I fell a little more today
The kind that involves lust, love,
And all the luscious “L” words.
I pushed my heart out there
It sang of heartache and bad times
It spoke of hope and need
Greedy heart that it is
It wants it all
The tensed up slip of desire
The loose feeling of caring
It’s a rough game
The game of love and lust
It breaks some in two and binds others for life.
I play it all the same
I wish to fall a little more tomorrow too.

©cindrac090612

I speak of being lost often
It’s a feeling that invades me
Without anticipatory thought
Going to bed alone tonight undid me
I thought of my smoke stained hair
I realized that I didn’t smell normal
Without a pause the thought changed
There is no one to tell me I smell good
No quick lean in to inhale
No passing smile from the scent
Warm skin is just warm
No one is there to breathe in who I am
Of all the things to devastate me
The thought of never having anyone
Sneak a breath of me turned my heart
A teary moment is only delayed
For the length of a shower

cc071412

Wastelands of dry parched nothingness
Forced pursuit of pale mirages filled with life
Wavering brinks of relief in the scorching heat
Washed away life of golden liquid
Dehydrated stumbles in the dreaming darkness
Faded taste of malicious lies
Water in feverous dreams
Dried up mouth in waking sleep

cc071211

Once I had hopes
Once I had dreams
I was going to touch the stars
I was going to find out
What moons were made of
I was going to see worlds
Once I had hopes
Once I had dreams
Now I am too far to see
The worlds out there

cc022212

We drift through the moments
Of silence in our flickering thoughts
Who are we then?
Brief lapses of lost identities
With none of the trappings of personality
Lies the mind tells itself drop and fall away
Folded up memories cleared
To allow the blank shuffling
Faraway stares unfocused on the present
Drifting moments of silence in flickering thoughts

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Flailing light of coursing dread
Fills my mind with painful cries
Start the crippling hopeless feeling soon
Shove the depression to the front
You’re alone, it needles
Alone now
Alone tomorrow
Alone forever
Panic only fuels the spreading fears
Alone and worthless are the whispering thoughts
The catcalls of mockery rip shreds of the soul
Run harder before it runs you down

cc111911

I’ve died
I’ve felt the brunt of dis-ease like a disease
The final straw that has broken my heart
Drove a stake through instead
Why now?
The leftover time I’ve been allowed
Is filled with hollowed out emptiness
The screams of pain when there is no one to answer me
Bursts my life at the seams
I have died
I’m gone for sure this time
I cannot even fill the time I have in between
Because I am numb
Dead inside
Without that genuine human touch with no hurtful motive
I’ve gone and died
Withered blossoms of socialization should have fought hard
Hardly fought instead
The weak politeness crept out
I have died
With no thought for the future
I’ve cut my past off to live in the blankness of the present
Don’t fret
I never really lived anyway.

cc111911