If I could get a tattoo
it obviously would not be of  you
you already scarred me deeper than any needle and ink ever could.
unknowingly etching your future into mine,
thats not what I want.
the removal process would take too long,
years of treatment.
This invisible tattoo you left me with,
unseen to anyone else,
I see everyday.

I want you.
She has you.
I want to talk to you.
She talks to you.
I say your name.
She says it louder.
You say Im pretty.
You say shes beautiful.
You take a picture with me.
You create and album with her.
I try to tell you.
She covers your ears.
I pull you in.
She pulls you away.
You pick her.

The mirror always wins.
showing images you never wanted to see.
hiding doesnt exist.
the mirror holds nothing back.
violently shoving unwanted graphics into the open pores you once called eyes.
not eyes anymore.
eyes are to see with.
your eyes are brainwashed and turned against you.
burning.
eyes trained to burn through cement.
seeing every ounce of fat you try to hide.
nothing can protect you from yourself.
pound by pound.
ounce by ounce.
your eyes discriminate against you.
deathly,poison, your worst enemy.
*mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fattest of us all?

The spring air, dusted with pollen,
Yet clear as fine glass
Filled our lungs as we ran
Laughing teasing
Breathing until it hurt

Remember the books I gave you
Returning what was stolen
And adding something more
The heavy smell of your fireplace
Coated my tongue
We sat on your hard red
Furniture, uncomfortably fancy.

That day in the light was the first,
The buds in the apple tree were bursting,
Flowering in the clarity of the day,
Exposing their sweet butter insides.
We were the constants,
Uninterrupted energy
Flowing like water in the sunlight

Staring at the eggshell walls
On that wooden bench
As dark as my soul
I watched you pass by
Without the slightest
Glance in my direction
I never saw your face as
I kissed your forehead

I couldn't find love,
So I thought I'd create it,
Didn't think much about it,
So I didn't think to fake it,

Going on in my head,
It played out so nice,
but you didn't feel the same way,
No, not in this life,

I pushed you to love me,
pretended we were fine,
When in reality, there was no 'real',
The relationship was a lie,

You wanted me,
I wanted more,
than to wait until midnight to knock on your door,
You pushed me away,
but I clung to your side,
I knew without you, my dream would die,
So I'll be here alone,
waiting for your 'one day',
but hopefully by then,
I'll be long gone away

I should have thought more about it,
I should have put up my guard,
I hate when that when I'm with you,
that simple task becomes so hard,
But I failed and let it down,
with your, "Let's just be friends,"
you broke my heart so many times,
why not let you do it again?

You wanted me,
I wanted more,
than to wait until midnight to knock on your door,
You pushed me away,
but I clung to your side,
I always meant for life,
when I said "ride or die",
now when you come back, I'll be long gone away,
and here you'll stay, regretting the day, you sent me away,

I put it all on the line for you,
You really ******* me over,
for what it's worth I know I'm better,
I'll find another lover,
But you, you
you are gunna miss me.

You wanted me again,
already out the door,
"Let's be more than friends,"
No honey, not anymore,
I'm passing you now with tears in my eyes,
I loved you once but we were a lie,
Now that you're back, I'm so far gone away,
I'm not coming home, No I'm not going to stay.

My beating heart, torn to shreds
beats only for you.

Once you were,
the reason for its beat.
now you are the reason,
for its agonizing defeat.

How can one muscle,
hold on so long.
even when from my sight,
you have forever gone.

Tears have dried,
but my heart still bleeds.

Every moment from which
you are missing,
I feel myself tearing.

Falling, lost, wondering.
two as one we were,
connected in mind, heart,
essence.

Estranged my soul now is.
wondering forever it calls
to the half so brutally torn.

Its tattered arms wave,
reach, stretch,
attempt closure to the
immeasurable.

Seared, scorched, beaten
faithful to the end.

It will carry on.
My beating heart, torn to shreds.


*JCM 11/10/10

Oh Indian, Old Indian,

You Navajo talker

With your words unknown

A language lost to those pale ivory devils

With the coarse yellow manes

They came in believing they

Could tame your wild heart

Beating beyond ages and

Derailing decayed cities

Buildings burn by your name

And you go with the wind

Oh Indian, Old Indian

You have ghosts dancing in your eyes

Tracing trails of tears

Down your war-ravaged cheeks

Enchanting oracles and psychic chasms

Into smoke on the water

Caught on fire

Humming a lullaby about a wolf's lonesome cry

Frozen nights and woven dreams

Oh Indian, Old Indian

You carve hearts, revealing blood

Tasting of magic deaths

And one thousand lives silenced

With one war whoop

A river runs through you

It is and was again an eternal

Thing with a passion one

Could only imagine

Fly away by the feathers of your headdress

An ancient Icarus

Oh Indian, Old Indian

When will you return again?