Far away to reach and hold
Far away to step closer
Fainted smile,fake laugh,tears hide
No longer exist

Where do the dreams that aren't remembered go?
You know those dreams,
the ones that you wake up having a vague idea about,
yet you can't seem to remember it in its entirety.
Where do they go?
Do they go to dream purgatory,
because they weren't good enough to be remembered?
I guess the same goes for people.
All of those lost souls,
who never had anyone.
No one to care for them,
and no one to remember them.
It's my biggest fear.
Being forgettable.
The idea of living my entire life,
just to be forgotten when I die,
it terrifies me.
That isn't my only fear though,
I'm afraid of other things too,
like:
rejection,

                   society,

                                 my own reflection.
However,
next time I lay down to sleep,
I will try my hardest to remember those dreams,
because I know someday,
I will be one of them.
Sitting with the worry of
Being forgotten,
lonely,
orphaned.
Waiting patiently for the night to pass
and another opportunity to rise,
so that maybe this time,
I'll be good enough.
Memorable enough.

I like to dream.
Everyone does though I suppose.
I don't dream in the sense that you'd probably think.
Not when I sleep.
Lord knows I do enough of that,
but I'm incapable of dreaming at night,
I think that's why I sleep so much.
Each time I lay down I pray that,
Just one single,
lonely dream will come.
It doesn't though.
I keep trying though,
day after day,
and I promise I'm not just giving an excuse for me taking so many naps.
Although I do,
I'll admit that.
But since I don't dream when sleep,
I settle for dreaming when I'm awake,
some call it daydreaming.
I make up these situations in my mind,
where I'm happy beyond belief.
I imagine that I'm in an empty field,
running free.
I imagine I'm up in space,
with the stars.
A place that I've admired for so long,
I imagine I'm there.
Far away from this place,
and the hurt that exists here.
I'm not going to say I hate my life,
because that would be a lie.
I'm simply going to say that I'm not satisfied with my life.
There are so many places I'd rather be than down here,
with gravity pinning me to this
seemingly two dimensional place.
I imagine sitting and conversing,
with all of my idols.
Smoking a joint with Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix,
sitting down to tea with Cass Elliot and John Lennon.
Imagining what it would be like,
to be extraordinary like them.
Then I come back to the present,
as my teacher wraps up his lecture,
and remember where I am.
Then,
I once again accept that fact that I'll have to keep leading this ordinary life,
hoping for the chance one day to escape,
to the stars,
or maybe the moon,
the place that doesn't
hold me down,
and make me keep my feet on the ground.
The place where I can fly,
and dance,
and love,
and sing,
and dream.
Endlessly.

She walked home
in the rain and snow.
Indecisive sky she used to know
now etched with buildings
burning slowly at their core.
Termites wanting more.
I lost my power cord.
There is a bug in the system
because she's always bored
always running
up hill
on the treadmill.
Can't catch a break
or a breath.

They say that music uses your whole brain,
Lights it up like phosphorescence.
For a moment you're either brilliant or insane,
Distilled from all your pain right to the essence.

Ever felt the cut of a cold winter day?
So frigid that it's crystal clear like a frozen pond.
Ever wish your every feeling far away
And all your thoughts and longings dead and gone?

I woke up on a day like that, naive,
And felt the frozen sun reach through my window,
Ready in my ignorance to believe
That only changing seasons abruptly go.

As the sun had set in rings of red
And bled across the silent snow to darkness,
As the bruising blues of brutal nighttime spread
And shimmered shadows over all the rest,

The burning soul behind sad eyes, it choked and guttered,
Flickering like a candle in the rain.
And battered and abused, a heartbeat stuttered,
Shuttered in a mind unwilling to explain.

A scalding form among the frost blooming like flowers,
Silent and arrayed in lacy snow,
Passed away the last of all her hours,
Numb, full of surrender and alone.

As I'd layed me down that night to rest,
I had a sudden painful urge to pray.
Didn't know quite how- I had to guess.
But I knelt, puzzled, to do it anyway.

They say that when you watch a ballerina dance
Your body tenses like you're dancing too.
I pity those who never spare a glance,
For it fades quickly as all other beauties do.

I marveled tears upon my pale cheeks as I spoke,
And we both shut our eyes at once to dreams.
But in the cold sun only one of us awoke,
And shook off death in wispy silver beams.

You never know what you have done by living here
Until you stumble into the void of what you've been.
On an ice cold silent night with Christmas near,
She closed her eyes forever and I never lived again.

That feeling of disappointment
that starts in your brain and leaks down to your chest
knowledge that you have done wrong
pools along your frame and freezes like spring ice:
thin and dangerous and unexpected.
But it squeezes out of your eyes hot and fast and shameful
like how blue blood turns red when it hits air.
Saturated with anxiety, lungs pulling in atmosphere
to try and dry you out
But the ice is seeping into your bones
Down your arms and into your fingertips
so that the world collapses; no, you are trembling.
Realization increases, as does your heart rate
This pain is no longer in your mind, it is physical
it is attaching to your cells, voiding oxygen and
It pours through your veins, absorbed by your muscles
Until to the tips of your toes are frozen
A frost covers your skin in the lightest of ways
You still can't get enough space between your chest
and your heart and your lungs are collapsing and
you can't move or you'll break and
blood is now regret.

Come to the fire darling
A lullaby for you

A tale of woe
And feelings
Azure blue

With this 4/4 beat
I'd lay it all down
In a half note
Sung clear and true

Hearts flutter by

Be it sunset/sunrise
Meet me here.

Fly butterfly

Melancholy
Breaks its shell
In fear of you

Ghosts wafting by
Cry to their mothers.
Scared like the serpent
Of God's everlasting power.

The northern lights shine for you.

I shine just as bright for you.