Claire Ellen: Poems

1-10

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

1-10

I used to be a violin-loving liberal.
Now I'm a MMA independent.
Some day I will be a mother of four.
But for now, I'm happy and wild.

1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more

i'm running and i'm sick.
i'm rebuilding this house brick by brick.
i'm hopeful, and i'm wrong.
all this building is making me strong.
i hope someday we find our way,
but right now i just want to go away.
i want to forget,
i want to remember.
how sick am i, of you, pretender,
i am not yours,
but you want me for yourself.
i dont want this limbo.
i will watch you leave through the window.
come back when your ready,
we can gaze stars in some cemetery.
but right now i need solid,
constant, real, no "maybes".
just "yes"s and "no"s.
i'm sorry, but i'm starting to slow,
this thing you call your own.
1 is the loneliest number,
2 is a pair,
"we" is a word people use,
but you have to choose:
1 to be alone,
2 to be happy,
but only if you want me,
no insecurity.

2017

Claire Ellen Mar 2017

2017

A year of "to-do" lists,
writing themselves out in my mind.
"I'm not crazy," I repeat to myself,
"Just prepared."
But I wasn't prepared to break up,
I want prepared to go on a life changing mission.
Not ready to meet the love of my life.
My to-do list didn't say, "Don't get accepted to school"
To-do list help day to day life,
They don't improve 20/20 future vision.

21.

Claire Ellen Jun 2016

21.

Night out on the town,
turns into night out of my clothes,
and into a strange foreign place in my mind.
Its damp, dark and lonely here;
****, warm and snuggly too.
But, here, most importantly, its empty
and ready to be used
by whoever "you" might be.

30 Hours.

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

30 Hours.

30 hours ago I saw you.
30 hours ago all you could say was negative
30 hours ago I cared more, I believed more
but more than what you think can change in 30 hours.
You had your chance, your chance to try...
Not even commit, but try.
All you've shown me is your lack of commitment
and your lack of strength.
I guess this is goodbye.
I guess you chose money and yourself and comfort over me.
I guess I choose a full life and God over you.
I know you won't tell your family, why.
You won't say, because she loves God and I don't.
I don't want to lose Jerrik and Reid
   Or Lisa. Or Paisley. Or Rhalna. Or Branson.
But this is the path God chooses for me I'll follow.
Riley, I'm sorry.
  I'm sorry I wasted your time.
  I'm sorry I tried to change you.
  I'm sorry. I won't happen again.

3182

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

3182

Who are you?
Boy of my dreams could it be?
We weave moments that make an invisible future.
The hands on the clock freeze
when I'm with you
you describe the great that I need.
So perfectly,
Together. And then another girl you see
Forever and Always fades away
Days we had, now a mangled cobweb of dreams.
Ever since that day,
you lead me right to dismay
thought we were a team,
You take my heart to the limit
why do I stay?

500☆☆'s

Claire Ellen Nov 2013

500☆☆'s

I'm diving for pearls,
and I keep hitting a cement floor.
I'm looking for wild life,
and I find I left the lense cap on.
I'm spring cleaning.
And thrift shopping after.
All this dreaming is starting to
become reality, and flash flash flash,
before my eyes.
The cameras collecting dust on the shelf.
Stare at me through their lens capped eyes.
They peer and ask, "Our turn?"
These pictures on the wall were to inspire to decorate.
Its always in focus, but life,
is so cast we need an
unfocused, wide lens, with zoom.
These old film charts are negatives,
showing all the positives of my old,
seen, unexplored world.
Come to me vinons of insight,
enlighten me master of seeking.
These simple views of life,
always complicate things till you settle in.

All Ages Welcome.

Claire Ellen Mar 2014

All Ages Welcome.

What if hell is really empty
all of the devils are here.
When the first one died,
I didnt understand.
When the second one died,
I drew a heart, surrounded in black,
I drew my heart surrounded by confusion.
Harrison Brown.
When the third one died,
I was completely silent for a week,
No sensation entered my nerves.
Grandma Gower.
When the fourth one died,
I missed the funeral,
I made a shirt in memory
and felt cheap as ever.
Tanner Arnett.
When the fifth one passed,
I was broken and couldnt understand
I wrote and carved and drew...
but it amounted to nothing.
Antonio Franco.
Ah, I lost count by now,
But when she passed
I questioned all I had,
I questioned all I knew.
Grandma Kull.

All Boiled Down.

Claire Ellen Mar 2014

All Boiled Down.

On three peices of paper,
I wrote with a heavy heart
three things I would rather not loose.
One. You.
Two. My heart.
Three. My Desire.
Count, one.
You. If I lost you weather it be
You left,
You died,
You disappeared on me.
My heart would be lost too.
My heart goes with you.
My heart would forever leave from my body,
My poor wretched heart would never heal.
Oh dear,
My desire!
My desire would follow my heart,
drop out of this world.
My desire would burn out like a winter fire.
My desire would forever fade until it was finally gone.

Alveoli.

Claire Ellen Sep 2013

Alveoli.

Stop. your taking my breath away.
Things about you memorize me,
and I'm stuck thinking about you all day,
I still hope, your the one, holding the key
Unlock my heart, and open up yours.
All these nights away from you,
Could be opening new discoverable doors,
But with you, I feel like I can do,
anything.
Feeling light and free,
You may never realize,
You helped me.

Another Stog?

Claire Ellen May 2013

Another Stog?

I'm in my room
and all alone.
I'm wearing your old flannel
the one with character.
Its pouring rain.
The most depressing thing,
of those facts above,
is not one of them says,
I'm dancing in the rain.

Aphrodite.

Claire Ellen May 2014

Aphrodite.

Make me your Pygmalion Statue,
while this love is running warm in my veins.
While the blood is warm,
make me so I will never change.
I love you so,
I want to please.
Make me your statue for
fear of loosing you is a strange thing.

Apt to Fit.

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

Apt to Fit.

I'm trying to fit in my bed,
when did i become so giant?
I'm trying to fit in my skin,
when did it become so small?
I'm trying to fit in my life,
when did it become so vast?
I'm trying to fit with you,
since when do you like her?
I'm trying to fit in places not for me.
Its time to dance right out of here,
Its time for me to leave.

Around the Corner.

Claire Ellen Mar 2014

Around the Corner.

You pressed up against the glass,
staring at me from across the room.
and to think you are now seeing me naked.
you hit me like a wave,
and knocked me onto your bed,
knowing your next move already,
and predicting mine, but never being right.
I and You always have the element of surprise.
Foggy hot breath on your shoulder,
and strong big hands on my back.
This is a part of love I never knew of,
till you laid me down in the grass field of
vast discovering.
The power of one is many,
and the power of two is flaming.
lay me down in sheets of black
and never take me back.
Getting lost in this love
that people thought you could never achieve.
Do it with me,
discover my body and I will discover your mind.
Uncover my love, and I will uncover your secrets.
Too close for comfort?
Or way to comfortable to leave?
late summer nights and late winter days,
snow, rain, and fights,
we always make it right.
Rings, jackets, and car drives,
we can make it anywhere.
Your body on my body or contrary,
we always make it to the top.
Better lovers than A and Z.
I cant stop with the loving you,
drinking or feeding
taking or giving both are in mind
when my addictive habits towards you
take control and I no long realize
that I am slowly consuming every part of you,
and you of me.
Not in a "controlling" or "red flag" way,
but more of a "we were meant to be,
so why be apart"? kind of way.
No using or forgetting birthdays,
this is as real as it gets.
and no one is getting in my way of you.
and no one is is my line of view
future is coming fast too,
so what do you want to do?
California with hot beach and love?
Colorado with high mountains and secret cabins?
or On the road with motels and night in the stars?
This poem is about your skin and my skin touching,
and everything it makes me feel and think.
I am giving you my all,
and I can tell you are giving too.
Be happy with what you have,
Savor me in the day,
and make me in the night,
Hold me tight till the sunset,
and feel the want at sunrise.
We have this element,
lets put it to use,
and never come out of our bunny rabbit hole.

I have been cursed with my blindness.

A shadow in the flames

Claire Ellen Jan 2013

A shadow in the flames

A shadow in the flames
your all i see,
creep up
right behind me.
Shun the fear
go for the gold
my wings are flying
taking me upwards
i can see
all around me
is you.

Aspersion.

Claire Ellen Jun 2013

Aspersion.

These painted butterfly wings,
won't get me very far,
and all of the trinkets and things
bring back memories of scars.
These middle school paper plains,
won't life me very high,
and all of these photos bring shame.
What weighs me down are the lies.
Inner beauty, and we still judge the cover,
read the Bible and follow rules,
**** all the boys and still looking for "One Lover"
love is cheap but I'm in for the jewles.
Like to much meat for one man to eat,
we bite off more than we can chew,
we always find some way to cheat.
Don't think I'm accusing you,
I'm just as deep in these worldly lies.
The only difference is I look past the smog,
I fly and go so high,
I'm out of the sickly fog.

Babysitting.

Claire Ellen Nov 2014

Babysitting.

These October days,
Filled with leaves and silence,
I need to learn how to write,
In happiness.
Poetry gets my feelings on the page,
Something I lost when I started with you.
My feelings all go on to
Riley.
I am sorry but for most of my life,
I haven’t been as happy as I am with you.
So my poetry has all been blue.
Life has ups and downs,
It just so happens everyone has left me down trodden.
My love, I am not mad my poetry has gotten less and less,
Its that I feel bad all my anger appears on my skin.
My love for you has grown and grown,
And all I do to show that is moan and groan.
My heart can take so much pain,
And with you its all whipped away.
My love, what I am trying to say,
Is that you and me
IS my poetry.
I write it on my heart and on yours,
But now I am going to try to write happy poetry
So I can show,
That with you my heart always glows.

Bad Day #1.

Claire Ellen Dec 2013

Bad Day #1.

Dont make me change to much baby,
or else I wont be me.
I'll be like some model,
looking from a billboard
with a face that says,
"Am I pretty yet?"
Baby, yes you are,
you are wonderful and handsome to me.
You make me happy, you make me sad.
You fix me when I fall, and you never drop me.
You are already right for me,
you don't have to change.
Well, maybe a couple things,
here and there.
And I change too,
just for you.
Because I fit perfectly with your body,
I want to fit perfectly to your style too.
But like I said,
Dont change me too much,
Or else I'll be someone new.
Someone who you didn't know
to begin with.
Dont change me to much,
or else, I'll fit so perfectly with you,
you wont feel me anymore.

Ballrooms and Wine.

Claire Ellen Mar 2013

Ballrooms and Wine.

Here I was,
waiting, wishing, hoping,
for the songs to start,
for you to sweep me,
right off my feet.
But the music,
it has been playing,
all night.
Here we were,
waiting, wishing, hoping,
for each other.

Bath Time Is Always a Surprise.

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

Bath Time Is Always a Surprise.

Sometimes i wonder how it would feel,
just to be a bubble.
A bubble in your bath,
a bubble blown from a stick,
a bubble of gum,
an bubble of little kids under water.
So easy and careless,
not knowing when they will cease,
it could happen to them it could happen to me.
I realize I am a bubble.
sometimes I am a smelly bubble,
sometimes I bring a smile.
sometimes I'm a bubble in a tub,
sometimes I'm the hiccup at the local pub.
And I just think how lucky bubbles are,
they don't ever grow tired.
But my eyelids are heavy,
maybe thats just from the make up i wear.
But my brain is tired,
maybe thats just the thoughts racing around.
Time to rest, time to go,
although,
I never will know, how a bubble feels.

Bed Sheets.

Claire Ellen Apr 2013

Bed Sheets.

I wake up,
in a sweat,
in a rush,
bile at my throat,
and you on my mind.
dreams or nightmares
who knows, who cares?
when you enter my dream,
whether it be our first kiss,
under the sheets,
over the sheets,
in my pants,
in your pants
tossing and turning,
WAKE ME UP!
i dont want to remember,
nights where we tried dominos
but you kept knocking them over.
nights where we watched a scary movie,
got frozen ice cream,
and made love to each other,
in ways that seemed they would last forever.
but, i should have noticed.
you never said forever,
you said this line,
i will always question,
"No spark from the beginning."
if there wasnt for you,
then what made you think
you could own me,
and try to show me,
what love...
doesnt mean.
love is give and take,
love is rain on a date.
but we wont get into what love means,
since you never said
it to me anyways.

Blue-Light

Claire Ellen Jan 2017

Blue-Light

My eyes drop with the sleepiness the day has left me with.
My mind is as wake as the full bright moon.
Running and turning and reviewing empty thoughts.
I'm not stressed, nor confused, nor anxious,
I'm just simply awake.
Please, little eyes, close.
Busy brain, please, rest.
Beating heart, slow, please.
All I want is to just let go.

Body

Claire Ellen Mar 2017

Body

All that has come from my body,
all that this body has made,
is waste.
It makes look and tissue that sluf off.
It makes **** thats pushed out,
and it makes *** thats squeezed out.
On the occasional night of to much drinking,
maybe ***** that is forced from the stomach.
This body has had no accomplishments,
no miracles.
This body was created to create,
but has not yet found its purpose.

Bows and Butterflies.

Claire Ellen Jan 2014

Bows and Butterflies.

where does the snow go in the summer?
does it melt into the grass and stay till next winter?
does it evaporate and go into our minds till next winter?
does it stay chilled deep in our bones till next winter?
where do the birds go in the spring?
do they fly away for another day?
do the go to let other people see their beauty?
do the leave for our imaginations to wander and wander?
where do the old leaves go in the summer?
do they disintegrate into the sidewalk for us to have a lighter step?
do they disguise themselves so we wont see till next year?
do they forget about us, like we do about them?

Breaker-Breaker

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

Breaker-Breaker

The imprints on this page
from the memories before
The finger prints left
of the lives before,
everything is done for something.
I'm trapped in my own world,
but its so comfortable,
my brain doesn't tell
the feet they will be walking tomorrow.
Tomorrow may bring more drama,
Tomorrow will bring more death,
Ugh, more drama from death,
and still no one to show, true sadness,
The age for dying
at least in this FoCo town,
is younger and younger.
The heart beats of humanity
its all nonsense, its only nonsense
getting in these horrible routines-
these horrible stereotypes-
this routine of instant love-
becomes, instant forget-
this stereotype of Christian-
becomes "Go to church".
I will drive and wait for a storm
to come and take us all away-
until I realize,
once you find your true friends
nothing seems so scary.
I am crying with my pillow,
I am laughing with my tears,
I am singing with my hands,
I am praying to my Lord-
all the sound my heart can make-
except the-
lub
dub
lub
dub
heart lungs brain, smiles.
Smile... all I ever wanted-
was to be your smile
But I'll leave and be someone elses-
I am not the hound that hunts,
but the one who fills the cry.
Is it depressing?- or Inspirational-
the people live like they could die-
tomorrow.
tomorrow is Thursday,
another day to be "christian"-
in this world everyone is
"christian".
Christianity is all eagles and wings and lions,
but really, I just am lyin'-
to my family, to my friends-
but wouldn't it be worse for I to lie-
to me, than anyone else?
finally all my thoughts-
down and out.

Brian.

Claire Ellen Oct 2016

Brian.

My world was crumbling
until I stood and stood against the pain.
At first just peering through the curtain of my next chapter
I was scared and I didn't know... but I also did.
I found my way and step at a time, I came to you.
You lead me through
saved me from so many lonely nights.
You chose me and thats the biggest gain.
Country Boy falls for Hippie
the title to our love is perfect.
I once thought I could be happy again
but I never imagined "love".
I once dreamed of a knight in armor,
but I never imagined southern drawl.
I once thought "he" would protect me,
but I never imagined a Military Man.
I'm damaged but repaired.
Your damaged and trying.
I was hurt but you helped mend.
You were hurt; let me mend.
Us women are not all what you think.
One step at a time we'll work towards the future we want.

Brian.

Claire Ellen Jan 2017

Brian.

You, I've dreamed of you
but your more than man of my dreams,
your truth.
I've thought of you before,
because I've thought of who my husband might be.
You make me forget:
   The pain of my life,
   The pain I've caused.
    The past I'm leaving behind.
Completely free to be with you
   AND find myself??
That's how I've always wanted to imagine,
you.

But the Style.

Claire Ellen Mar 2015

But the Style.

The clothes in my closet
remind me to be anyone I want to be-
The hiking shoes on the shelf
remind me to explore the wild outdoors-
The pictures hung up on the wall
remind me to create and be inspired-
The bed and blankets and pillows
remind me to rest my mind-
The books stacked on journals stack on books
remind me to expand my horizons-
Its just me and my thoughts,
me and my pains,
Me and my droughts
me and my gains.
With the Lord pulling me,
and the Devil chasing me,
I have control of my abandon.
My legs can take me farther.
Water. Coffee. Water. Sleep. Repeat.
Life of simplicity, Lurking behind my heels.
I cant help but fall in love with the way mystery feels.
Hold me tight, but wild me free,
keep me close, but love me harder,
attend to my tears, but add positive.
My stuff has value, but I cannot take.
I hope someday these poems make light,
and find someone to take flight.
In the solitary of my own bed,
I lie and think
how different things will be,
When you infest here too.
My love for you
it grows stronger and stronger,
and my fears grow greater and greater.
My own thoughts kick in,
lets see how you will be,
if the shoes are switched.

Camp.

Claire Ellen Aug 2013

Camp.

But these egale feathers
that grow under our skin,
someday with show,
and lift us far from
the life we live and
bring us to the life we choose.
Dress nice,
Dance *****.
My baby please dont leave me.
I've lost you once, I cant go again.
Abraham and Issac
one control, one for fear.
Funny, with us it always,
goes goes goes to the bible.
Take the fear,
that holds us back,
put it in a cages,
and throw it to the stars.
Make your wish
as it flies by
the planets moon.
I hold on to you
Neptune, big and blue.

Casa de la Esperanza.

Claire Ellen Jun 2016

Casa de la Esperanza.

One Sunday I was praying that I wasn't pregnant;
The next I was saying goodbye to orphan kids,
   praying to help me change.
Now, to guilty to pick up a Bible,
To guilty to pray a prayer,
I am asking that I am not pregnant again.
This world will toss and turn you,
it will hurt and bruise you.
I have learned the only refuge is God,
The only forgiveness that is pure is Jesus' blood,
and the only way to talk to them sometimes is through the holy spirit groans.
I loved who I was, I love who I have become.
But the guilt inside from the past few months...
its eating me alive.
I don't want to be worried about pregnancy from randoms;
Nor do I want to waste my time thinking of guys anymore;
I'm done with the outfit of a really fun girl,
its time to grow up,
its time to move on.
I know what I want in life, I just need to strive.
I know who I want in life, I just need to stop messing around.
When you travel to a place that changes your life,
it first changes your skin:
   You get tan and work hard, you learn what it is to want for food, and long for God.
It then changes your muscles:
     You grow a little tougher when the boy was taken from your arms and given back to his abusive father.
It sinks into your bones:
   You start to realize the life you are living is worth nothing if you don't start to change something.
Then it creeps, slowly to your heart:
    You feel guilty and half of you wants to change, but your brain is still stuck on the "fun" you are having.
Life is simple, love and be loved,
but honey, when you live the life I live,
Love takes on a new meaning, its tougher than what you'd think.
Its more complicated than the four letters that make it up.
But, its still here, waiting for me to open my ribs, and absorb it all.

Chains.

Claire Ellen Jun 2016

Chains.

I'm running wild! and it feels so good.
Freedom at las, from my once controlling past.
My religion is growing, my smiles are too,
I've forgotten about one and moved on to two...
I know he thinks of me often,
but there is another more frontal on his mind.
Its okay, I'll be here running wild.
My whole body feels lighter
my hair bounces naturally with each step
Step by step i'm walking out on you,
Part of me feels sorry, but part of me feels...
Ungrown.
My legs have been like strong roots
     holding me down through the weather by you.
My arms have been accepting
     no matter the weather there was a place for you.
My body a masterpiece
     continuously speculated, grabbed, and used by you.
What a wonderful relationship you must have had!
My perspective was so different.
The fun times usually caused stress because I had said something wrong,
       or wore something to short.
Not this time. Not next time. Not ever again!
This jewel will not be chained down any longer.
I am happier and less stressed with you gone.
That may be harsh, but darling its true.
So with out further ado,
Good bye.

Change.

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

Change.

I feel so distant from who I was.
Distant from my first love, first kiss, first time
I was so gullible and weak then.
Now I'm embarrassing women hood
I'm accepting life as it comes
Facing fears in an all conquering type of way.
I've become gentler, and more competitive.
Thanks to one man and 1 billion new experiences.

Chapter 2.

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

Chapter 2.

When the walls move closer with every breath,
when the stress makes your hear ache and pop
when everything is not working or fitting
find a hand to hold.
Hold on and enjoy the struggle upon you.
A new chapter in this year
I will not start off on a bad cold foot.
Conquering is something I've never done before
and it's time for a change.
No defeats only advances.
My future, my plans, my hands.
Snow keep blowing,
Nights keep falling,
But daybreaks don't stop showing.
Every morning, a chance to advance more.
The advantage of happiness, finally obtained,
and my dear I'm not letting go.

Charcol of Grey.

Claire Ellen Apr 2015

Charcol of Grey.

Roller coasters and rovers, what my mind has been through,
ways and thinking of getting back in the groove,
Unbroken, and Fifty-leading me by,
work and school meddling my mind.
Soon I'll be a millionaire.
Soon I'll be without a care.
Moved out and far away, the world drifting aside,
I cant wait! to get out and not hide!
Roller coasters and rovers all my mind
focused and braced for what I might find.
A lover by my side, in my bed.
Tangeled in sheets, tangled in my heart,
feeding something that once seemed dead.
Now rising and taking possesion of my heart.
Fear is the mind killer, so run!
Run and clothed with strength and dignity,
A thousand suns will rise and set,
but until then, I will not fret.
I laugh without fear of the future,
I cry without the fear of loss,
and I have peace with out war on my mind,
Spilling filling, renewing refreshing,
Each line, filled with peace.

Cheyenne.

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

Cheyenne.

After I hung my lights,
moved in my stuff.
Hung the curtains
got the wifi
paid the bills....
I realized, when a self conscious,
unknowingly young,
bored with no hobbies
no connections girl
moves into a unknown place,
she must make the best of it.
Once you let a tiny
little, run down,
oil field, train stop
country town
get you down,
theres no coming back.
If this town doesn't teach me anything
I truly can't learn.

Chliche.

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

Chliche.

I lick my lips,
They taste so sweet,
From my Starbucks drink.
I look outside,
The trees seem to hide,
Behind the thick gray rain.
It seems to wash away my pain.
How cliche,
Am I to think
About the heavy rain
Clink, clink,
The gutters are full,
Everything is just so dull.
This Tuesday afternoon,
Is dragging its feet,
Through this, already long week.

Claire Bare.

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

Claire Bare.

As I lay open, wanting and flushed
my skin crawls with hot heavy feelings
I am open and wet and ready
My mind is open and imaginative
I am wanting to fulfill this drive inside
My body curling at every wanted touch
I am flushed writing rawly
My body and cheeks flush at deep thoughts
Feeling this way feels good
and I know it can feel better...
but I decide to leave that life long ago
Every now and again though, it calls me
and I fall to my own deep dark desires.
Wet and sensitive I feel the known path through the dark.

Closer to Two.

Claire Ellen May 2015

Closer to Two.

As I sip down this wine
to calm my nerves insides,
its amazing you can't smell whats in front of you.
I want a double life,
one on the side, and one to hide.
People come and people go.
But you,
You I hold onto.
I held on in high school.
I held on 5 hours away.
I've held on during the "your stupid"s
and the "its over"s.
I've held onto you.
And you've held on too.
To my puppet strings connected to my hear.
You say its all in the mind.
Well I am about to show you,
What I've held onto up here.

Coffee.

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

Coffee.

Is this really all I have-
to look forward too-
my Starbucks coffee-
my cold hard run every morning?
to wake me up,
and let me know,
I'm still alive.
how sad I must be!
But it is me
who keeps finding the trap door,
and opening the door,
and stepping back
and getting a running start.
it isn't anyone but I
in this dark room
falling deeper and deeper in this gloom
time to climb out,
one level at a time,
until I again am mine.

Coffee at Midnight

Claire Ellen Apr 2013

Coffee at Midnight

I hate emotion,
It drives me wild.
Like getting an abortion,
you broke me like a small child.
I love the down trodden,
the make the help worth it.

Covenant.

Claire Ellen May 2015

Covenant.

Rainy days, don't go away,
Stay here and give me comfort.
I long to go, to places unknown.
I want to live and be free,
But I also want babes.
My heart would shatter to leave him,
but I am unhappy with him.
"The Lord will prevail"
I keep repeating in my head,
"But only one of us believes"
says my body.
Two lovers tangled. In more than just sheets.
Our love grows deeper each week.
Making it harder to leave.
Two lovers tangled in change.
Your love for me is pure
but mine is shattered and murky.
The thing I want most right in front of me
but I am not reaching.
"Maybe it will pass" I think,
"Maybe it will last" I speak.

"Maybe it will pass" I think,
"Maybe it will last" I speak.

Covered.

Claire Ellen Dec 2013

Covered.

Oh, I'm so sorry,
I like giving gifts to you.
I'm so sorry,
that sometimes I drive to fast.
I'm so sorry,
that sometimes your jokes are to harsh.
I'm so sorry,
that I make you mad
by going to concerts.
I'm so sorry
that you don't like my over carring-ness.
I'm so sorry
I love you with all my heart.
I'm so sorry,
I dont wear make-up
I'm so sorry
I am different than you,
I wasn't raised like you,
I wasn't taught like you,
I'm not quick like you,
But if I was you,
I would love me,
Just how I was.
And I would,
Keep my dreams big,
and my worries small.
And sometimes I would even make
important things seem important, and fun.
I wouldn't ruin my good days,
and I would hold you when you cried,
instead of telling you to stop.

Crayola.

Claire Ellen Jan 2017

Crayola.

The LORD made many things
they all make me stand in awe.
His creation created a mystery,
of who my future would be.
He gave me strength to make it through the struggles.
He gave you guidance to find me.
The LORD created the seasons, to give time for love.
Only GOD can paint the aspens yellow,
and only HE can think up the color in your eyes.

Creaks on a Sunday Morning.

Claire Ellen May 2015

Creaks on a Sunday Morning.

Steady as it goes, let it out
one bit at a time,
The life I lived,
the love I lost.
All come in time.
Never have I been steady
always running and dodging life.
Running,
Running,
Running, through life I go.
Never look behind,
I can not be contained!!
My legs! my wings!
Oh how they wish to go!

Cre-Ate.

Claire Ellen Mar 2016

Cre-Ate.

To cause something new to exist using imagination and talent
Created in the womb, I can to create.
Here in my world I'm hanging pictures,
I'm settling in.
Much like windy roller coasters:
   Theres ups and downs.
The ups give us a view of joy.
The downs prepare us for futures.
I want to make my future a dream-
A dream of truth and bliss
when was the last time you really felt?
Reality taunts us saying,
"theres only so much to create, for whats beyond
living the depths of the ocean?"
Test your mind to stretch and bend
        to go beyond creating
               and into completeness.

Cross-Trek

Claire Ellen May 2015

Cross-Trek

New cars to break in,
legs twisted in back seats,
teach me your ways...
Mr. Weak-at-my-knees.
i love you forever,
as long as I can, my lips
will always accept your kiss.
You and me the love we keep,
The love we make when...
Well, whenever we want.
I will love you near and far
I will gladly go up and down,
turn around and touch the ground,
if only to make you laugh.
I can't wait to feel you on me,
once again re-united.
Star-struck, in love,
deep down, rings and vows.

Cruel.

Claire Ellen Feb 2013

Cruel.

someone once broke my heart,
and it wasnt anyones fault but him,
one time i gave my heart to a boy
and he played with it like a toy.
i am not trying to complain
but really i'm in a lot of pain.
i gave you my heart knowing
that you might not be showing
me and my heart the right way
so really i shouldnt have gave
you the key.
i'm saying that it wasn't just you it was me.
maybe our relationship was as crazy as it seemed,
i convinced myself of so many things,
when really it was only good for a week,
and really it wasn't that strong; more meek.
we were both loud outrageous people,
and that living room couldnt hold both our attidudes.
you stole the laughter out of my eyes,
you stole the music from my ears.
really this wasn't our relationship,
it was yours, you owned it.

C.S.K.

Claire Ellen May 2015

C.S.K.

New jackets, new beginnings,
New beginnings, old endings,
old endings, old souls,
growing, learning, and fighting each day.
A new night brings a new morning.
I can't wait till they start with you.
Lover in the shadows, do I trust your vows?
How can I know you'll be true?
And what about me? What am I to do?
If I don't believe I can be true too,
When secrets become cryptic
start reading between the lines,
For there and only there lie the truths.
Secrets for you, secrets for me,
Why do you think its called a diary?

C.S.K. II

Claire Ellen May 2015

C.S.K. II

Cant you see in my eyes?
can't you hear in my voice?
I am trapped!
I fear love, and am charmed by admiration.
No, I won't give up...
but I won't fall for the same trick twice.
I seem sweet, but deep inside
I thirst and hunger for more eternal.
Your everything I need to keep me crazy,
and every thing you need to keep you sane.
Attracted to people in help, I always succeed,
in letting them over power me.
Steps must be taken,
one at a time.
Because soon, you'll be the biggest decision of my life.
You don't understand, I am so caught up
baby names are already accounted for.
My heart is beating out of my chest
with each pump of blood and each breath I breathe,
you are there in front of me.
Rebellion has often been, my go to alarmed.
I am still young, and you know what I want?
To do what I want.
Some one smart once said,
if you stop doing things for fun, you may as well be dead.

C.S.K. III

Claire Ellen May 2015

C.S.K. III

A hug, but not a kiss,
it has to mean more than this.
A lingering touch,
first 1 arm, then 2.
Then 3 then 4. Wrapped together
the closest we will be,
until for now, forever.