I'm nothing. I will forever be nothing.
How could He?
Why would He send me here to feel doubt and lack of self worth?
I have no purpose, I have no emotion.
Just raw me.
Just skin, salt-water and tears.
Just a stumpy body with no brain
trying to prove something to someone who's not even paying attention.
Self worth out the window- starting from scratch.
How would I like my life to go?
That idea- its far away out of reach
where I cannot grasp it.
I'm not tall enough or smart enough
I'm not good enough;
I'll never reach the moon or fall among the stars,
I'm just falling constantly falling and failing
everyone around me...
Everyone knows I'm not good enough,
but they don't want to say it.
I've disappointed, let down, and lost loves
Don't pay attention to this small breeze blowing by
I am but a mist.

Snowflakes falling out side
they look so calm and collected.
So light and bright
and here snuggled with blankets and warmth,
I want to be falling with out question or cause.
To feel weightlessness and beautiful.
Having everyones eyes, with no flaw.
God made us in his own image?
He made snow flakes alike.
So different from each other.
   Yet they stick together and create chaos.
To be without worry, oh! how my hair would grow.
How my knots would fade.
Knott being worked by your hands alone,
though,
might not be worth the trade.
Your big romanous hands make me feel light.
Eyes and glances you through my way make me feel
pretty and unique.
How you make me feel knocks me off my feet.
Why do I crave more?
What else could I possibly want?
-Fullness-
-Equalness-
-Attention-
things you lack often,
but have enough of to keep me around.

I want to lay here and fall asleep under the twinkle lights.
I want to go home and smell the evergreen tree.
I want you to follow me to my car and kiss me with passion.
I want to fall asleep in your big arms.
I want to reach out through the phone and comfort you.
I want to drift away onto the sandy beaches.
I want to be my own kind of person.
I want all these things, but most of all I want to know.
Having no control
I can't tell people what I'll be doing this summer...
Having little to no control is draining and stressful.
I just want to know...




My heart wants to be wild and be free
But theres a difference between free and control.
To be free of ties, but know where I am going.

Remembering all the times we had.
When you said "If I kiss you now, it all will change,"
and how it all did.
Now I wonder, didn't your friends advise you to stop?
Didn't they say, "You'll break her heart."
or were they to busy with themselves, like you?
You simply just kept leading me on and on and on.
Will I ever not hurt when reflecting back on you?
Just a girl trying to be woman for you,
Just a boy trying to get over a past love.
How could you have taken your time?
Even told our parents about me.
How many hugs did I waste?
How heavy is my stolen virginity on your shoulders now?
Do you still speak my name?
Does it resound in your ears? Do you ever recall my tears?
How did the end look in your eyes?
... Can you tell my wounds are still unclosed.

Tell me why it is,
I can't get you off my mind?
I can't seem to stand here,
and not think of you.
I need to get me back,
I need to not rely,
because when we rely on humans
all the do is imperfect.
But isn't there so much beauty in imperfect?
Everyonce and then its nice to be messy,
disorderly and out of conduct.
Because if we never did that, it would be all
perfect and boring.
Imperfections have stories behind them.
The have reason.
Is there reason in perfection?
for me, little to none at all.
To be fun and hard to handle, to be out of control,
now theres the perfect imperfections.
Although I don't like my hair,
                                      my height,
                                      my present circumstance,
I'm imperfect and completely compelled
to strive toward control and loss of this regular life.

After I hung my lights,
moved in my stuff.
Hung the curtains
got the wifi
paid the bills....
I realized, when a self conscious,
unknowingly young,
bored with no hobbies
no connections girl
moves into a unknown place,
she must make the best of it.
Once you let a tiny
little, run down,
oil field, train stop
country town
get you down,
theres no coming back.
If this town doesn't teach me anything
I truly can't learn.

Baby, can you feel me like I feel you?
I feel the weight of our love every day.
I feel your weight in my bed. I feel you.
Do you know why I'm around?
Can you smell me when I go?
Because, I know, your smell.