When you lay down
In a swamp disguised as a queen-sized bed
Everything is magnified, and mystified
Dreams stray every which way from here
In these broken and calloused lives
We take devils as wives, and use glances as knives
Turning our heads to needless massacres

When the lights grow dim
We find blood in the wishing well
Every savior is synthesized, and desensitized
A fleeting infancy in exchange for plodding demise
It's time to deny captors pleasure from pain
Because blood rusts chains, and covers us in rain
No longer bound by the rules of the world

There's a fantasy we all share
You know the one I'm talking about
The one where real life doesn't exist
Where cancer evaporates like water
And where anguish isn't even a word

It's the one where she leaves her husband for you
Just because you've loved her now for years
It's the one where your children
See a father that isn't battered and broken down

It's the one where instead of missing the subway
You made it in the nick of time
And the man of your dreams sat right across from you
Reading the Wall Street Journal
And half-smiling the way you've always dreamed he would

It's the one where shadows are empty threats
And the long register of mistakes I've made
Are just pieces of crumpled paper
Discarded on an old, wooden, floor

I trip over another word
Yet I'm suddenly speechless
At the realization that we have no dialogue
My hands begin to quiver at the sounds
Of your voice, and of your name
But suddenly, all is calm here in the dark

I take another drink
Yet I'm suddenly sober
At the realization that there is no going home
My mind starts to swim beyond doubts
Beyond streams, and beyond oceans
But suddenly, there's nowhere left to swim

Our bodies overrode
Every last reasonable thought
A ring encircled your finger
But our love could never be bought
I backed you up against the wall
Passion surging as lips collided
I poured my soul into that kiss
The beat of my heart could not be silent
I ascended into the stratosphere
As I descended further into madness
The more my lips tasted your every paintbrush
The more residue adorned my canvas
Months went by in a single blink
Like a million lightning crashes
My hands explored your every inch
Until we were blind from all the flashes
Bitemarks and dripping sweat
Lovesick lust burning through a fever
"I love you," was whispered in your ear
"I love you too," made me a believer
Wrapping your legs tightly around
As I ****** myself inside of you
I never once stopped to consider
The repercussions of our love's tattoo
You shattered me, tattered me
And tore me completely to shreds
But the way I ****** you, and loved you
We should have never left the bed

Borrowed time.
It's easier to digest when it chokes you before you swallow.
Faceless and undefined.
That's all I am.
That's all I'll ever be.

No.
I will not.
I will not waver.
I will not waver from my purpose.

Circumstances.
They prevent me from patronizing the man in the mirror.
The mirror insults back.
Far better than I do.
Because he's far better than I've come to be.

No.
I will not.
I will not destroy.
I will not destroy the foundation of all I've become.

Petty.
It's so very petty of me to begrudge a man his prize.
I should walk away.
I should have bolted the door years ago.
Tossed the key into the deepest abyss.

No.
I will not.
I will not retrace.
I will not retrace the steps that led me to you.