I spent a long time
Seeing your goodness
I spent a long time
Blinded by your soul
But your ego
Is stronger
Meaner
Crueler
Excuseless
Judgemental
Blameful
Point the finger at me this lifetime
I hope to never see you again
The love I feel is magical
The hate you embody is avoidable
Stand in your dark corners
In your dark rooms
In your bitterness
Slam doors
Block accounts
Spew b.s. threats
And still
I go on shining
Brighter
Because I
Am worthy
Lovable
Magical
Sparkly
The one you'll never know
Got away

Past the curtains of my guilt and shame
Past the shooting starlight of the twin flame
Past your higher self in all its good
Stands the physical you
Cruelty embodied in every word
You actually said to me

I feel guilty for loving you
I feel shame for loving you
You treated me like loving you was wrong
You treated me like loving you was bad
I came to feel I have been wrong
I came to feel I have been bad
I recognize the mistakes I made
I've taken responsibility for them
I've put in a lot of effort to change
And although I haven't changed very much or very quickly
I will spend the rest of my life working on what was bad and wrong about me
So tell me
Why should I feel guilt and why should I feel shame
Because I dared to love someone
I thought was lovable

Every year on my calendar
I mark this date
Trying to manifest
What felt like fate
Next year I won't
Beacuase I've lost faith
You'll be happy to know
I've forgotten your face
Forgotten the imagination
Of your taste
Lost all desire
To be back in your grace
Next year and moving forward
I'll leave this date blank

Because of you
I am more mindful
I am more self soothing
I am more empathtic
I am more patient
I am more kind
I am more understanding
You forced me
To take my good parts
And enhance them
To illuminate my bad parts
And fix them
Or at least continue to try
As caring is a lifestyle
Communication is a practise
And you're the most positive loss
I ever could have had
Thank you

It is too late
I manifested for years
Nothing changed
He never came
Now
I no longer know
How to lay next to someone
I no longer want
To risk unacceptance
Alone is
So peaceful
I can imagine different
But I can't feel it
You are too late
Which is fine
Because you were never coming
I hope you find someone wonderful to love
I don't really care to stop being alone now
Bodies are hot, sticky, and judgemental
I'll pass
We lived a full life of love
In my imagination

I wish I was my twin flame's twin flame
As far as I can tell
I am not