I stopped seeing my therapist
after she pulled me out of my numbness.
I stopped going to therapy because
she understood what I was going through
and I was so used to nobody caring to ask.
I stopped because she didn't care to ask,
she asked because my parents paid her to.
I stopped getting help because the helper
had the same name as my dead friend.
The universe is really in collaboration with hell to see my fall.

Numb
n
   u
       m
               b    n   e   s   s  is a destroyer
and a healer of sorts
but it's as temporary as a scraped knee.

If somebody is getting paid to ask you
how you are feeling then I suggest
you run out of there like a bat out of hell.
I'd ask you for free.

Some things are certain.
Tonight the moon will rise only to be replaced by the warmth of the sun
again in the morning.
You're never as certain as the universe.
And even that could cease to exist at any given moment.

I keep searching for you in cracks in the pavement, in graffiti ridden alleyways
and in my most terrifying moments, when I cross the street looking behind me
instead of in front.
I keep thinking that you're going to be somewhere asking me to stay
or saying you love me or some other sentimental *******.

Truth is I'm a traveler. I don't stay in one place too long.
I don't make ties that can't be easily broken with the razor blade
that has become my only friend.

You don't understand and how could you?
You've been stuck in this one horse town your whole life
and you only gravitated towards me because I had tattoos
and silver metals sticking through my skin that spelt out rebellion.

You didn't see me as a flower, but a dandelion.
You wished on me, for a new life, a new love and a new thing to make you feel alive.
But all ghosts can do is make you think of death.

I'm a sad ghost of a girl I once was or maybe who I'm going to be.
And sooner or later I will find you in a crack in the pavement or over my shoulder.
And you won't ask me to stay, because you'll know better.
You'll tell me to look forward.

Oh I have been waiting, years to have you,
My march has died, my life has now begun.
Your great beauty is what made me pursue.
I shall not cease till you are my loved one.
Though I can not think, though i can not speak,
I lie awake, dazed by your bright allure.
There are many things that make you unique,
You are like an angel, so strong and pure.
The fairness of your eyes, brings wars to peace.
Your hands reach out to everyone in need.
Your hair rich as silver and golden fleece.
I just hope, you will not make my heart bleed.
I have you now and don't want you to leave
Just one thing I ask, and that is believe.

A flaw can be found on every square inch of my body
And perfection can be found on every square inch of yours
I don't deserve perfect
I wouldn't know what to do with it
So I won't chase after you
I'll just watch
I'll watch your grace and your beauty
I'll watch your lips dance and your eyes wander
I'll study you
I'll study you until I have finally convinced myself that you are without a doubt the unattainable
The impossible
So that when I go home and lay my head on my pillow
I won't she's a tear for you
Because I know
You are the unattainable, the impossible

I glanced through the crowd
There you stood
And from across the smoky room
I could feel your heartbeat
Perfectly synchronized with mine

Our eyes met
And at once I knew Your heart
I felt Your Spirit grasping mine

Overwhelmed, I looked away
When I turned back to you, you had gone
Leaving my soul in flames
From your kerosene passion
And the spark in your eyes

With scrambled thoughts
And tired eyes
I tried to write you
Lullabies

Sleepy eyes make for achey hearts as I lay here and remember you on the side of the bed opposite me.
I used to think the sun and moon rose solely to shed light on the beauty we created.
But as the beauty died, they still rose.
So now I know I was blinded by the light that we created ourselves.
I know you're drunk and I remember when you used to get drunk off of me and my smell and my kiss and my taste.
And I'm completely sober like always, but I remember being drunk off of you too.
And sleepy eyes make for achey hearts as I realize that the moon and sun never did rise solely to shed light on the beauty we created.
Now, I'm done dying over you, and I'm done grabbing and pulling for your love.
Because I realize now,
After nights of pure pain and darkness and days that seemed to be never-endingly filled with memories of you,
That the sun and moon never ever did rise solely to shed light on the beauty we created.
And they'll continue to rise as long as I continue to breathe.
And even though I don't have you, they'll still rise and fall solely to shed light on the beauty that I can create without you.
So sleepy eyes make for sleepy hearts as I drift away into the light that the moon shines
Solely for me.