Single... a breath after 3 years.
My whole being says, "Come on old ****, lets have fun!"
but my control says, "No! lets rest..."
No one to impress, no one to text.
No one to worry over, no one to pick a fight with.
No one to watch my every move,
No one control.
I'm single and my wings are streatching.
It hurts and I'm scared to fly again.
Surely its like riding a bike?
I remember the feeling of having pure fun
No joy to hide.
Just me, myself and I.
even in the dark of night
I have an inner fire that rages.
Even at the break of day
I have a subtle but lifting smile.
My spirit is high and ready for take off.
My body is urging every cell forward.
And my mind, steady yet lit.
Yearning to learn, laugh, and adventure.
My new single life begins, here.

You ask me to wait
So I can finally see.
I knew you were always in my fate.
I cant believe I would ever flea,
From you or my feelings,
Which I see now are true.
The others come and go like dealings.
Each day I used to start with a new
Face.
But now all I think is your embrace,
I never have felt your warmth
But some day I dream I will.
Through sickness and in health.

When every ****** starts to hurt
When I realize my love hurts,
When my eyes open through sweat.
I am blind with you.
I simply don't. want. too.
What is holding me back from leaving tonight?
Your words of pressure?
The tiredness I feel listening to you?
My mind saying, repeating, screaming,
           "IT'S OVER."
But my heart saying, beating, and laughing,
           "LOVE AGAIN."
Is asking: Whats best for me?, selfish?
Why? Why do I simply not want to try...
This is the question I wrangle in my mind.
I stomp while I run.
Run, Run, Run,
getting farther and farther lost from
you; and your searching to strong arms.
For me and my sanity I run.
for me and you I want to not think.
As the stress pulls in,
the breathing tubes tighten,
and soon I'm somewhere new, and alone.
Finally the finish line.
The finish line is not what I thought it to be.

Sleeping with elephants trampling through my mind.
There comes a time in every baristas life
where coffee no longer satisfies.
A time where the mountains are calling
and her soul ignites with love and espresso.
She often questions, if it will always feel like this.
This kiss left on her lips, till next kiss.
Elephants rumbling old photograph memories
dancin in and out from behind my stressed out worn eyes.
I can take a week of chaos for weeks of paradise to come.
And boy... here. I. come.

When the panic attacks lift,
when my feet are propped up,
when my yoga is namaste
when i crawl into bed.
Can these be the highlights?
    not only of today, but also of tomorrow?
When you've moved alone,
   and when your Jesus is low,
there isn't much left.
Loneliness is the loneliest
for such a lovely word to say,
it has such depth and meaning I never had known.
That is, before I discovered loneliness myself;
here, in the fortress, darling.
When lonely sets in, it starts with:
skin.
A simple shake off, shower or run will subdue it.
But then it creeps into:
muscle.
Then family, friends, and laughter will conquer it.
Soon, alas, it is settling deep in the:
bones.
Then family, *** and joy, are last resorts, and they will dominate it.
Don't, my dear, let it lodge home in your:
lungs.
Then and only then will all of the above be able to
pull, drag and lift you out of the loneliness.

Oh how silly of me to have not chased you out the door.
How silly of me to have actually texted you.
How silly of me to have led you on.
How stupid of me to have continued.
How stupid can a girl be?
When her lover is gone,
and all she can think of is love?
How come I say one thing,
and do another?
Where did the days go where I did what I wanted?
I didnt worry about approval, secrets, or life.
Do I miss those days, or am I glad I am moving on to a new chapter?
A beautiful girl like me lost in this world and sea.
Moving so fast i cant cacth the ground
i cant calm my feet.
I am not floating nor walking.
I am running at my own world pace,
and as it quickens my legs drift into a new world,
while my mind is in the old.
I can focus I can do this,
but there is still so much fear of,
I cant.
Some one hear my call,
someone hear my plea,
I am sitting right beside you on the bus,
I am the girl in the coffee shop, waiting room, stop light,
everyone has problems big and small
everyone has a weakness large or big.
Everyone has secrets deep and wide.
I have a past,
and you have a future together we can make a life time.
I have a passion and you have a yern
we can make a family.
no way to end or begin besides by jumping in.

Found my own trail,
Found my new vail,
a life I live to please another?
Please, this life is about me and my Father.
With the view of the city before me,
you can't be the only person for me.
Dont rub it in my face your above me,
certainly don't bring up my past.
Or else I promise, I won't look back.
I've moved on from heart break before,
I can do it once more.
The pressure is building inside m,
while I slowly explode little by little.
If your not what I want,
How come I can't get away??

It is a strange thing when
I feel I want to be your biggest strength.
I'd love to be the smile on your face
and the warm glow on your skin
because I also want to be your greatest weakness.
I want to bring you to your knee,
I'd love to be the thing that distracts you at work
and most of all I'd want nothing less than to be yours.

Out with the old, in with the new
I knew that our love was to good to be true.
Next time I'll be bullet proof.
No, next time: I'll find a prince;
             not a fugitive.
Next time I'll find a wild;
              not a control.
Next time I won't hold myself back
I won't give up myself.
Next time, my love won't fade.
If it does; He'll fight for it back,
not exit the scene.
Next time will be nothing but love
    Not a fear of leaving.
You won't be able to recognize
to hypnotize my back.
I'll be strong because of you.
Isn't that what you wanted?

Making progress
Can sometimes be hard
to start.
Especially when you not sure,
What to progress,
With no grades to raise,
and no friends to impress;
life is pretty simple when,
all you do is
work and ***.

30 hours ago I saw you.
30 hours ago all you could say was negative
30 hours ago I cared more, I believed more
but more than what you think can change in 30 hours.
You had your chance, your chance to try...
Not even commit, but try.
All you've shown me is your lack of commitment
and your lack of strength.
I guess this is goodbye.
I guess you chose money and yourself and comfort over me.
I guess I choose a full life and God over you.
I know you won't tell your family, why.
You won't say, because she loves God and I don't.
I don't want to lose Jerrik and Reid
   Or Lisa. Or Paisley. Or Rhalna. Or Branson.
But this is the path God chooses for me I'll follow.
Riley, I'm sorry.
  I'm sorry I wasted your time.
  I'm sorry I tried to change you.
  I'm sorry. I won't happen again.

I feel so distant from who I was.
Distant from my first love, first kiss, first time
I was so gullible and weak then.
Now I'm embarrassing women hood
I'm accepting life as it comes
Facing fears in an all conquering type of way.
I've become gentler, and more competitive.
Thanks to one man and 1 billion new experiences.

My dreams of you, are coming true.
The trust you have, makes you brave.
How is it just now, I am seeing this?
From the first shower, to now in your arms.
Wash me clean, scrubbing my legs, my back,
over my scars, over my flaws, over my doubt.
If I ever leave this safe place with you,
it better be to your room.
Tangeled between sheets,
caught up in giggle fits,
confident in our future.
The old loves have faded,
they still hurt, but aren't thought of.
My cold hard runs, they have ceased.
The only place I am running too
is our future beyond the blue.
I will never loose you.
Your valued to high, and your not for sale.
I believe you can, and I can too.
My dear, my dear, you are...

Some of my hopes flew away,
some of my dreams met reality.
Some of your wild left with the wind
some of your maturity grew again.
This humanity blind,
is unfortunately bound to a life,
with no passion.
Only Pintrest and dreams,
But our eyes are not shut,
the can see into the vast, open, waiting,
            Future.
We  can make imagination run free
           In this world.
Your smart and I'm by your side.
Lets fly away and realitize all around us.
Give 110% at everything eve if its nothig.
The wild is ever entreanching,
and the tames is ever defeating.
Secrete lover lets get out,
and do, our thing.
Leave this drama,
Leave this behind.
Grow in love, is the only way.
The light is shinning and I'm
getting there fast.

This feeling that seemed dead,
it rose and it rose, overfilling the rim,
over pouring through veins and hearts,
over powering minds and leaving the darkness.
Headed towards all that is light.
Oh won't you see? I want to be free.
Free as a bird, no fear of fashion.
Living like decisions are already made.
A path, a purpose, a future.
Soon, I will be old and tired,
pouring over these pages, thinking
Oh why couldn't you see?
Some one will love you, so just be.

When the walls move closer with every breath,
when the stress makes your hear ache and pop
when everything is not working or fitting
find a hand to hold.
Hold on and enjoy the struggle upon you.
A new chapter in this year
I will not start off on a bad cold foot.
Conquering is something I've never done before
and it's time for a change.
No defeats only advances.
My future, my plans, my hands.
Snow keep blowing,
  Nights keep falling,
    But daybreaks don't stop showing.
Every morning, a chance to advance more.
The advantage of happiness, finally obtained,
and my dear I'm not letting go.

My world was crumbling
until I stood and stood against the pain.
At first just peering through the curtain of my next chapter
I was scared and I didn't know... but I also did.
I found my way and step at a time, I came to you.
You lead me through
saved me from so many lonely nights.
You chose me and thats the biggest gain.
Country Boy falls for Hippie
    the title to our love is perfect.
I once thought I could be happy again
but I never imagined "love".
I once dreamed of a knight in armor,
but I never imagined southern drawl.
I once thought "he" would protect me,
but I never imagined a Military Man.
I'm damaged but repaired.
Your damaged and trying.
I was hurt but you helped mend.
You were hurt; let me mend.
Us women are not all what you think.
One step at a time we'll work towards the future we want.

Tell me why it is,
I can't get you off my mind?
I can't seem to stand here,
and not think of you.
I need to get me back,
I need to not rely,
because when we rely on humans
all the do is imperfect.
But isn't there so much beauty in imperfect?
Everyonce and then its nice to be messy,
disorderly and out of conduct.
Because if we never did that, it would be all
perfect and boring.
Imperfections have stories behind them.
The have reason.
Is there reason in perfection?
for me, little to none at all.
To be fun and hard to handle, to be out of control,
now theres the perfect imperfections.
Although I don't like my hair,
                                      my height,
                                      my present circumstance,
I'm imperfect and completely compelled
to strive toward control and loss of this regular life.

New cars to break in,
legs twisted in back seats,
teach me your ways...
Mr. Weak-at-my-knees.
i love you forever,
as long as I can, my lips
will always accept your kiss.
You and me the love we keep,
The love we make when...
Well, whenever we want.
I will love you near and far
I will gladly go up and down,
turn around and touch the ground,
if only to make you laugh.
I can't wait to feel you on me,
once again re-united.
Star-struck, in love,
deep down, rings and vows.

runners usually have two legs,
two lungs,
and two eyes.
Although some runners only have 1 lung.
And throughout this life time, they are looking for the other.
The race is going to be hard with one,
thats why i found you.
My other stronger lung.
Help me through the race, for i am ingured,
and i need a boost.
Carry me to the car, and dance with me in the hotel room.
I will be okay.
Help me when i cant reach the sugar,
and always pull up the covers to cover our faces.
the race is long, and it is also way to short.
if you finish out of breath you have probably done well,
and you make me paint.
if you finish in breath and time,
you have probably missed out on the view.
Take me to Horsetooth,
and look at our city,
we built this place,
and we made memories in every street corner,
and every back parkinglot.

Dear Southern boy,
Please excuse my past behavior.
Please accept my western ways.
Dear southern boy,
You love me right,
move my body in deep slow ways.
You hold my face in your hands
gentle and big.
Dear Southern boy,
just one look at your fingers gives me chills
it sends a tickle down my spine
every time you skim your lips over mine.
You guid me through back countries,
and take me for a ride.
Dear Southern boy,
the way you treat me is so unreal.
your hands-off-love approach does me just right.
Dear Southern boy,
never forget.
Your, Colorado Hippie.

Through this hard rain,
You don't know who you'll see,
staring back through at me.
But for now I hope its you,
standing waiting for me.
"Don't be like them"
keeps running running
through my mind.
"Your nutty", "You have something up there."
I feed off you and your pitiful compliments.

We loved.
We loved getting new barbies, and new guns.
We loved new toys and the thought of growing older.
We loved the outdoors, exploring and imagining.
We grew older and lost touch with that old tender love.
Then we found each other.
At that moment we found we loved each other.
We loved each other in the wild.
We loved seeing each other's hearts catch fire with passion.
We loved to explore things we didn't know we loved.
We loved each other.
Now we've grown to a new love.
A love the bible calls "unconventional"
A love that poets call "unwavering"
A love I once asked God to bring me too,
And a love you were searching for when you found me.
We take a step towards this love,
fully and head on.
Because our love will be better.
Our love will carry on, and never end;
We will pass it on to strangers and to our family.
We have a special love that only some can find.
A love I call, you call and we all call wild and free.

Look down on my dangerously, Orions Belt.
My heart is roaming wild and free.
My body is wanting late and wet.
Life starts to spin wildly out of control
I realize how steady you kept me,
   how cool and collected.
I miss your scent, I miss you holding me when my legs were weak.
But I've missed this rebel inside of me.
This careless, cool, collected mess.
And so, I turn up the music,
   so my thoughts are quieted, but one.
I wake up early to open my eyes and still my body.
I run, I run and I run to pound the pavement
and to lose all the sadness of not missing you.
Because I finally realize, I am missing someone,
and its not you, Riley.
I miss him. I miss his hands of home.
But I think he's gone from me, I think its to late.
The lonely whispers, "Yes, its to late."
  as the wind blows through.
But, the sun shines, "Yes! Tell him!" as it causes my skin to glow.

With buckled knees,
and sweaty palms;
This girl have never been here before,
short dress and scandalous ******,
this girl knows and doesn't know,
what to expect.
With heels so high and bangles up and down,
she knows she rocks the show.
The guys all stare and she knows
tomorrow wont matter.
But boys, please don't ruin her.
Please let her be.
Tell her she is pretty,
and give her a night she wasn't expecting.
With jeans and a tee shirt
this boy is ready to go.
Showy shoes and styled hair,
he knows how he looks.
with big hands and moving feet,
he is ready for another wasted night
with a new wasted girl.
But girls, please don't ruin him.
he is fresh and creative,
show him that you can be smart and ****,
give him a night that will
keep him wrapped around your finger
for all nights after.
All it takes is a different kind,
to open the eyes of humanity blind.

Running, running away.
Away from the unwanted of self and by others,
away from the tired holding me back,
away from the pain of yesterday.
I won't have you ruin another day for me,
you've ruined my confidence,
you taken my beauty,
you've destroyed enough days.
I'm not jealous of the morning that wake you.
I'm not upset if your happy with out me.
And I don't care what you are doing today
   or how many times you've seen the number 22.
I hope you have passion,
I hope you do good,
but don't come sulking back in my mind,
brining this blow-y, snowy evening down.

The LORD made many things
they all make me stand in awe.
His creation created a mystery,
of who my future would be.
He gave me strength to make it through the struggles.
He gave you guidance to find me.
The LORD created the seasons, to give time for love.
Only GOD can paint the aspens yellow,
and only HE can think up the color in your eyes.

this stuff I pour,
Out of me, into you
Your hand here
It twists the knife
My heart now gone
What is left??
Just this old body
Nothing is but
Brokenness from this
Hopeful self you've left.

A hug, but not a kiss,
it has to mean more than this.
A lingering touch,
first 1 arm, then 2.
Then 3 then 4. Wrapped together
the closest we will be,
until for now, forever.

Night out on the town,
turns into night out of my clothes,
and into a strange foreign place in my mind.
Its damp, dark and lonely here;
  ****, warm and snuggly too.
But, here, most importantly, its empty
and ready to be used
by whoever "you" might be.

New jackets, new beginnings,
New beginnings, old endings,
old endings, old souls,
growing, learning, and fighting each day.
A new night brings a new morning.
I can't wait till they start with you.
Lover in the shadows, do I trust your vows?
How can I know you'll be true?
And what about me? What am I to do?
If I don't believe I can be true too,
When secrets become cryptic
start reading between the lines,
For there and only there lie the truths.
Secrets for you, secrets for me,
Why do you think its called a diary?

How can it be that I have,
a lover, a house, a talent, a family,
and I still don't love myself?
How can it be that I feel
pretty, funny, cute, and loved
and still want to look like others.
How can it be that
I am one way outside but not in?
How on earth can I be so materialistic?
How can I be so ungrateful but so privileged?
Pull it together, I say, they have issues too.
But the devil whispers back, they're perfecter than you.
I'm going to start loving me.
Being confident.
Being adventurous.

The clothes in my closet
remind me to be anyone I want to be-
The hiking shoes on the shelf
remind me to explore the wild outdoors-
The pictures hung up on the wall
remind me to create and be inspired-
The bed and blankets and pillows
remind me to rest my mind-
The books stacked on journals stack on books
remind me to expand my horizons-
Its just me and my thoughts,
me and my pains,
        Me and my droughts
              me and my gains.
With the Lord pulling me,
and the Devil chasing me,
I have control of my abandon.
My legs can take me farther.
Water. Coffee. Water. Sleep. Repeat.
Life of simplicity, Lurking behind my heels.
I cant help but fall in love with the way mystery feels.
Hold me tight, but wild me free,
keep me close, but love me harder,
attend to my tears, but add positive.
My stuff has value, but I cannot take.
I hope someday these poems make light,
and find someone to take flight.
In the solitary of my own bed,
I lie and think
how different things will be,
When you infest here too.
My love for you
it grows stronger and stronger,
and my fears grow greater and greater.
My own thoughts kick in,
lets see how you will be,
if the shoes are switched.

You're everywhere I go
You're in every thought I think
every action I complete.
Everything in my immediate surrounding world speaks your name.
Hello in the morning, goodbye at night
though I'm to hurt by my own self
to dare express how I feel of you.
No words can tell the ways I regret
No drawing can reach the depth of your eyes-
   in that very moment in which I knew:
      I knew I'd lost you for good.
Now look at me; I'm practically crawling on my knees,
Wanting to chase, when I knew you've had it.
Yes I know you're done with me now.
If you don't want me back
then please,
leave my thoughts alone.

To caffeinated to sleep,
to stressed to eat
to worried to work
and to sad to smile.
My life flipped upside down.
I'm getting used to this turned sideways view.
And for now... it'll have to do.
But once I'm passed and over you
I will regain my joy
and find a way to smile again.

Chopping my hair gave me the wild back,
coming to Casa gave me the passion back,
sleeping with a southern man gave me the want back,
spoon feeding an orphan gave me the love back,
talking to Brad about everything gave me lightness,
living alone gave me my courage back,
and leaving you, I'll never be looking back.

Loneliness, emptiness, and no self confidence,
are a bad mix when you live in a small town.
I stay with him because he is there.
But if I could, I would fly away, away,
I would enter to my land I would.
I would leave the past behind.
I would. But, I don't.

Through my curled toppled mess,
my heart has been blessed.
My clarity is restored,
and my life in order.
In the city, the life can get busy,
but in the hideaways of the mountains,
the air is clear
much like my eyes on this sunny day.

You, I've dreamed of you
but your more than man of my dreams,
your truth.
I've thought of you before,
because I've thought of who my husband might be.
You make me forget:
   The pain of my life,
   The pain I've caused.
    The past I'm leaving behind.
Completely free to be with you
   AND find myself??
That's how I've always wanted to imagine,
you.

Through thick and thin,
till the lights go dim,
you have always shone,
My love song for you,
will never do,
So I try each day,
Its so nice for a place,
to cast my worries away,
Thank you Lord for  your amazing grace.

I will wait patiently.
No mistakes this time.
All of our surroundings want us together,
and my heart leaps towards you, always.
"Jealous of your won hands intertwined"
What a lovely hard thought.
My joy never ceases around you, but only grows.
Thats what I want,
   Your unconditional, faithful, love.
You and I together, it just seems right.
I won't stop chasing you, I won't stop seeking.
My love down grow weary,
I will find my way to you, once again,
more permanent this time.

Snowflakes falling out side
they look so calm and collected.
So light and bright
and here snuggled with blankets and warmth,
I want to be falling with out question or cause.
To feel weightlessness and beautiful.
Having everyones eyes, with no flaw.
God made us in his own image?
He made snow flakes alike.
So different from each other.
   Yet they stick together and create chaos.
To be without worry, oh! how my hair would grow.
How my knots would fade.
Knott being worked by your hands alone,
though,
might not be worth the trade.
Your big romanous hands make me feel light.
Eyes and glances you through my way make me feel
pretty and unique.
How you make me feel knocks me off my feet.
Why do I crave more?
What else could I possibly want?
-Fullness-
-Equalness-
-Attention-
things you lack often,
but have enough of to keep me around.

when the love we share
is the love of a prayer
there is not much else we can say
but,
Boston stay strong.
Hate stay week.
Love grow tall.
and People keep protecting.

Everytim I think of touching your skin,
My body lets out a little peep.
Its nothing more than a sound of wanting
a touch not finding.
Your very skin keeps me lying awake at night...
just thinking.
But whats different is I'm not tossing and turning from stress,
I'm cool and good with our crazy future.
Who knows what will happen and when
I want to explore the unpredicted wild of life with you
and the touch of your skin.

As my hair blows back and forth,
the wind tossing my mind to and fro
my thoughts turn up.
They turn grateful and happy.
A clean start, they repeat.
A happy future, they remind.
Time and time again I think of you.
All you have done, and all that is affected in my life.
I want to know you deeper
I want to feel you closer.
I want and I need the warm from your heart.
Please stay and don't go.
Because who are you?
but boy of my dreams
Man of my future.

Steady as it goes, let it out
one bit at a time,
The life I lived,
the love I lost.
All come in time.
Never have I been steady
always running and dodging life.
Running,
    Running,  
        Running, through life I go.
Never look behind,
I can not be contained!!
My legs! my wings!
Oh how they wish to go!

I was running,
I wated the wings of the wind to come on me.
But, not to lift me,
  Instead give the push I needed to break.
Not to break in or to break out,
just to break into my inner emotional being
And... I did. And I was there.
So were my disconnected thoughts
   and inner hidden beings.
When I looked at "them" it was different.
They were all happy.
Not deep and buried.
Slowly, it got easier and easier to break to them.
They, the inner beings, rose
to my skins surface.
They they broke. Broke every pore,
   and seaped and oued, to ever sad part of my life.

You chose me
You saw and pursued me.
you wanted and held on and got me.
You didn't catch my eye with nice cars,
   nor showing off your muscles.
You didn't force me or pressure me.
You simply gained my trust.
You swooped down and showed me my truest self.
You accepted and stood for me.
    Although, you didn't fight MY battles,
    But gave me strength and courage.

And adventure arising deep deep from my bones.
The ocean is calling! The mountains are calling!
I must go.
I must go adventure.
Alone. Wild. Wonderful.
The true life to live.
With or without you. I will survive.
I will live. I will flourish.
Although my bones grow weak,
my lungs and love are strong and ready.
To fight, to love, to live,
will be an awfully big adventure.
The lord my pursuit,
the mountains my refuge,
the ocean my ultimate escape.

A year of "to-do" lists,
writing themselves out in my mind.
"I'm not crazy," I repeat to myself,
"Just prepared."
But I wasn't prepared to break up,
I want prepared to go on a life changing mission.
Not ready to meet the love of my life.
My to-do list didn't say, "Don't get accepted to school"
To-do list help day to day life,
They don't improve 20/20 future vision.