desperation.
Your loneliness.
Your yearning.
I've wanted nothing more
From that very moment
Than to ensure you never feel that way again.
God willing.
You didn't allow me
To be the one to take that away from you.

When I tell you I love you
I am really just saying
I love myself

I want an electric Ford Mustang
I want you
I think I'll sing you Barely Breathing by Dustin Sheik
A Mustang drives past me
The license plate reads PV SHOW
My heart Quakes in pain
My soul laughs
You're already mine
I'll have you a gain
My brain twists
Birds before land
I can't quit
I'm your destined plan

Why do I love you?
I don't even know you.
How have you not called me?
I'm irresistible.
How do you bare
Being without me?
I'm the one.
I had a valentine.
But I want you all the time.
Well back to pretending
I don't love some stranger.

I hope you are well
I love you
Be my valentine
Take care
Bye now
Bye bye
Bye bye

My goddess
Love of my life
My wife
Bringer of bliss

I know it's been too late
For a year and a month
But can I please change my answer to
I want to make you love me
Because you could never hate me

All you've done
The past year
Is prove to me
You are completely unlovable
And I love you anyway

They are petty
You say
They are childish
You imply
You don't waver
You claim
And all I see
Is your cracked mirror
Reflecting your truth
Back to me
You are petty
You are childish
You waver
You crumble
Like the man
In the radio head song
And still
I love you
Which you see
As unacceptable
Disgusting
Deplorable
Goodbye

Was your recognition
Because I've been through hell
Being you
Being me
But now
F it, babe
Don't ever wake up
Don't ever recognize me
Sleepwalk your whole life
I can finish this integration
Force myself to let you go
Forever
I'll do my best
My damndest
Not to give you any more chances

You still hate me.
I accept you always will.
Please never wake up.
I don't want you to feel this connection.
Leave me here alone with you.
With Myself.
You can never love me
As much as you love me.

I would swim across the ocean
To be with you tonight
I would rip the sky apart
To hold you tight
I would move mountains
To find you in the valley
I would ***** volcanoes
To have you close to me
There is nothing else
I want or need
Then to put your face
In my hands
And express to you
All my plans

Merry Christmas, twin flame.
I hope you are not lonely.
I hope you spend the holiday with friends.
I hope you are warm and feeling well.
I hope you are happy and feeling whole.
I don't know you yet I miss you.
I wish you were spending Xmas with me.
I'm not allowed to but I love you.
I'm yours, or rather,
I'm mine.
As I spend my holiday alone,
Because I don't want to spend it with
Anyone else but you.

I can't always be grateful to you
but sometimes I am grateful
for all the disdain you hold for me
because that is what motivated me
to Surf and to do stand-up
and I love both
just to push you off my stage
co-star

How long must I go on
Feeling unrequited love
Feeling guilty for loving you
If I can't stop loving you
I hope I die
Now

Your apology was expected
Because I told myself to expect it
But I was so surprised
When you called
When it wasn't spam
It was finally ......
And the words spilled from your lips
"I've had enough time
I'm not angry anymore
I reread your email I last replied to
I also read the last email you sent
I recognize you were trying to have empathy for how I felt
I have thought a lot about everything that happened and
I have empathy for your perspective
I forgive you.
I also apologize for taking things out of proportion
When I couldn't see your perspective
Or understand you were taken
By your anxiety
After having time I realized
You really tried to make amends
And you weren't a threat
I'm sorry I treated you cruelly
Do you want a clean slate?
Let's start over from here."
And I accept
And I am grateful
And I will spend every day
For the rest of my life
Working to not make the same mistakes
Again
Because in this friction
I am the one

I'm just going to write
As if I were there
My readers will think
I've found love
I haven't
But I can dream love
Fantasize it's possible
There is no other way
I've tried letting you go
For a year
I've tried erasing you
Ive tried manifesting you
Now I'm just going to write you
As my fiction
Until someday someone
Is my truth

Ripple through the changing multiverse
With your love
Echo through my mind, my soul
Reverberate into my world
Shake me to the core as you always do
Let me see the physical side of you
Come crashing through my gate
Like a whirlwind of fate
Wrap me up in your hugs
That define your love
I've felt the bliss again and again
Bring forth what you are, my friend
My lover
No more spiritual slumber
We shall quantum leap
Into the spaces
Where we can't be separated
And both release the curses
That trap our love in verses
Of unrequited poets
Words of those that do not know us
Know what and who we are
Too brazen brilliant stars
With scars
Heal and be enraptured
Tend to mending sutures
Never again will we
Feel the broken heart of
"I must leave"

A year ago today
You took a piece of me
A piece of my heart
A piece of my soul
A lock of my hair
A strand of my energy
And I can't get the pieces back
I can't cut the cords
I don't even know you anymore
You're just some stranger
That I adore

He will love me
He will cherish me
He will be in regular contact
He will not be afraid
Not fear his emotions
Not fear conflict
Not fear compromise
Not fear working things out
Not fear communication
Not fear rejection
Because he will know
Rejection isn't an option
For either of us
We will communicate
We will share
We will be open
We will be equal
He will be loving
He will be caring
He will be firm
He will set boundaries
He will respect boundaries
He will be forward
He will be blunt
He will be dedicated
He will be loyal
We will share interests
We will build each other up
We will help eachother
On our paths to our best selves
He will give me
What you don't appear capable of
I love you
But I'm going to love him more
Because
I'm going to love him as much
As he is going to love me

What you thought of the trial
You didn't have much
Unusual to say
But that five minutes
Of watching your
Beautiful face
Hearing your
Soothing voice
Your silly sound effects
Filled me with joy
Love emanated from
Every cell in my body
God I miss you
But I don't know you
So now I go back
To pretending you
Never existed in my world
Never took my heart
Made me your girl
Dejectedly and
Without your participation
So that's why
For so long
Ive tried manifestation
I don't know you
You trigger me
But I love you
And I'm taking your fame
I was told I reminded someone
Of George Carlin
Can you believe that?
Best compliment
I've ever received
My kombucha joke
Is better than yours

The love remains
Missing you remains
I don't know you
Not like I did then
Not like I ever did
But I feel you
I vibrate with your presence
I feel enraptured
By my love for you
Unconditional
Everlasting
Unwavering
Quaking through
My unrequited heart
My soul at one with
Some essence of yours
Something you left behind
Unnoticed
That is mine

My love ignites
Burns hot
Like a crown fire
Ripping through a forest
Thick with brush
Burning up every bit of me
On its way to you
Ash blowing on the wind
With every sensation I send
I ascend
Caught above the flames
Smoke dispersed bits of grey
Landing on your windowsill

My love is a grace
That holds me
When I'm in need
Of comfort and support
My love is a claw
Ripping through my chest
Shredding my heart
And my stomach
To confetti, to dust
My love is present
My love is longing
My love is you
And you are me

My old boss and mentor
Shared a song
It reminded him of me
An Irish tune, The Tinker's Coin
Of a traveler passing through
And it pulled my heartstrings
My thoughts went to you
My love you were to me
And I was to you
Only a traveler passing through
But you took my heart
And I took your name
Like the coin she gave
It was my unwilling gift to you
So I walk without it
To my grave
A traveler passing through

Telepathy or not.
You've held me a thousand times.
Placed your hand at the nape of my neck while you kissed me.
Pulled my hair lightly.
After entangled your fingers in it at the back of my head.
You've gently rubbed your nose against mine.
Held me cheek to cheek.
The only thing he didn't do
Was hold a tendril of my hair,
And trace it to the end.
Every sound I heard
Or imagined you'd make
He made
Every sigh
And that strong overpowering passion
And the softest touch I've ever felt
Like his skin is made of the finest silk
The affirmations I've listened to
Night after night
Included asking me if I was OK
Checking in with where I was at
He did them all
My personal thought of well maybe you've  had a vasectomy
Maybe you haven't
Well this guy has
The marriage joke I made with you
Yeah he made a marriage joke with me
Turns out jokes are jokes, did you know that?
I'm so confused
Because the higher self
I get from you
Or imagine
Is everything he is
I'm so confused
I love you
And you're a phantom
And he is right here
Unsure if I was present
Which I was
How could I not notice
Everything about him
That I've manifested
You really don't understand
What you missed
When you let me go

I never lost
My childlike wonder
Until I met him
And now I wonder
Where it has gone
Did he take it
Can I have it back
Now, please

I sat on the beach
And you didn't sit with me
I looked up from my coffee
And didn't see your eyes
I walked from my bnb
And you didn't walk with me
I surfed the waves
And you weren't to my left
I joked the open mics
And you weren't there fuming
Over the jokes written about you
I sang karaoke
And you didn't duet with me
I laid in a strange bed
Only with my dog
I woke to a beach sunrise
A beach sunset
And your weren't there
Creating reels of the sight
Eating junk food
Because it's vegan
As I told you why
I couldn't eat it
Kissing my lips
Holding my hand
Hugging me close
Smelling my hair
Our cheeks pressed
Against each other
Your fingers in my hair
Moving it aside from the breeze
Lightly moving your fingers down
One strand to the end
Staring into my eyes
No none of this beauty
That I've manifested
A thousand times
Has come to be
Maybe next lifetime
You'll come to love me

The rain sparkles
Like glitter
Made from the dust
Of grief

I woke to cry
Greiving love I'll never have
Lost in the depths of loneliness
Until I realized
It wasn't lack of love
That had me down
It was my newly tightened braces
Hurting like hell

Leaves turning
Green to yellow, red, and orange
Pale green with a cold wind's scourge
Trees letting go, trying to teach us
How simple it is to move seasons
Live now and forget all the reasons
But our memories are built
To turn over the past haunting
Again and again as we watch
Leaves blown in the wind
Trying to break chains that bind
As hard as we can
We don't let go

I'm tired of not just sitting
Engaging in constant distraction
So that I won't feel you
I long to sit still
Peaceful in silence
In nature watching leaves blow
In the wind
But when I do
You show up again
Your energy
Your soul
My soul
Or the vibration of them
Matching
Resonating
Much to my dismay
When I said I didn't want
To be alone anymore
This isn't quite what I meant

I didn't know to treasure our moments together
I didn't know I would love you so deeply for so long
I didn't know I would lose you
My love for you erupted like fault lines after a long stillness
My love for you was a tsunami on a calm ocean
I look back and I cherish every moment we had
Before I made you hate me
Just by loving you
Too much
After all my love
Was washed away
By my anxiety...
And your compassion
Well you have none

I kept standing in my own way
I didn't understand why
But if I truly am the divine masculine
It's because you were standing in your own way
I don't know if I'm the masculine or the feminine
I only know you were gone
The moment I loved you
And I've been gone too
Untold love stories
Never to be revealed

I never think of you in the morning
I never think of you in the day
I never think of you when I dream
Or when I distract myself with my scene
I never miss your cold callous ways
I never miss your singing display
I don't want you to sing she's like the wind
Because I'll never watch your media again
It is a sin
Forget my twin

Stop running
Aka pulling my chakras
I'm not chasing you
I will talk about
Or to whomever
I **** well please
You're a twin flame too
You have a right
To your privacy
I won't tell them your name
I can't even feel where you are now
Just leave me alone tonight

In 5D you once told me
My resistance is your resistance
Well your walls are my walls
Love bounces back from them
Stays with me
Futile to love you
Futile to believe in you
All hope disintegrated
All belief dismissed
All love I feel for you
Is only mine now
You are what you want to be
Nothing to me

Most days I'm fine now
I don't look to see if you unblocked me
I don't watch your media
Haven't for a long time
I don't reread the email
Where you threatened me
Over and over
Trying to not want you
I blocked anyone who is mutual
That judges me
For admitting I have a twin flame
I accept it is what it is
Whether you believe or not
Whether you care or not
But on the days it hurts
I still can't shake
I cant stop the love
Though believe me
I try to forget
I try to erase
I have moved on
I have given up
And then someone posts
Something you've posted
You can't wait to meet them
But you'd never meet me
Because you deem me unworthy
When I'm actually more worthy
Than anyone else
And so I pick up the pieces
Of my rejected heart
All I wish
On the days I still miss you
Is that I didn't