Claw beneath your ribs
Hold down wild you
Just for a little while
Feel the anguished flutter
Begging these gruff hands . . .


1.
Fear takes commotive hold
Makes wooden legs
Delayed dance…..so delayed
Causing silent attendance of synchrony

No use stepping out for flight just yet, if alone
Will meantime practise wing-span
                           iron out brittle energy
                           attempt to fortify links
                           ..

2.
Careless snubs to fragile sapling
Did *absolutely nothing
To the course set out
Only hypocrites squander even half-truths
and wallow in obsequious words
rendering paralysis and decay

I will continue to claw beneath your ribs
Covert trove awaits us
In the tormented form of
Crashing waves on a broken coast
Hacked to near-distraction by potent searching


3.
Loss is not wasted
unseen by its absence:
evocative presence felt …with penniless eyes

I challenge you to visualise our melting:
                 perched on fate’s right shoulder
                 re-sent to this basic arena as buoyant token
                 summoned by that primordial, blue light
                 ..



the sun may well baulk and melt
at the ruddy sight of
such intense clawing beneath your ribs
(like your customary digging into my bristling blades)

To find my foetal place
within the calling drumbeats
of imperative you . . .




S T, sunsday . . . 21 July 2013

i found your spirit
laying at my feet
upon the ground
it was a tattered sheet
transparent threads
shreds of a spider web
i gathered in my arms
careful as glass
a sad mess
your sorry soul
i found it
i loved it
and i knew it was mine

~ Losing Innocence ~
Why do we risk it all for love?
No matter how exquisite,
Passionate, wonderful it is,
We lose;
Always.
Whether we part for differences or in death,
We lose;
Always.
No matter how much we try to hold on,
Change ourselves or our other,
Govern and protect the relationship,
We lose;
Always.

Thus, why do we do it?
We do it for the moments that will reside with us,
Always.
For the craze and lust.
The fury,
The fervor,
The obsession, infatuation, excitement.
For the zeal, enthusiasm, passion.
We do it for us;
To penetrate over into,
Our partner.

Me and You,
We wanted it all.
None of the pain,
Just the good stuff.
Well, we had it.
The good, the lovely.
What a surprise!
But then,
As Always,
We lost.

We lost ourselves,
Our way.
The rhythm and balance
We perfected.
How did we not see it coming?
Stumbling on to a new realm.
One in which we operate alone.
The composition wrecked.
We smashed into that brick wall.
Afraid to leave,
Co-dependent.
I knew you wanted out.
Maybe a break?
You opposed it.
We could not come back from it.
I could feel the coming loss.
But not in the way I expected.

A trip!
To get us back.
The excitement could mend us.
It did for 72 hours.
Then the ultimate force of depature
Came upon.
In a small elegant English hotel,
You died in my arms
On a Saturday morning in London.
Thirty five hundred miles away from home.

The initial shock blasted my mind and body.
The detonation of torment pierced my soul.
Unadulterated suffering terrorised.
I lost my equilibrium and steadiness.
Embarking in an unknown world,
Where the dwellers seethe with agony.
A spot was saved for me there,
Where fumes suffocate.
A Hell on Earth
Where Innocence is Lost.

colin kissed hannah instead
and i was nate's second choice
i found out about joe too late
and carson puked on my shoes
wyatt was the first everything
and louis was only a phone call
slade didn't care about my heart
and maklin shouldn't have

you were so much less, so much more
and i know because
it hurts when
i try to write your name.

At dusk we watch the windows of the hotel tell their stories
Some are a warm summer yellow and inside, their lovers are at peace
Some flash with florescent brightness, as colors slap their eggshell walls
I imagine the lives that other people lead, and am glad I have my own with you
Someone who will pause to look out at the world with me, and wonder what it means

I watch you talk about the contrast and the unity of this city and of nature
About how the city rises up in front of the ocean like a purposeful backdrop
And how it towers above the Earth as men believe we have the right to
Attempting to make natural and unnatural beauty cohabitants of one another
I let my heart agree, and give into the skyline imprinted on the horizon

I suppose I've been waiting to meet you. And now I have
So I can feel my way around a perfect summer's night
So we can drink blueberry wine and watch the sky fade into a similar flavor
A gradient from icy light blue to a full-bodied purple haze

You kiss me perfectly in the easy, mellow middle of nowhere
Sweet like a summer peach and soft like a blanket of sun
Covering me everywhere and kissing right beneath the bones
In a small farming town I learn more about you than ever before
It’s not my home, but I know I would be happy with the change

I let you wonder what I’m thinking because it’s too heavy for the air
The little mystery I withhold from you is my only way of slowing down
This whole hearted, light headed revolution of my brand new soul
This eternal adventure I embarked upon without a second thought

We could do anything together, making new memories as we swap old ones
You say you've only felt this way a couple of times before. But I never have
So I let you win, I let you lead, even when you talk to me sounding like a father.
I come to you like a ****** to love with a blank slate for a heart and a future

Your right for me simply because you do not ground me
You coincide with the dreamer and thinker that no one else hears or sees
And you listen and look at me in a way that no one else comprehends

Your hold on me feels just right against the silence and sleeping darkness
I feel a lot more than the quiet night can hold when I finally let you fall asleep
As your dreaming I’m thinking about you recklessly, holding on as long as I can
If I can feel your breathing, your beating heart, your train of thought
I can slip into your dreams with you, ultimately together in a shared subconscious
And if I wake up to those sun beams and bright blue, I’ll be happy until next time.