all people have demons
that attempt to reduce
and conquer them

i am no different and
each morning I stand
and face my own

my demons are special
known only to me
and  tailored to know my weaknesses

where the knife cuts
where a soft word wounds
and festers

sometimes they score straight to the heart
questioning not only my abilities
but the personal relationships with those i love

no one loves me
i am pitied
does he really know anything?

the fight can be subtle.
as it gnaws on the insecurities
and internal perceptions of me

the **** things make me feel alone
an alone that moves with me
hiding the people that care

do you know what it feels
to think people don’t care?
that you’re unimportant?

such are the thoughts of mine
when defenses are down
and i’m feeling weak

many times i fight the good fight
killing such thoughts
with laughter or anger

valiant or not
i do not always win
fear that they are right creep inside me

the real struggle begins
real versus imagined
a fight between selves

long fight or short
nasty or not
i come out ahead

i have to fight back
for there is to much at stake
to let them win

All the years gone by
Numbness fills the heart like smog
Slowly creeping in
Filling the space between smiles
Choking out the joy
Smothering love with each beat
Hoping for a change
Fighting to save what once was
One side fights alone
The other watches the smog
Numb down to the core
Is one to fight for the past
Or is there nothing to save?

a wind has blown the rain away and blown
the sky away and all the leaves away,
and the trees stand.  I think i too have known
autumn too long

                  (and what have you to say,
wind wind wind—did you love somebody
and have you the petal of somewhere in your heart
pinched from dumb summer?
                            O crazy daddy
of death dance cruelly for us and start

the last leaf whirling in the final brain
of air!)Let us as we have seen see
doom’s integration………a wind has blown the rain

away and the leaves and the sky and the
trees stand:
             the trees stand.  The trees,
suddenly wait against the moon’s face.

another you will be me..
while I try to be you.
they say it'll be us
so don't think that I'll pass
this life with you or without
just shout it to me
so that I could hear you
see it clearly from here
a heartbeat so near
so take it from me
it's not taken from you
just be like me
and I'll try my best
to be just like you..

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

Sorrow blooms on our cheeks
From time to time
In a cloud of damp surrender
And whilst ever present
Is quickly devoured by a whale
Of necessary denial

Yet let us not think
That life is but a dark night
And rather the brightest day
Of carefree sunshine
Occassionally dimmed
By the bleak, fleeting shadows
Cast by that breath-taking creature
Merciful in its elusive nature

Swim thru thickness
breath with no resistance
peace lives here
chaos fails to break thru.

Ignorant bliss,
turning rolling twists
thru my compact sea,
within me I fail to see,
the child longs, to swim free.

Never knew drowning
felt like birth;
Confusion should lie here,
masked, by serenity.
(c)KF03