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 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
Cause Of Death
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
My cause of death won't be
A physical ailment
I won't have a heart attack
I won't get heart disease
I won't be plagued with cancer
I won't die of old age

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I give all of myself
I stop whatever it is I'm doing
To help those around me
I listen to and advise my friends
I assist my family
While no one does that for me
I am left alone 99% of the time

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I must internalize
Whatever emotions I feel
Because nobody understands
How deeply they go
They judge me and find me crazy
There is no one out there
Who is as equally emotionally strung
I am alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that when I get sick
Or when I am hospitalized
Like I was earlier this month
No one seems to think it's a big deal
My mother doesn't pay much mind
Not even the one I'm in love with
Said one word to me
I was alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I don't see hope for the future
I see ignorance all around me
I see laziness and poverty
I don't see any opportunities
For me to get out of this place
I am wandering aimlessly
And alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I hate myself
For allowing my heart and my soul
To break as they both have
I am hypersensitive
I feel abandoned
I am weak and fragile
Even in a crowd of people
I always feel alone

No, I will not die from something physical
I will die from a broken heart
© Peyton 2014
 Jan 2014 Clare
xxxx
Save her
 Jan 2014 Clare
xxxx
She's just a girl
Drowning
In an ocean
An ocean full of lies
And torment

She gasps for air
Waiting
Waiting for someone
To pull her arm
Out of the raging waters

Waiting for someone
To save her
I don't even know anymore.

/drdc/
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
Hey Baby
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
Hey Baby,
Here's a letter
To let you know
Just how much
You allow me to grow
I find myself
In you
There's nothing that
I wouldn't do
We reflect each other
You mend my heart
I think I mend yours
That is why
We shouldn't part
You might as well be
My very first love
Because for you I feel
Something I can only dream of
Is this true?
Pinch me
Love me
Give me all you are
Our love is so strong
I can feel it
Even though you're far
A life without you
Would be no life at all
Every day I get with you
Allows me deeper to fall
I'm out of my mind
Infatuated with you
All I want is to call you mine
Anything less
Would never make do
You're the smile on my face
The light in my eyes
The warmth in my spirit
The pleasure I feel
All the way to my core
You're everything to me
You're my definition of more
I couldn't live without you
I wouldn't be complete
So thank you, baby
For putting me back
On my feet
© Peyton 2014
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
Laugh It Off
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
Name calling is
A sign of weakness
And of vulnerability
10 words.

© Peyton 2013
 Jan 2014 Clare
xxxx
11:53 PM
 Jan 2014 Clare
xxxx
I can't sleep
With the flashbacks
Playing itself in my mind

Hearing every tease
Every insult
Every threat
That was said to me

Seeing the times when
I felt horrible
Alone
Useless
And hurt

They play themselves
Again and again
Until the tears would stream
Down my cheek
Rolling over
Eventually falling asleep
/drdc/

I honestly want to cry right now. I'm sorry.
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
Ugly
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
There was once a time
When I thought you were smart
So brilliant and beautiful
But now I know how dumb you truly are
Stupid, even
You lied and rejected my unconditional love
It brought out your true colors
Ugly
© Peyton 2013
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
2014 Will Be
 Jan 2014 Clare
Emily
2013 was
The year I fell in love with you
The year you broke my heart
The year I changed completely
All because of the failure
Of you and me

2014 will be
The year that I get over you
The year I rehabilitate myself
The year that I start new
And spend it on the people
Who actually love me
Happy New Year!

© Peyton 2013
 Dec 2013 Clare
Jeremy Duff
It was a victory really,
leaving this town, if only for a few days.

The drive was long, seven hours long,
but it was fun, an ounce of *** fun.

****** and in the dark
we set our tent up next to the beach.

When the moon rose and the waves grew louder
we opened our bags and procured brown mushrooms, which we ate.
A mile down the beach the mushrooms took effect
and I looked up at the stars
to find them looking back at me,
and it felt as if nature slapped me in the face
and I had to sit down.

We continued on,
stumbling and laughing and pointing at all the beautiful things we saw.
After a few hours, my brain took me in a direction I was not prepared to go.
You see, a beautiful girl appeared in my mind,
and I wanted nothing more than for her to spark the gas in my chest,
and allow me to shoot up into the stars,
the stars we have so often talked about.

But I could not feel her warmth,
and I could not touch her skin,
and I could not see her eyes.
And so I sat,
swimming in my mind,
observing burning cigarette after burning cigarette,
the smoking flowing in one ear
and out the other,
changed,
woven into intricate patterns.

Everything was beautiful,
and she was not there.
 Dec 2013 Clare
E. E. Cummings
i will wade out
                        till my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
                                       Alive
                                                 with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
                                       in the sleeping curves of my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
                                            Will i complete the mystery
                                            of my flesh
I will rise
               After a thousand years
lipping
flowers
             And set my teeth in the silver of the moon
 Dec 2013 Clare
Emily
Warmth
 Dec 2013 Clare
Emily
He and I spend the nights together
Caught up in each other's eyes
The television as background noise
The only light in the dark living room
Close cuddles on the couch
Deep kisses intoxicate
Make me forget all the bad
And remember who I've given my heart to
The one who makes me feel warm
Even on the coldest nights
© Peyton 2013
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