So what is it
that it is
that it does
and where is he
that beautiful boy
when I need him the most
he is off
doing who knows who knows what
and he should be here,
should be
should think of me
because he doesn't
and it doesn't make me mad
it just
makes me pathetic

These days, they lose their potency
As love is lost to misery
And history has taught me
To just stop fighting it all

For letting go, it often seems
Is best to grow, to keep moving
Rather hiding in the lonely
Than to risk damage in the fall

And I ask for you to only
No chastise, but just let me be
And then maybe I'll find some peace
Inside my loneliness

But I most likely won't...

I don’t like how
hot
cold
empty
reminiscent
final
full
starting
this morning is
too easy
hard
open up an old book
it is never the same
she-
this is full and empty
I cannot find the in-between
just darting to and from
gluttonous and starving
I once found the in-between
held it closer than she holds hair
I straddle quest
I straddle settled
the only time we find the answers
is when we empty bottles
empty is just the other side of full
we crack bottles
over tombstones
they shatter
not full
nor empty
I am trying not to mourn destruction
birth
smiles
cigarettes
kisses
teardrops
I don’t want to capture
just earn
not full
nor empty
just be
I don’t like how
the last time we kissed
we were not cataclysm
nor inertia
I am trying to get back to her
without asking her to find me
not knowing how full our contents might be later
I know we’re empty,
pretending we are sailboats
filling out linens with as much misery as we can
calling it moving forward
in the corner of this body of water
I feel the breeze run through my hair
her fingers used to run through my hair
When the breeze comes
I tie the jib so I might reach somewhere else.
When I reach somewhere else it is
not different
from what had been left.