I am happy
Since you said yes
My days have been brighter
And my nights shorter...

Now I fear
Of spending them without you

I fear of looking at the sky
Knowing you belong to a different time zone.
Far from my arms to hold

I am afraid of losing you.  
Of me being lost.

And this ruins me everytime

Promise me you'll stay.

Don't pity me my dear
Of my dreadful past
Or of my wounds that reveal
My emotions at last

When I glance at you
Every so now and then
And I see you smile back
Don't feel sorry for me again

Or when I try to express
My words of few
Don't pity me my dear
Don't feel sorry for you too

I know healing is what you need
Not another mistake
And I know the confusion it brings
And I know my rightful place

So all I ask is for you
To smile back like you do
You have nothing to fear
Pity me not, my dear.

I am either zero or one hundred
Nothing in between.
I either put you on a pedestal
Or the dirt hole you belong
You can be a goddess in my eyes
Or a *****. I don't care.

I miss holding you close to my chest
I miss the warmth of your embrace
I miss the faint smile you wear on your lips,
  whenever I kiss you on your cheeks.

I miss the way we both
  take away our pain
  ease our burdens
  replenish our strength
  and take our breaths away
while interlocking our bodies to rest.

To my darling, I bid you fly
As high as the wind may take.
Where the arrows of thy dreams collide,
And thy goodness becomes not just better, but great.

And seize your every moment
To save this world,
For this is what thy heart desires
So save every morning, every dew drop, every tree,
Thy shall never grow faint nor tire.

But when thy heart feels it needs
A place to be found, or to be free...
Or when the day comes when thy have finished thy task...
Remember that thy heart belongs to me.

And on that day, thy shall find
Myself waiting through the passage of time
Remember this truth, remember this rhyme
Remember that I am yours, and that you are mine.

I need to forget you
like how the day forgets the night
how the drought forgets the rain
and the blind forgets his sight

I need to lose you
like a villain losing his sanity
like nakedness losing its dignity
like amnesia losing its memory

I need to forget you
I need to lose you
for the last time...
I need you.

Save me this night
Oh hallows that grin
My fears have gathered
And rebeled within
At my weakest I clinch
And thump my chest
To remind me to breathe
My deepest regrets
My wailing eyes have rejected
The providence declared
And my wounds are opened
My blood has been shed
So I clinch again
My chest has never felt so tight
Please I beg all of you
Come save me tonight.

She said that I should make
new friends while I spend
The next 24 hours away
from the noises inside my head

So tonight I will meet Mrs. Moon
As she smiles back at me
The Stars will say hi
Introducing their friend: Night sky

I will try to make amends
with my prosecutor: Past
And to try to visit my adversary: Fears
With its cohorts:
Unknown and Future

So that by tomorrow,
I can set an appointment
with my companion: Peace
and her brother: Courage

But little will she know
That I will also be thinking of her.. tonight.

Shhh! no one listens
To you oh weary soul
They too have their own burdens
So you must carry your cross alone

Shhh! no one cares
To walk with you in your darkness
Oh how you would've showcased
Your shattered feeling of unrest

Shhh! no one demands
To hear your lousy side of the story
You are but a king turned to a beggar
An unimportant, forgotten memory

And Shhh! Thou must hide
And cover yourself with mud
It is ***** but fitting
To your tarnished blood!

Alas! no one hears
Or cares what you will end up to be
Alas! My heart be strong...
For in solitude you must be.

It wasn't explained
And you were left
Thinking it was all your fault
Or that you didn't measure up
To her expectation.

So you stand there amazed, aghast, alone.
As the trauma hits you slowly.
You wanted to cry, or to shout, or to do both.
Yet you remain still...
Trying to comprehend
The reality you are now forced into.
As tears gently kiss your cheeks
Down to your shrivelled lips
Mumbling sounds
Trembling chest of unbelief
As your heart wants to break out of his cage
And try to run into her arms
As she slips away

It was too much

So you end up making
Your own sense of this nonsense
And try to rationalize the gravity of this predicament.

I need a hiatus tonight
A place to rest my head
As a night of forecasted shadows
Looms my weary bed

A place of tranquility and peace
As I beseech my soul to bow
As I fervently wipe away
This poison from my brow

And there will I forget
These loud noises that accuse
My worhtless importance as a brother
Of a son who once was mused

For my enemy has stolen and destroyed me
Now it tries to **** my treacherous life
I beg thee to forgive me
I beg thee to end my strife.

Oh hiatus I need thee
Whilst I'm shutting down tonight

I want to bellow my heartaches
to the world while it sleeps
Even when no one is listening
even if by myself I weep

To bawl my woes for the nth time
while over the moon I howl
whispering cries and shouting vows,
incantations, and silent growls!

Tonight my pipes are unheard
while I cover myself to speak
my solace where art thy wingless noise
my poisoned brows are yours to keep.

Skipping beats
Skipping beats
Skipping beats

I think I'm falling, again.

Skipping beats
Skipping beats
Skipping...

Hush your voice
Which cometh from within
Count the beat of thy heart
And listen.

Pray to God to forgive thy mistakes
As we do the same to our foes... And ourselves.

Then.

Close thy eyes
And see
Your deepest wiles engulfed in dreams
For there thyself is free
And there they shall forever be...

Then breathe...
Take them all in.
  Thy faults
   Thy pain
      Thy virtues
        Thy past
For nothing in reality will last
This is thy vocation, thy task.

And before you close the light so bright...
Smile and think of me
Saying:
Sleep well tonight.

I want to hold you close
while my fingertips
slowly drips
through your skin

with the gentlest of touch
from our lips
swaying movements from our hips
as we melt in this soiree.

Slow dancing
in this tune
on a rainy afternoon
we begged ourselves to stay.

In my solitude I still weep
  tears of unending wiles
  poisoned memories that I keep
  to hide the truth within my lies

In the confides of my room
In the coldness of my night
Away from the heat of the noon
Away from everyone's sight

For in pain I have built
my walled city from within
with its rooms, filled with guilt
and secrets that are unseen

I still cry not because they hurt
I cry because they're there
I cry to recognize their worth
not to wander too long in despair

In solitude I still weep
to lull myself to sleep

There is no rhyme, no feeling, no despair
Compared to loving and not receiving
In the world of love, they say it's unfair
No matter what side, you end up losing.
For in the days of sunlight, you fear rain
So in the darkest hour you cry alone
What was once pride has now turned into shame
What was once yours is no longer your own.
But heart, do not set forever, be wise
For slowly and surely you will survive
And wake up to find love that would suffice
Though unrequitted before... You will strive.
For though you have been hurt, you will heal too,
And in healing you'll find true love for you.

My drunken head
On my lonely bed
I retire myself in fear
I retire dreaming you're here.

On my lonely bed
With my spinning head

Building walls
  to keep the predators out
brick by brick
  each layer sorted out

A fortress for my castle
  sturdy without a doubt
to withstand the awful shadows
  to contain the silence after every shout

Building these walls
  to keep the predators apart.
But how do I protect myself
from the enemies living inside my heart?

Building walls
  to keep the predators out
brick by brick
  each layer sorted out

A fortress for my castle
  sturdy without a doubt
to withstand the awful shadows
  to contain the silence after every shout

Building these walls
  to keep the predators apart.
But how do I protect myself
from the enemies living inside my heart?

Will thou be there?
Oh Great Wind of the south...
to cover my leaves that bear
the fruits which my soil hath abound?

Will thou be there?
Oh Sun, the ever so bright...
to give me reason to shade
a passerby, a child.

Will my seed bear
the fruits of my tomorrow...
the fulfillment of my dreams...
the laughter of my sorrows...

Will thou abound?
When my poetry cease
to scatter my thoughts...
to scatter my will.

Will thou be there?
Oh Great, Mighty One?
Will thy great branches
cover my lonely arms...
When dawn breaks
through the passage of my tonight
will my heart still say
"I did what was right?"

circa 2015

I want
to silently
break
down

Heart beats fast as I said hello
Another date with the unknown
What if she sees through me?
Will my darkness be shown?

Cupid's arrow has a poisoned tip
And he's taunting me to play his game
And heaven is silent and exasperated
As my lips try to mumble her name.

I honestly need a break
From my mind's weary eerie lie
Shoulders tensed, in this I confess
I'm afraid to lose again in this life

Thank you
For sharing with me
This wonderful time with your family
For knowing your daughter
For allowing me to take her to school
And cuddling her at night.
For your mom's warm
Home cooked meals
For showing me your dreams
For your once warm embrace...
Thank you.

But I will never forgive you
I will always hate you
For breaking my heart.

The beast and the trainer roamed around
The stage where lights and people abound
The crowd cheered as they each gain, for the beast: respect, for the trainer: fame.

The beast and the trainer, both actors they were,
And the world was astonished as they watched and stared
"Look! The trainer is better than before!"
Everyone loved the trainer more.

For the trainer could do what he wanted to do,
And the beast just followed through and through
They mocked the beast up to their heart's delight
So the beast turned his back away from their sight.

And the beast walked away in shame,
For he was tired of people calling him names,
"What they don't know..." he said quietly,
"Is that I surrendered and sacrified willfully."

For the beast loved the trainer after all,
Tis' the reason why he gave his all.

The soup was cold
The veggies were bland
The meat, mediocre
The dessert was placed
    in a paper cup.


But my heart is full
Because I am spending this special day with you.

I love you

Split between
Your warm embrace and your sweet smile
Is the ever lingering thought of "Will you ever truly be mine?"
When you say you love me
And then say that we wouldn't last long
Is the piercing sensation
Of proving you wrong.
But your intimacy has left
And this pushes me back
I am left to think
That you are at your end... While I am still on track.
But you say you love me
So I give my love still
For it is just who I am,
and what I am capable of doing

So it kills me every waking hour

Let me just end with that.

I see the sky
    as empty as the sky
is the feeling I experience
everytime we say "good night" ,"God bless" and "see you tomorrow"

So empty as the night sky

I see the wind
as cold as the wind
is the feeling I get
when you and I part ways
the feeling is there everytime I turn back
and see you move away.

Like the wind that's here for a moment

we see each other not as often as we used to,
not as long as we used to,
yet... somehow we get along.

But it seems that I can't be used with the feeling
of having you for a moment
missing you through the night
and longing for you every morning
yet... somehow we get along

I love you Vanessa... in any and every aspect of you.

Then...

I remember our love,
growing like flowers,
free, as the wind, sun and moon
played with it.
as plain as a flower
as fragrant as a flower
is the love that you gave
--thank you--
you could have given me a ****,
and it would still mean the world to me


with loving thoughts of you
Chris

The hopeless romantic
When I say I’m a hopeless romantic, feel free to criticize, scrutinize and vandalize my words…
But remember that they are nothing compared to the intensity of my true emotions, my dear.
For this hopeless romantic feels, dreams, hopes and cares too much, too much for you.
I feel you everytime I see you, and see you even if were far away.
For distance is never measured by miles or kilometers, it can never be scored by the spacial differences between inches or light years…distance, is always dependent on how close our hearts are. And how close are we my love?
I dream of you even when I am awake, and in my dreams I clearly see you wrapped within my arms in the midst of the world’s chaos. And in spite all that, there is peace found in between our embrace. As quiet, tranquil and silent words hush our doubts and fears. For fear is captured in a prison called freedom, a freedom only found inches away from our heavy breathing.

For this hopeless romantic fears, dreads, gropes and cries too much, too much for you.

My senses were alive
The smell of the air
The smell of your hair
Your skin touching mine
My cheeks resting upon yours

Time froze and I held
As tight as I could
As long as I could
I poured my breath
And summoned my every strength

To let you go.

Another one closes and shuts
I am over the fence...
whether to be relieved, or to leave
Or to be a friend

At least the boundaries were set
and yes, we did try
though the trial was brief,
it was definite in her eyes

Closing another chapter is both
bitter and profound
both scarring and joyous  
but the pain remains some how

We were sipping the night away,
with paper cups and mini stops
as the evening turned to dawn
and my smirks hide my tear drops.

There are many nights like this night
when the warmth of the air
reminds me of the warmth
found in the solace of your embrace

When the stillness of the blackened sky
embodies the emptiness of my soul

and the moon beams...
nothing but broken dreams.

As I, being left alone, hide behind
the bars of my lonely window...
mourning til dawn.

Till I bear them no more.
And no one's the witness,

Except this night.

The train of destiny
Has carried you
My love, has it carried you
Away, and far, and fast!
It has carried with it:
My dreams, and left me
     With agony
My hopes, and left me
     With fear
My strength, and left me
     With void

Oh the train of destiny
Has carried my Love
Carried my Love away

But the sad reality is...
She chose to not stay.

Don't stare at me now
with those eyes that pierce my shallow soul
For with the same breath and length
you WILL also hurt my all

Never try to attempt to fill my hole
lest in your heartless, selfless mind
ploy to gut out my innermost self
leaving me nothing behind.

Ah! the pain in my past is catching
upon my saddened life rebuild
neither having nor losing you  
will suffice my void unfilled

Loving and being loved
starting over again
knowing someone worthy
someone more than a friend
Feeling her heart next to mine
In the chill of the night
whilst her arms wrap around me
holding me tight
Remembering her quirks and dislikes
being used like a tool
building a universe around her
exposing myself like a fool
Giving love another chance
giving love another toast
these are the things
that I fear the most.

Once, we met in our old secret place
Under the sea of stars
You can feel from your back...
the blanket of clouds dancing in the air
the pulse of emotion
captive stories that shouts freedom from imprisoned hearts

That night, the crickets were silent
the trees stopped swaying
I silenced the entire universe to listen
to you...
And on that day, I knew you.

You told me stories of your past
I answered the hows and the whens
the whos and the wheres
your happiest and saddest experiences

I will never forget that night.

When your finger hushed you lips already trembling in cold
And the moment you opened you mouth
The floor you were lying on became a stage...
where you began to sing.
I listened
to the beat,
the beat,
the beat,
the beat of your heart
under your voice as you enunciate your words
of the lyrics of a familiar song
which we had both written
and I listened to your every little word
every little breath
the highs and the lows
In every whisper and every shout
The world was shouting with you
but I listened to no one but you
because I know
that on that night you didn't need promises
you didn't need gifts
you didn't need praises
you didn't need roses from anyone's mouth
or flattering words
I know what you need is a pair of ears who will listen
so I listened...

While you were telling stories about your favorite childhood toy
that one time you cried in a singing contest because you were nervous
about the first love that you had
I listened to you.

I listened to you because
I love you
If you failed to hear it the first time we met
I will say it again
"I love you"
And this is not the same love that you hear from the world
this is the love that is the most genuine of all...
the love that will listen to you

So tell me how you discovered love
and I will tell you how I created love
so tell me how they hurt you
and I will tell you how they humiliated me,
how they beat me,
how they crucified me
and how I agreed to all of this because of a promise
Remind me how many times you were lost
and I will remind you how many times I searched
remind me how many times you failed
and I will remind you how many times I embraced you

Show me that you are ready to trust
that you are ready to love
and I will show you how to pray...

So don't be afraid to tell me

I am listening to you, I understand
because I know what it feels
to be unheard


One time...
I saw you in our secret place
underneath the sea of stars
you can feel from your back
the blanket of clouds dancing in the wind
the pulse of emotions...
captive stories that shouts freedom from imprisoned hearts

But on that night
on that night...
the crickets were all angry
trees' branches were swaying unceasingly
the whole universe was making noises for you
and on that day...
I held you in my arms
but your numb body failed to realize I was there
I said "I love you"
but you did not listen to me
you would rather listen to the world
the world that says "You are ready to love, if you are ready to get hurt."
But always remember this:
Not every wounded heart fought the right battle.

Now there is a battle happening in your heart...
tell me about them...
and I will listen.

They say...
That it is foolish to believe
That love would stay through the distance

They say...
It is but foolish to believe
That love would endure time.

It is also illogical
To latch onto someone
Knowing that the wall which divides you
Is both impenetrable, and obscure.

Maybe it is.
Maybe love is...
Illogical.

But everytime I remember
Your eyes looking at me,
I believe.
Everytime I remember your touch that pierces my skin,
I hope.
Everytime I close my eyes, I know that I have closed the distance between us.
And our farewells are long forgotten...

Because,
I.
Love.
You.

And it is illogical like they say.

I hope next time, I will be happy
I hope next time that my destiny meets your light,
the darkness caused by the pain of the past will fade.

I hope we will not cry like this anymore.

I hope the hurt will completely change.

I hope my world will also be your world.

And I hope our every night will have no sorrow.

Because I want to prepare,
A heaven for my love,
so that when you come,
your joy will be complete.

I hope.

I hope that next time...
We will no longer shed a tear

I'm not a nice guy because I have to be. I am a nice guy by choice.

Make no mistake
I have seen the darkness in my mind
I have searched for the monster within
I have allowed our souls to entwine
instead of trying to fight and win.

Make no mistake.
That my kindness is but a choice
My goodness is but an objection
My gentleness, my calm voice
are selected impulses, not a reaction.

Breathe, Chris

Breathe.




This too
Shall pass

And at the end of it all
She said goodbye
And he found his missing piece...
Their lives move on
And tonight he knows
His world is at peace...

One down, a thousand more
The demons of his past
The hauntings they have brought
Will slowly come to naught...
  AT THE END OF IT ALL.

When all I ever needed was you.
When all I ever yearned for is your presence.
When all this void can only be filled with your love.
When your whisper is the only sound that catches my attention.

I buried them all...
Or so I think.
Or so I wished.
And I have left them
Half-heartedly
... Or so I say.

You visited me one night,
Oh my old friend
It was shorter than before
But my tears lasted longer than usual.

It was nice seeing you
Though this time in my dream
And it was all but a glance
Of what we used to be.

For the death of what we had
Gave you peace
And in return,
It gave me nothing but fear.

My old friend, I missed you

Your loss to me my dear
Has much worth
As a pound of salt

It could've been more valuable
Had we lived centuries ago
It could've burdened me
Had we added the weight
  Of time spent together
And it could've hurt me
Had I allowed you within my abyss.

But as it stands
You are just a pound of salt
In an ocean vast and wide.

Sana sa susunod
Ako naman ay sumaya
Sana sa muling pagtatagpo
Ng aking tadhana
Sa iyong liwanag
Ay tuluyan nang mapawi ang dilim
Na dinulot ng mapait na nakaraan.

Sana hindi na tayo
Luluha ng ganito

Sana ang sakit
Ay tuluyang magbago

Sana ang mundo ko
Ay sya ring mundo mo

At sana ang bawat gabi nati'y
Wala ng dalamhati

Pagkat nais kong ihanda
Ang langit ng aking pagsinta
Para sa iyong pagpunta
Ay makumpleto na ang iyong ligaya

Sana

Sana'y sa susunod
Hindi na tayo ang luluha

I need a poisonous tip
one that is as sharp
as the tongues of these mockers
shouting in my ears.

I need a hallow soul
with an emptiness...
as vast as the crevasse
found in my heart.

I need a knife,
a blunt knife,
to slowly feel its edges
cut open my skin

until it causes
my heart
until it causes
my soul

to cease to exist.

For what is life but a series of unfathomable events...
leading us astray?

for quite some time now i have been wondering how great men would think, plan and excute things.
what i should've been focusing on is his character.
The battles he fights regularly
his emotional strenghts
his weaknesses.
for he faces them everyday, until the day that his physical body ceases to exists
yet he still remains.

what makes him strong?
though he knows that he is still weak?
though he knows that some of his decisions were fatal, to say the least...
what makes him strong enough to face tomorrow?
or to face his friends and smile?

what makes him push forward
when everything around him:
his friends, relatives, situation
is running the other way...
what makes him walk an extra step? though his kness could've given up
1000 meters ago?

what makes him tick?
is it his pure will
and guts
and instinct?
or maybe, just maybe
he has gotten used to this battle...
that his body is moving involuntarily, to do what is right in the eyes of God
so what makes him tick?

when he is down, and his heart is frail...
what makes him smile?
surely it isnt a fake one
though crying would have been the easier option...
and quitting could have been the easier way out.

how much passion does he have?
so that he could withstand the coldness of every grim
... of being alone in his decisions...
what intensifies him? is it the goal?

what makes a man?
so that he could be strong willed
enough to make sacrifes again
and again and again
that though the earth beneath him is shaking, he still stands firm

so what makes a man... to become a rightful inheritor
of this gift...
which is called "calling"?

i know, i will not age
and lose my eyesight
before i see...
truly see...
and understand
what makes a man.

What's it like?

It is:
Bitter sweet,
Like sunrise when she's here, but like sunset at the same time, knowing it is but temporal.

It is:
A time bomb
Wrapped around your body
Yet you gladly embrace every ticking second, breathing it in, knowing it may be the last

It is:
The whisper of every shout
The cry of every smile
And the ending to every tale.

It is illogical.
It is love to the fullest whimsical degree.

Thank you for saving this poor old soul
tired and trembling on my knees
dazed and puked from spinning around
trapped in a cycle was me

In an untimely manner in this unlikely world
you came and brought life and glee
now we spend each day with promises held
there's now hope in thine eyes I see

Thank you for saving this poor old soul
thank you for saving me

An empty space looms around
and violence shakes the underground
I search with hope, but none can be found
with voiceless cries I shout without a sound

And every glance that pierces me
reminds me of why I am not free
and every mutter seems like spells
of scrutiny cast from it's wells.

No rhyme no rhythm no symphony
can ease the burden of my agony
and the tales of providence that people see
are nothing compared to the emptiness in me

Oh how each day seems bleak and blue
since the day that I lost You
My hope, my pride, my teardrop burst
That's when I knew that it hurts

A friend asked why I dance? This was my reply:

I dance because...
It is the thump in my heart beat
It is the strength of my morning sun
It is the exhale of my inhale
The filter of my lungs
The connection to this world
My land of peace in my world of chaos
It is...
The quiet whisper of my soul
  Intently hidden behind my smile

Why do I dance?
Because with it I take off my mask
With it I become one with life and the living...