I wish that I'd been there for you
Through our lost and lonely years
To care for you to nurture you
To softly dry your tears

But that was not what happened
I pushed you out of my way
As I burned all my bridges
Let my pain take full sway

I ignored the silent question
There was nothing I could say
Who would want to understand
The high price I chose to pay

I couldn't look you in the face
See sorrow staring from your eyes
I turned around and ran away
I guess you were not surprised

Hell bent on self destruction
I walked my path alone
I surrendered to my demons
I knew every hope had gone

What had I left to live for
In a world I could not bear
When I begged aloud to die
I believed that no one cared

And yet you did not desert me
You reached out and took my hand
Lead me out into the light
That was not what I had planned

You loved me back to happiness
Taught me what it is to live
To keep heaven in your heart
How much hurt we can forgive

If it takes a thousand lifetimes
I could never make amends
But know I won't stop trying
I will love you till the end

Staring out of the window
My head pressed against the glass
Alive and yet not quite aware
As the countryside flies past

The faint smell of filter coffee
Drifts to me from a paper cup
Reminding me to drink it
In the effort to wake myself up

Green fields blend into grey houses
With poppies for red punctuation
Brakes screech like orphan seagulls
Doors open in anticipation

People off then people on
In near perfect orchestration
Madly scrambling for a seat
As the train departs the station

Time to seek some brief comfort
Behind mobile screen or book
Face that says leave me alone
If anyone chooses to look

Glad that I’m not standing up
Trying to find space in the crowd
To keep the world at a distance
No interaction allowed

I endure the morning torture
That’s known as a daily commute
But living life this way
Seriously does not compute

I’d rather stand by the ocean
Feeling the wind caress my face
Toes in the water sun on my back
I am happy in this place

In that moment of peace
Freedom stretches out a hand
And I walk towards the sunset
Leaving only footprints in the sand

These four walls contain my life
The sum of my hopes and dreams
All looks in shipshape order
But nothing is as it seems

I walked through this door as a wife
Though my marriage was already cold
And yet on the day of my wedding
I thought our love would never grow old

Here I brought up my children
There was laughter mingled with tears
Always something unexpected
As they grew with the passing years

Still inside there was something missing
I filled the emptiness with mistakes
I courted regret and disaster
I spun out of control with no brakes

These four walls became my prison
Kept me trapped in a nightmare land
I caught glimpses of a reality
I could never quite understand

Between the cracks of sanity
I slipped slowly with silent screams
Echoing in an attic darkness
Along ever narrowing beams

I dwelt in the night of my soul
Unable to stretch out a hand
My mind an imploding chaos
My world built only on quicksand

But then came the light of my dawn
Inside my core healing began
The impossible really happens
You have to believe that it can

These four walls contain my memories
The only true life I have known
And it is here I will leave my heart
For a heart makes a house a home

Standing on the bridge of forever
Caught between future and past
In one brief moment of stillness
Wondering how long it can last

The dying echo of footsteps
The distance between here and there
Measuring out infinity
Though I think I no longer care

Once I dared to reach for the moon
I believed it within my grasp
Pride earned me my fall from grace
I hurtled down in a painful gasp

I looked up to the stars above me
As I felt my despair set in
The landing a sharp agony
The reward for my life of sin

I am staring out over the edge
To the mysteries swirling below
My question thrown into the depths
An answer I’d rather not know

I strain to hear even a whisper
Back to my desperate prayer
Some sign I am not forgotten
That someone is listening out there

How many ways could this go
Balanced here not knowing my fate
Do I drown in the fires of hell
Or can I unlock heaven’s gate

I can sense a soft scented breeze
A downbeat of angels wings
My moment is one of redemption
And deep inside I feel my soul sing

Today I don’t feel like talking
Go away and leave me alone
Don’t even think about calling me
I will refuse to answer the phone

Please don’t make any demands
I find it so hard to say no
It breaks me up if I can’t please
I need the approval to show

People can be so exhausting
Their clamouring I can’t bear
They drain my social battery
And I have no energy to spare

My front door is locked and bolted
The rest of the world can’t get in
I can’t deal with all of the chaos
It puts my head into a spin

No one to question my actions
No one to give unwanted advice
A wall to keep out all emotion
Why would I even think twice

In this agony of silence
I have lost the power of speech
Disconnected from humanity
All help is beyond my reach

I am lost inside my own mind
My only guide is my self doubt
This maze has become my prison
The exit is not my way out

Untethered from your reality
Now I am drowning not waving
Voices screaming inside my head
They tell me I’m not worth saving

And yet deep down in my core
Hides a desperate need to survive
If only I had some strength left
Maybe I’d fight to stay alive

We the faceless and forgotten
Ignored by the powers that be
We lie dying out on the streets
In places no one wants to see

We have no homes left to go to
Sleeping in the doorways of shops
Under cardboard and newspapers
Until we’re moved on by the cops

Politicians don’t want to hear
Or give us the help that we need
They say we’re idle and work shy
There are more deserving to feed

The whole world will walk on by us
Some footsteps are hurried some slow
All though have one thing in common
Unlike us they have somewhere to go

We weren’t always as we are now
Alone desperate and in pain
You don’t want to know what happened
You leave us out here in the rain

The girl with a mental disorder
The lad who’s addicted to ****
The man who cannot stop drinking
Rejected and waiting for death

We once dreamed as maybe you do
Of having a safe secure life
Until cruel fate took control
And instead brought us grief and strife

We are the silent and oppressed
They have stolen away our voices
We have no way to ask for help
We’ve been left without any choices

Her hair cascades inky black
With the sheen of a raven’s wing
Scented with her perfume
Caught up in a golden ring

Her lips the colour of poppies
Such sweet drugged kisses they bring
Spilling a heady enchantment
That makes my whole body sing

What promise is in her eyes
I drown in the depths of blue
The passion is all consuming
Never asking what is true

Low and soft she invites me
A call I cannot refuse
Every time I am near her
My need for her wakes anew

When that voice commands me
I know I have lost control
Caught tight in her silken web
No where left for me to go

All at once I know a fear
Of what I do not quite know
Is she angel or demon
Which side of her will she show

Her eyes hurl sharp shards of ice
Piercing me to my very soul
The fire that burned so fiercely
Leaves but ashes dead and cold

And yet inside of my head
The ghost of her lie lives on
Haunting my heart’s destruction
Long after she has gone