I want to get inside my
'02 ******* - roller coaster when it turns - car
and drive so fast
that the wind supplies my breathes.
My hair strangles my neck
and eyes,
gets stuck to the creases of my mouth
and my heart creates
an arrhythmia from
the combination of
excitement and anxiety.

I slept from 3 PM to 8 AM
and my friends want me to go out, today, with them.
No one has a clue.
I'm Blue Da Ba Dee Da Ba - Blue.

"Sure, I'll go."
(Nah, no...)
I'll stay home, listen to Spotify.
Punk rock and play my terrible music.

I hear voices and have visions -- scenarios.
There is an antenna on my head
and I'm a backseat driver forced to hear this dumb stereo...
Play the same station over and over and over.

"I'll just jump out of the car, better on the pavement than this."
Delusional ******...
What came first?
The drugs or the hurt?

Stay Away:
I taste bitter and sour.
And you will burn into ash.
I will love you
and then take your heart and go
SMASH!

I hold all the cards...
But why am I only showing
the bad ones?
I see your eyes and what they are saying.
You are ready to leave...

Why do I create so much chaos?
I do it all by myself.
Then, like always,
Everyone runs away from me.
And I feel relieved.

I'm picking out my teeth,
one by one.
Cavities from all that sweet,
sweet contin candy.
I need a special hell,
to make my medicine work.
Late nights mixed with
Brandy.

Will the weather ever get better
inside my head?
Can these thoughts, formed as prison bars, dissipate?
I'm not sure how much longer I can entertain the monster.