Breath in,
Breath out,
they say,
the sedation will feel heavy,
or did they say,
seduction?
Remember what he does,
when your asleep?
He waits,
for a dream,
soon it will come true.
But after it comes true,
the dishes will be cleared,
the laughter will die,
the guests will leave,
and the makeup will be removed.
Every night will still be the same,
dreaming up,
a new dream,
of riding this old town,
right out.

The tiredness no amount of coffee can fix,
of chasing boys since 1996.
But they keep running,
So I'll be staying and waiting.
Come knight, come armor,
get me out of this clambering mess.
I can't get out myself, I'll need an accomplice.
You. You make me want to roam free,
go out and be me!
How can I stay hidden like this?
My light inside is slowly dimming.
Please come set me free.
If you chased... If you tried...
You'd be the one I'd hold at night.
I know I'm not much,
but get to know me, and I'll be more.
You help my weary wings soar.
They are stretching out and wildly flourishing.
Once locked up so others couldn't see
is what he's really doing to me.
I'm not ready to settle down,
I'm not ready to leave my independence.
Just put you on hold, upon a high shelf,
I'll live my life by myself.
Come back to you, and get you down,
brag about the fun I had,
then only then, I'll make you a dad.

Noises in the night time,
banging and booming,
Coyotes howling to the moon.
Cows mooing in their pins,
Foxes fight in the street like ladies screaming.
And us.
A new noise in the night time.
But certainly a liked sound by me,
and certainly a sound only two have ever heard:
you and me.
the skin, the bones,
and sometimes the shower
I wonder if I will ever get tired of your skin
on mine?
Of your shoulders tattooed and never going back?
Of your whispers in my ear?
And then I think,
Sick of that?
Never.
These star reflections of carved glass cups,
encasing our love.
Only two people have heard,
the noises in the night time.

Call me brave, call me brave.
These city lights will see me
no matter my outcome.
My past lovers will still be past.
History will still repeat itself,
    God will still show himself.
How can I identify,
    When I can't even simplify
my own thoughts into continuity.
Why do I still here your laugh and cry,
    When I don't want to remember
Our old warm fall nights.
When I do free myself most,
    When I am alone and deep,
in my thoughts and intune with my body.
So often my nights rest and restlessness
go hand in hand.
So often in my days confused and anxiety
go hand in hand.
But luckily hand in hand with you means bravery.

I finally find myself,
at the lowest of lows.
No litterally...
In the basement,
Sitting in the bottom of the shower.
I keep thinking about colors,
fall colors, hair colors,
I keep asking myself,
why did I change myself.
I was perfect the way I was,
and now its going to take,
a long while to get back
to how I was.
My nose ring feels fake,
My newly died hair feels fake,
and my insides are starting to turn to plastic.
Take it all back!
Take back the die, the pierce,
But that is just one thing about
Lady Time.
She cant be taken back.
She can only move forward,
even if it means,
depression.

My dreams of you, are coming true.
The trust you have, makes you brave.
How is it just now, I am seeing this?
From the first shower, to now in your arms.
Wash me clean, scrubbing my legs, my back,
over my scars, over my flaws, over my doubt.
If I ever leave this safe place with you,
it better be to your room.
Tangeled between sheets,
caught up in giggle fits,
confident in our future.
The old loves have faded,
they still hurt, but aren't thought of.
My cold hard runs, they have ceased.
The only place I am running too
is our future beyond the blue.
I will never loose you.
Your valued to high, and your not for sale.
I believe you can, and I can too.
My dear, my dear, you are...

Look down on my dangerously, Orions Belt.
My heart is roaming wild and free.
My body is wanting late and wet.
Life starts to spin wildly out of control
I realize how steady you kept me,
   how cool and collected.
I miss your scent, I miss you holding me when my legs were weak.
But I've missed this rebel inside of me.
This careless, cool, collected mess.
And so, I turn up the music,
   so my thoughts are quieted, but one.
I wake up early to open my eyes and still my body.
I run, I run and I run to pound the pavement
and to lose all the sadness of not missing you.
Because I finally realize, I am missing someone,
and its not you, Riley.
I miss him. I miss his hands of home.
But I think he's gone from me, I think its to late.
The lonely whispers, "Yes, its to late."
  as the wind blows through.
But, the sun shines, "Yes! Tell him!" as it causes my skin to glow.

I have lived through 3 suicides,
and limitless unexpected deaths.
I have been in courts,
that only end with "guilty".
I have shared deep convicting connections,
that can never be repeated with others.
What has my body become?
My flesh is smothered with boys oils,
My heart has been replaced by mechanics,
stuck on one same beat,
My kisses have become wasted,
no longer special to me or others.
Thats only the physical.
LOVE.
How do I believe in you anymore?
Speaking of which,
when did love become approval?
When Love did you become a law?
Dry your tears child,
life is to short for so much sorrow.
How do you climb out of this depressing pit?
Laughter, God, Music.
And possibly in that order.

We loved.
We loved getting new barbies, and new guns.
We loved new toys and the thought of growing older.
We loved the outdoors, exploring and imagining.
We grew older and lost touch with that old tender love.
Then we found each other.
At that moment we found we loved each other.
We loved each other in the wild.
We loved seeing each other's hearts catch fire with passion.
We loved to explore things we didn't know we loved.
We loved each other.
Now we've grown to a new love.
A love the bible calls "unconventional"
A love that poets call "unwavering"
A love I once asked God to bring me too,
And a love you were searching for when you found me.
We take a step towards this love,
fully and head on.
Because our love will be better.
Our love will carry on, and never end;
We will pass it on to strangers and to our family.
We have a special love that only some can find.
A love I call, you call and we all call wild and free.

Wild. Our love is wild at heart.
Your passion inspires my happiness,
and my happiness seeks to find you.
Your adventurous spirit guides my wild soul into an oblivion we call our own.
You found me while I was unprepared and unready;
soon to find that you would prepare me to be ready for sparking moments.
I fell into you needing to be caught;
soon to find you swept me off my feet.
Our love is completely indescribable to some,
but to others, like the ones here today, they know.
They can see the love that shines from my eyes and comes from your heart.
They can sense an area of untouched happiness that both of us explore more with each other.
We will hold and we will cherish;
but we will also live fully letting the other grow and become better.
You light the fire under my wild soul, so I can fan the flame of your adventurous spirit,
and we fall into the grasp of each others waiting and ready-for-anything- arms.

Oh no,
how I shamefully fell.
Just this weekend,
I have become more than, "friend"
this weekend, I fell
I came out of my shell,
I started to like you,
it grew and grew.
I didn't say anything to you,
not sure if...
well, I'm just not sure of you.
my trust has been weakened,
from the men before burdened.
Baby it wasn't you,
baby it was me,
I faulted right at the knee.

Last night I went to a concert,
and just to be crazy, I wore a short skirt.
I also drank a lot, because i know you hate it,
last night I danced past my limit,
I washed the thought of you away
as I swayed, swayed, swayed.
So I let the music take over,
become the beating of my heart,
leaving all regrets behind.
Tonight I went out to dance again,
and I danced until not thought of you remained.
then I came home, yes I was alone,
but it felt good having the bed to my own.
not having to worry to please you all night,
I could just lay down and not have to fight,
how tired I really was,
now I am dreaming, something i haven't done,
in a long long long time.

you were always so good,
at writing books,
so good that you would
write stories that shook
me right to tears.
You knew how too,
use just the right words
twist, distort, and skew
my thoughts in to overgrown woods
you could write another book,
how to offend a girl,
in 5 syllables or less.

She asked me, Who are you?
I responded, What do you mean?
My headed and thoughts thickened and clouded over;
Who am I?
Have I lost touch of all the wonderful blocks that build me
    to me?
Have I lost the emotions and roots that created me
    to be me?
I know I have found her before,
once or  twice when alone and happy and free,
but now I've morphed into, just me.
Then I think, all these things I think are me,
are they me?
Or are they what others see in me?
Have I morphed into a "What you see me"?
People say I am warm and bright,
but all I can ask is who are you?
Are you changing? Are you sliding by?
Who do you want to be vs. who were you?
I'm Claire.
I'm unfiltered,
I'm easy going,
I'm nervous but adventurous,
I'm authentic and open with everyone,
When I love you, I LOVE you
    and when I hate you, I just don't care about you anymore.
I'm so open I hurt deeply,
I'm selfish
   but I think everyone should be in some ways.
I always see another side,
I'm dramatic but I shy from frienship and relationship drama
I don't belong to one mold, I'm always changing and shifting
I'm an imaginer and not much of a do-er,
I'm a listener,
God respecter.
I find it funny, my whole life my parents said,
"You're unique", but never said why or how to use this "uniqueness".
I just grew up thinking, "I'm unique" but I still don't know why.
I'm pretty much like everyone else I think,
I feel, I love, I see, I react.
I change so much in a day its hard to focus on who I'm being in one moment.
I don't know who I am,
I really don't even know who I want to be,
I just want to be better than I am now.

Messy sleeping in beds much to big.
Go to bed with a clear head,
and a happy heart.
Weak up and live life smart.
Wasting days, wasting minutes,
let each second breathe life into your achey bones.
The thunder claps inside,
While my body is silent.
Am I the only sane body, with a wild mind, and a gracious heart?
If missing you feels like drawing,
then tonight I'm flying.

When the panic attacks lift,
when my feet are propped up,
when my yoga is namaste
when i crawl into bed.
Can these be the highlights?
    not only of today, but also of tomorrow?
When you've moved alone,
   and when your Jesus is low,
there isn't much left.
Loneliness is the loneliest
for such a lovely word to say,
it has such depth and meaning I never had known.
That is, before I discovered loneliness myself;
here, in the fortress, darling.
When lonely sets in, it starts with:
skin.
A simple shake off, shower or run will subdue it.
But then it creeps into:
muscle.
Then family, friends, and laughter will conquer it.
Soon, alas, it is settling deep in the:
bones.
Then family, *** and joy, are last resorts, and they will dominate it.
Don't, my dear, let it lodge home in your:
lungs.
Then and only then will all of the above be able to
pull, drag and lift you out of the loneliness.

Internally seeking.
Outwardly reaching.
No lifeboats in sight.
Both ways have no view.
Slowly retreating to myself,
Feeling confined with no help.
Stop time, and tell,
no bad endings, end well.
Lose you to yourself,
or lose you to hell.
My breath is quickening.

You're my favorite favorite thing,
treated like a lady.
You're my best friend.
Past the stars, I'm back in your arms,
hold tight, I didn't think you'd jump.
Jump with me, deeper in this
This thing, surpasses bf and gf
it goes beyond forever,
it lights me up and spins me round,
it swings high and low.
You and me we make round about days --> full.
Fill me, pour me, in your morning coffee,
I'll be your daybreak sunbeam,
bring me along, follow me there,
as long as its your hand in mine,
its captivating.

How come my words never seem vast enough,
to simply tell how my life can uff and puff,
things in life, they are so simple,
and yet I still seem to just pedel,
on by and never look back. But then when I do,
I always regret this feeling of horrible left over dew.

when the love we share
is the love of a prayer
there is not much else we can say
but,
Boston stay strong.
Hate stay week.
Love grow tall.
and People keep protecting.

Everyday I come home with weary feet,
and I always think,
It must be that fateful brick,
I carry it with me,
day and night. This brick however,
is apart from others.
It has been pounded and formed
to my jobs, my faliures,
my small stresses that form to a giant knot.
feet dont fail me now,
I believe we still have a long ways together.
The days go by slow, and the time builds up.
The dark circles in my eyes, eco my life.
Streatching out the knots, holding the positions
does nothing. But help.
Thank God for stress, or else we would never have
the feeling
of relief.

You ask me to wait
So I can finally see.
I knew you were always in my fate.
I cant believe I would ever flea,
From you or my feelings,
Which I see now are true.
The others come and go like dealings.
Each day I used to start with a new
Face.
But now all I think is your embrace,
I never have felt your warmth
But some day I dream I will.
Through sickness and in health.

Everytim I think of touching your skin,
My body lets out a little peep.
Its nothing more than a sound of wanting
a touch not finding.
Your very skin keeps me lying awake at night...
just thinking.
But whats different is I'm not tossing and turning from stress,
I'm cool and good with our crazy future.
Who knows what will happen and when
I want to explore the unpredicted wild of life with you
and the touch of your skin.

Women are forever tyrants
who are lovers
and wanting to be professionals.
Women are animals
In the Wall Street Jungle,
In the bed
In their minds.
So many things leak out,
my mouth, and lungs leak fear and breath.
Usually I am so controlled
that when all control ceases,
fear drips in, anxiety flames and tears flood.
Where, oh where, did this come from?
The answer I keep stumbling upon,
is simply... self hate, and no confidence.
Someone who seems on the surface:
    Strong, independent, loving
is really an active volcano of doubt beneath.
And how to feel to express that,
but with no remorse, and cursing feed back.
My mind is complete,
     completely untrained.
Running and painting wildly through this life.
With in my is emptiness,
    but deeply I know,
with out me is empty space.
within is mayhem and confusion.
Stored into boxes of odd shapes and sizes,
swirls of color and thoughts swarm here and there
Love for all who are whole and broken fills enduringly.
However my praise and hope is centered and always full.
Messy, lovely, and fearfully I go forth and live.
I don't nor won't fall for all the blame,
I won't rely on the applause.
Then!
Realization strikes recklessly
that even though control is scary,
Really I needed something,
    something grounded and ready to take on the life.