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Nov 2018 · 115
How Am I Supposed to Feel?
Tell me what I am supposed to feel,
When you can't even keep it real?
Refuse to just give me the deal,
Damage done that you can't heal.
I can see that look inside your eyes;
You know that I can see through all the lies.
You played me once and I won't let it happen twice,
So say goodbye to love you chose to sacrifice.
Why do you prey on my emotions?
Leaving me be, lovesick and hopeless.
And you can pretend like you don't notice,
Before I go I just want you to know this.
You're the best **** thing that's ever happened to me.
With this hole in my heart, that means I once was complete.
But it's better this way, in due time I'll move on,
Forget about the nights when you and I would dance along,
Blanketed beneath the stars dispersed across the sky,
Painful memories of love lost remind us we're alive.
Aug 2014 · 347
Rhythms of the Universe
Hi I'm here to show you the rhythms of the universe I can melt your mind with my words and I can do it in one verse I think really fast so I don't really like to rehearse because time in  rhymes is not something to reverse I don't know if Im a blessing or a curse I think my minds about to burst
There's alot of people living in my head sometimes I don't know if I'm living or dead but these thoughts are nothing to dread cause after all we don't really matter in the end
If you had a girl who told you lies to make you smile,
Would you think this love would last for a while?
A girl who's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen,
But she would never tell you what she would truly mean.
Could you live in a lie that would comfort you?
Or would it drive you insane to only hear what's not true
You take her out on dates, you pay for the meal,
Because she always leaves you with the short end of the deal.
She goes through your things, but there's nothing you're hiding,
Kind of ironic considering she's the one who's been lying.
And if you think you're her only man, you're sadly mistaken,
But she feels no remorse for your trust she's forsaken.
Now her cruel, true face I finally see,
This woman who we call Lady Liberty.
This devil in a small dress I will see no more,
It was the government who turned this sweetheart into a *****.
Jan 2014 · 350
My World and Their World
I live in a alternate world
But this world and my world seem to be swirled
All the others have a linear perception but mine appears to be curled
I hear sounds in quiet places
I see faces where I shouldn't see faces
Attributes of my mind that no one embraces
So is this why I'm always sad?
Are they jealous of me which makes them mad?
But if they had what I've had, they'd understand why I'm sad
Then they would be lonely like me
They would hear what I hear and see what I see
But my world is much more fun
So I don't mind if it's me they shun
Jan 2014 · 1.4k
Corrupt Government
A man with great power, a man with two faces
Who appeared focused, but his heart lied in different places
A man with charisma, a man with two minds
Who tried to guide us, but his contradicted loyalty binds
He wanted to better all of us
But the true rulers gained his trust
His intentions were good, but now he's drunk on deception
Which caused him to spread to us the misconception
That he shepherds us towards the light
But as we follow, the light did not glow bright
At this point it was too late
We face our inevitable fate
Too many of us were surprised
To be lead to our demise
But for a very select few
As we strayed away, the light grew
But does the light warm you when you watch all the others meet their doom?
Jan 2014 · 1.4k
Hip Hop Shit
Some may say that I'm lyin, but the music is dyin,
And I want to bring it back so I have to keep tryin
Until it comes back to life then my words'll keep cryin
Songs are supposed to expose the soul, where'd that all go?
It seems like all you care about is money, hoes, and clothes, but why are you writing? That's all a playa wants to know
Mo money mo problems, your lyrics speak volumes
How your priorities are whack, that's a matter of fact
When you see your reflection in the mirror, can you really handle that?
You say look at all these things I'm buyin
I say look at all these kids who keep dyin
And you got what they need, so why you gotta show your greed?
You could've helped a family maintain
If you didn't buy that new gold chain
Do you know how you would feel if you saw the eyes of those in pain?
Don't you know society breeds jealousy, especially, when I admire the wealthy, then my ambition's unhealthy, and the second that I make then nobody can help me
And I've become what I've despised
A recurring cycle towards demise
Can you go to hell for what you think?
Can I call myself moral if sometimes I like to drink?
Do any of us deserve salvation
For fighting off the temptation?
But inside I'm just a demon
I can't make no sense or reason
And you can't even tell
When I daydream in hell
If you took a look in to my mind you would say I'm not well
I wear the mask of a gentleman
But it's not really genuine
My evil bottles up deep down inside
But sometimes it's got nowhere to hide
So I have to let it out and take a trip on the wild side
So if I think just how I am,
Will I be eternally ******?
****
Baby I ain't got no money
But we find this life quite funny
Singin dancin clappin laughin
Never worry bout what's about to happen
Live it up right now, that's what I say
Why wait for tomorrow when we ain't promised another day
Oh baby, baby, you shine so bright
Brighter than all the stars in the sky at night
Oh baby, baby, your kiss so sweet
Makes me wanna stay with you in the bed sheets
Oh baby, baby, your skin so smooth
All the pain I used to feel is now soothed
Oh baby, baby, our love so good
Everybody knows my name in the neighborhood
And when were done,
I'll light up another one
Then we'll both be flyin high
Layin on the clouds floatin in the sky
And when you leave me later on
Just know I always thought you were the one
Nov 2013 · 7.1k
Intergalactic Angel
Sympathy I feel for those who haven’t seen what I’ve seen, and for those who have felt what I’ve felt. The embodiment of my regret, shining with all the light once saved me, now engulfs me in torment of my mistake. As I orbit in harmony with the rotation of a green star, that is much more than just a green star, I ponder what my life would be if I still had my green star. I know that in time, this green star that means everything and more to me, will collapse and perish, but we will only be able to see the star frozen in time, that very instant before it collapsed, desperately clinging to one single moment. I still cling to that moment, the moment I saw my soul break free from the chains that I thought would hold me down perpetually, in her eyes. I don’t quite know how it happened, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t on the make, it was the perfect storm, I said one thing, she said another, and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my days in the middle of that conversation. It’s painful to admit that I ruined the most precious friendship I’ve ever had, which tends to sting more when she was the only genuine friend I’ve ever had. I prefer solidarity most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t long for a companion every now and again, but lately that desire grows stronger and stronger, holding on to the memory of the companion I once had and lost. My life on Earth, my past life, would be considered prosperous; I was one of the top aerospace engineers in the world, which is a very time consuming and painstaking practice, but exploring the unknown territories of the universe had always been my passion. I didn’t have much of a family, my mother and father passed away when I was 22 years old, and my brother and I severed ties shortly after the death of our parents, and I had not desire nor time for a significant other, let alone the willingness to dedicate my life to another person. I always believed that I embodied the definition of misplacement, I never seemed to fit in any particular group of people, nor with any other person, really, I enjoyed getting lost in the sea of my thoughts, riding the waves, pondering ideas, asking questions that can only be answered in theory, which essentially renders me incapable of interacting with others. However, being your own best friend can sometimes lead to psychotic thoughts of self-loathing, and eventually the last straw broke the backbone of my perseverance, and I convinced myself to commit suicide. Originality and pretentiousness ****** me, demanding myself to end my life a way no one else’s life has ended, and my imagination spiraled into a storm, brainstorming my own demise. My most recent endeavor at the time was to manufacture a personal bubble that would sustain in space, and condensing a spaceship into the size of a smart car was the threshold between my pathetic life of this planet, and self-destructive glory. After a year of an extremely unhealthy intensity of research, my talisman of my soul, my most cherished invention, my cosmic coffin. I traveled from my home in Anchorage to the highest point in Alaska, Mount McKinley, and inserted my body comfortably inside my space bubble and proceeded to ascend into my eternal salvation, ascending towards achievement of my life’s dream, ascending the edges of space, where no human has ever occupied in history. The butterfly feeling in my stomach, caused by the sheer joy I felt, is probably the closest feeling I had ever felt at the time to true love, the irony of my affection for death. As I slipped past our atmosphere and found myself floating closer towards the stars and planets, I sat down and enjoyed the galactic show of entropy before me, and after a while the visual melody put me in a hypnotic state, and before I knew it I was being stated down by a saucer shaped spaceship with luminous blue lights encompassing the round edge of the ship. I felt my capsule gravitating towards and entering the ship through a small hole on the underbelly of its structure, that appeared to look like a portal. As I passed through the light I was being observed by a feminine looking blue creature, with bright green eyes that sparkled like emeralds in the moonlight, and long, luscious blonde hair, straight and smooth as silk. She was tall, which I realized as I stood up out of my capsule, about an inch taller than my six foot frame, with long, skinny fingers and decently big webbed feet, and a long slender tail hanging down from her backside that wasn't quite long enough to touch the ground. She had shiny, scaly skin that had a deceptive rough appearance in texture, but felt soft and smooth when her hand reached out to embrace mine, and she said, "Hello, I am called Elora, what are you called?" Still in shock, the only awkward response I muttered was, "Eric" and she asked, "Why are you here Eric?" As I regained my quick wit I declared, "Does anyone know why they're here?" She smiled, exposing her sharp white teeth and proposed, "Well, you can help me find out." I think it had something to do with the adrenaline rush caused by the mystery and uncertainty of the situation, but I caught myself grinning, I didn't even realize I was smiling, it was an odd, unfamiliar feeling, but I was madly attracted to this blue angel from the stars. I spoke to her about my life on Earth, and my elaborate suicide plan, and she explained to me that she abandoned her home planet Eridani to conduct galactic research, and that she was from the Altair race. She elaborated on how life on Eridani did not satisfy her, and that she would spend her life roaming around nebulas, exploring galaxies, researching stars, and documenting her experiences. She showed me a star that she claims as hers, a green star called Zohra, which was her favorite star because she said she could only feel happiness when looking at it, to which I said, “It reminds of your eyes” and she looked at me and seemed flattered. She loved that star, her eyes lit up brighter than the star itself when she would stare at it, hypnotized at the sight of it, which I cared little to notice because I couldn’t look away from her. I couldn’t quite understand how someone could be so invested in something like that, something that just sits there spinning and spinning, peacefully participating in the orchestra of the universe. I think she was so fascinated by this object because she felt the same disconnect from others of our kind. The lonely, outcast feeling connected us, ironically, and we carried on intriguing conversation for what felt like an eternity, and I only wish that conversation could've lasted longer. I found in Elora what I had not found in any human being, she understood me, to the point where I was convinced she had mind reading abilities, and her understanding me didn’t diminish her interest in me, like what usually happened to me on Earth. I found happiness in her company, I found salvation in her embrace, I found unparalleled beauty inside and out, and I found myself in our friendship.  As time slowly rolled on my affection for Elora grew increasingly unbearable, and eventually the realization dawned upon me that I had to inform Elora of my feelings for her. We were accelerating towards the Crab Nebula, and I noticed the blurred blue light in the center, wrapped around by streams of red and yellow light, holding the blue heart in the center together. Elora was to me what the red and yellow streams were to the integrity of the Crab Nebula, without those streams, without Elora, my soul would fall apart and disburse, just like the blue light in the center of the Crab Nebula. When I turned, looked her square in her eyes, her gorgeous eyes that were accented by the light emitting from the Crab Nebula, those eyes that pull you in and leave you in a trance, those eyes that display the beauty of nature condensed into two little spheres that seemed to effortlessly gaze inside my soul, breaking down every single wall that I have ever built up to hide myself from other people, and uncover everything I so desperately attempted to hide deep down, and I said to her, “You are the only reason I’m still alive, the only reason I still want to live, the only other soul that accepted my lost, broken soul, you are the most amazing, most beautiful creature born from the stars we now roam around, I tried to die to see what heaven is like, but heaven can wait, because there is nothing more I want than to be with you until the day my soul slips away from my body, I am madly in love with you Elora.” I poured my heart and soul out to her, bleeding out every ounce of passion and love and sophistication to her, exposing every bit of my emotions, leaving me naked and defenseless before her. Different scenarios raced around my head about how she would respond, and she glanced down at the ground, looked back up at my blank face, and she said, “My people do not love, we do not believe in love, and we cannot love. Love, no matter how polarizing it may seem, always fades in time, everything fades in time, love fades in time, ideas fade in time, you will fade in time, I will fade in time, in the end, nothing is perpetual.” My heart sank down into my stomach, and right at that moment I grasped the idea of why they call it “falling in love” because I landed harder than I could even fathom, I did not know that such powerful emotional sorrow could physically hurt so bad. I dropped down to one knee, and the streams of tears ran from my face and splashed down on the ground, like delicate little glass beads shattering as they made contact with the surface, shattering like my heart and soul. The pure agony and embarrassment of staying with the love of my life, whom I had just made an absolute fool of myself in front of, was enough to crush any man’s esteem, so the only rational option I could think of was bail towards my space bubble, and go as far away as I possibly could from the light that saved me. With every inch of separation between her and I, my heart and soul grew sour and stone cold, and new theories to rationalize my reaction and actions that followed. As a child I went to an amusement park, and I was particularly frightened of a certain attraction that lifted you straight up, a couple hundred feet, and dropped you straight down, and now I realize that my fears of love are comparable to this ride. I was so mortified by the ascension, which precedes love, that I could never enjoy the thrill of the fall, even though this time the safety harness didn’t soften the landing. I came to the conclusion, after years of thought, that I could not blame Elora, it was who she was and there was nothing she could do to change that, and instead of accepting the fact that she did not love me, I cowardly abandoned the only thing in my life that I gave a **** about, I ran away from the only other being in the universe that could make me smile the way she made me smile. After years of solidarity and self-loathing I realized that I would much rather spend my life with Elora, even if she didn’t love me, as opposed to regressing back to my lonesome life, only surrounded by a vast, more captivating scene. The only reason I am still alive is because I have not given up hope that one day I will find Elora again, and I will beg for her forgiveness, and hopefully I will be able to cherish every precious moment I spend with her. I solemnly believe that the slim chance will occur that I will once again see that face, gaze into those eyes I once did, and curse my old self for being foolish enough to leave her. I am not certain, but I can only hope that she is at least indifferent to encountering each other once again, but if she denies me I cannot blame her, because after all it is my fault for my impulsive escape. But for now I wander as a nomad amongst the stars that form constellations that all remind me of Elora, watch the planets rotate, and reminisce on the time we shared together, the time I took for granted, time that I consider to be the most precious moments of my life’s experience. I spend most of my time roaming around Zohra, which was where she and I parted ways, in hopes that one day she will return to her favorite star, to find me right there waiting for her, however patience has not served me well, and my actions which I so deeply regret caused her to abandon the star which she claimed as hers, the star that radiated happiness upon her, the magnificent star that embodied her in beauty and essence, to avoid the thought of me leaving her, which is justifiable because she was probably very flustered by me scrambling to leave her after my episode. I rotate around Zohra, observing its physical qualities, seeing Elora’s face every single time I look upon its surface, but one day the light exiting the pores of the planet grew significantly brighter, and Zohra began rotating and shaking at a phenomenally fast speed, and I witnessed Zohra swallow itself in a supernova, creating a black hole. I interpreted this to represent the death of the hope I had to once again see Elora, or maybe time had taken her like time had taken her beloved star. I allowed myself to succumb to the irresistible force from the black hole, and the death of hope I had to once more see the angelic face of my love, swallowed my space bubble and my hollow body occupying it, to the point of no return, where I can no longer regret what I had done to her, because in time, my love for her destroyed me.
Nov 2013 · 817
My Darling Angel
My tongue ties in the presence of an angel like you
I can't say what I want to say, so writing will have to make due
Your hazel eyes, and porcelain skin
So much to say with nowhere to begin
The most elegant woman I've seen by far
Compared to you, they all appear subpar
But attractive appearance does not lie inside
This is why in you I confide
You're funny, sweet, and at times a bit strange
But if I could fix you there isn't a thing I would change
You define perfection, I want you to know
In this dimly lit world, I see your light glow
And when your wings send you flying away
My darling angel, I beg you to stay
Nov 2013 · 448
Synthetic Happiness
You ask me why do I want to die?
Would you enjoy sitting alone to cry?
A pile of bottles, to remind me of my sorrow
Diminishing my hopes for a brighter tomorrow
So I'll smoke, maybe have a drink or more
Praying it makes me feel better than before
But synthetic happiness only lasts so long
Until my esteem requires another pull from the ****
It's funny how my low point sends me so high
So please excuse me, I late to go die
Nov 2013 · 277
Blind Man's Dead
I find it silly to write about love
I find it wild to think about the stars up above
I can't seem to comprehend what appears to be key
A brilliant image before my eyes that I'm unable to see
So I touch, and feel, painting the picture in my head
But there's no use in creating what's already been, oh wait, I'm dead
Nov 2013 · 925
God Sent Us A Poet
Life of the world deteriorating as we know it
Humanity turns to the words of a poet
Who's teachings enlighten those who listen
The rebels of society are the ones who truly glisten
Our short, short life is a magical gift
Like his words which provide a unique uplift
He rejecting ideals of the moral masses
His lectures the lenses to societies glasses
He respects those who apprehend this game
Not the followers who sing praise to his name
His gift now a curse he could no longer bear
"Who am I truly?" He came to declare
Cheap liquor no longer doing it's job
As his self loathing grew deep, he could only sob
He was the idol to many, which he came to shun
Retiring from his practice, with himself he became one
Discovering his identity, finding his true meaning
His quest representing the secret to being
Scorned for living as his true person
Criticized for expressing his feeling of aversion
Towards conforming to the shepherd
Becoming one of the sheep, his deepest fear
Content with his lifestyle, the light would finally appear
He was truly tranquil where he would now reside
But he couldn't resist the nostalgia of his true pride
He wrote one last work which would give hope to the world
Composed with his entire soul, mankind would be swirled
He would be the catalyst of change in these desperate times
Society would be saved by his brilliant poetic rhymes
A poem superior to ones written before
A song of rebirth which the world would adore
But only in death could his work take effect
His grand finale, which he had to perfect
A day to remember, the day he passed
This God-sent man was free, free at last
His last breath taken with utmost peace
He was content with his death, to say the least
This man was my mentor, I couldn't let him go
His hand turned cold as I said "See you again ole fellow"
He will forever be a hero, second to none
Sewing the world together, to now live as one
Grains of sand nestled along the shore
Like the stars in the sky that I can only adore
Seemingly infinite, but nothing will never end
And somehow the star shining beside me, the grain of sand lying next to me, has become my friend
Of all the others I could've been with in space
Fate chose you and I to occupy this place
Close enough to feel your texture, never far enough not to see your light
If I didn't know better I could only define you as a magical sprite
But I've seen you, loved you, and I feel your presence
Only you are able to portray your beauty in essence
If your elegance is not real, and your love in untrue
Well then oh my baby, I don't know what this young man's to do
I can only wish to slip free from reality with you

— The End —