Just The Way It Is

Sitting watching the time go by,
tears dripping from my eye,
another day wondering why.
Can't handle another day of this,
memories that I can't dismiss,
falling deeper into the abyss.
Nothing ever goes my way,
so many bills left to pay,
this all sounds so cliche.
Hazel eyes turning black,
can never get any slack,
maybe it's time to see my quack.
Life on a downward spiral,
not a person left to dial,
down Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Up ***** creek with no paddle,
life is nothing more than a baffle,
riding a race horse with no saddle.
I'm bewildered and dumbfounded,
with my demons, I'm always surrounded,
can't move, feels like I'm grounded.
With each passing day, it gets worse,
somebody please break this curse,
wishing life would go in reverse.
Start over from the beginning,
go back to the very first inning,
can't stop my head from spinning.
Wanna die, but to afraid,
pro's and con's, I have weighed,
like usual, I am dismayed.
This thing called life, I just can't figure,
the hole I dug, can't get no bigger,
no guts to pull the trigger.
Instead, I will just go on living,
never taking, but always giving,
can't fathom any type of meaning.
As I bid you a fond farewell,
my secrets, I will never tell,
life sure is a living hell.

I am the ghost
of a girl you once claimed to love;
my dead hands

reaching,
asking,
begging

for a piece of your soul
to wallow in forever.

There will come a time when you are sick
of trying to understand my mind
and my wrists.

I was never myself when I did this.

If I were part of the ocean
I would be the shallows;
the cold tide that people walk all over

reaching,
asking,
begging

to pull people in
but never getting close enough.

I was never myself when I did that.

I plead,
help me live once again
as something new born and blind;
blind to the atrocities of humanity,
but all seeing to life and love.

Love,
the only thing that could ever constitute
as sacred;
a relentless, chemical energy
that turns you in to a fool in all the right ways.
A substance more intelligent
than any apparent genius.
Oh, how the love

reaches,
asks,
begs

to confine me,
and oh, sweet love;
how I let you fill my lungs.

I was never myself when I was with you.

I’ve held hands with pain,
kissed every frozen fingertip
and I found my worship in ethanol and ash
before I found it in between
your lips and mine.

You changed me in all the worst ways,
causing me to start a war with my skin,
causing me to see my own reflection
as something unrecognisable,
something I never wanted to be.

I was never myself.

I made the mistake of building a home
out of a human being
and he was so riddled with wanderlust;
a nomadic masterpiece who couldn’t stay,
but should’ve stayed.

I’ve never felt so homesick.

I’m tired of tearing away my skin
and revealing the heart inside me
to people that are incapable of loving anything
other than themselves
and their sadness.

I crave for someone
to look at me as though
they can see my soul
more than they can see my skin.
I crave for someone
to see
what I wish to see.

More than anything,
I crave to see me:

*strong,
magnificent,
and beautiful.

Just saw a man carrying an end of times sign
Said we'd all be finished off at a quarter past nine
I figure before all hope is lost
I'd better do some things I've been putting off

Like the house could use a fresh coat of paint
Will that leaky faucet fix itself, I tend to think ain't
If that man with the sign knows this is true
Then I don't have much time to do what I need to do

I need to have the oil changed in the car
If the worlds gonna end it won't get me far
I should also send a letter to Mom
In case she hasn't heard what's going on

I've also been meaning to learn how to play
The electric guitar...hope I'm not to late
If the end of the world is really what's going on
Then I'd better hurry cause I haven't got long

Guess  I'll cut the grass that's knee high
Trim the bushes so in the end the place will look nice
Of course I'll have no neighbors around to blame me
For not having the best looking lawn on the street

I should wash the dog...the best  I can figure
Though we'll be long gone outta here his smell for years will linger
I've got to hurry cause if the end really does come
There's only a couple hours left to get it all done

I'm a man of many faces
I've carved out over time
I carry them around with me
In a leather bag strapped to my side

Usually I'll leave it up to others
How it is they set the mood
The way we interact
To what face it is I choose

I have a face I use for concern
One I have that looks deep in thought
I'm still working on the one that looks like it's in love
But I'm not sure I'll use it a lot

I've got one that's fairly happy
It's taken years to carve it out
Five different ones in stages of sadness
Two that are riddled with doubt

I hold onto one that no longer fits me
I haven't worn in quite some time
It's the face that I was born with
The innocence of a child

One I've carved over and over
Cause I wear it out all the time
It's the one with the look of disbelief
When it gazes on the state of mankind

I have a face with which I greet strangers
One I use with friends
Also a face that says I'm sorry
If I need to make amends

But there is one I don't carry with me
The face I leave at home
For when I lock my door at night
It's the face I call alone...

Dear Friend...
At times I am afraid for you
That your hiding from the truth
In the words you constantly use

Dear friend...
You dig deep in your soul in what you say
Instead of giving the pain a home
You need to give the pain away

Dear Friend...
If you'll permit me here to say
Your worth so much more than "the you"
That your poetry portrays

Dear Friend...
Hold up to the light the words you wrote
Try and shine a line or two
With a tiny ray of hope

Dear Friend...
After that is done I think you'll see
That what you thought was lost
*You only set it free

I'm no writer.
No artist,
No scientist,
No mathematician.
I'm not a genius.
No Galileo,
No Einstein,
No Freud.
I am who I am.
Weird,
Self-conscious,
Caring.
I may not be rich,
Or own an expensive car,
Or buy expensive clothing,
Or live in a glorious home filled with expensive belongings.
I am happy where I am,
With what I have,
With who is with me,
With my life.
I've learned that the most important things
Are not materials,
Not who owns how much of what,
Not how much smarter he is than she.
I believe the most important things
Are what we love,
Who we love,
And the love we have for ourselves.
And I believe
That believing all of this
Is what makes life important.

*jm

And I wish you would know that
I know how you feel.
How I know what you've been through.
And how I've been through it
Too.
Because then we might talk,
Shattering unscratched glass with the first sentence,
"What did you get for Number Seven?"
You would say, "Negative eleven, just factor..."
Maybe one day you'd text me and
Ask what the homework was
Because our teacher didn't tell you
From when you were sick.
And eventually, after tons of small talk,
After "How's the weather?"
Got old,
I could finally tell you
That I know.
I'd tell you that
I'm here, not the fake kind of here,
Which sounds like,
"I-know-and-I'm-here-and-you-can-talk-to-me-goodbye-forever­."
Not like that.
But the kind of here
That asks what ****** about your day,
And sends you links to cat videos,
And the kind of here
That texts you at two in the morning
And asks if you're alright
And doesn't take yes for an answer.

I'm feeling so up these days
I hope your down with that

Things have seemed to turn out right
Since my girlfriend left me

She moved up North
When our relationship went South

I'm a grown man
But I'll miss her calling me baby

Her sweet mother was
A Drill Sargent in the Army

Her family always ordered
Breakfast at dinner time

Then one day my girl did eat
Ketchup on her hot dog

At that very moment
Was the beginning of the end for me

Who doesn't know Ketchup goes on a burger!
Mustard goes on a hot dog!
Am I right!? Uh? Well am I!
Oh I'm sorry...where was I?

Oh yea, one more thing...
Her father liked to smile upside down

I called it a frown
But he called it the way he felt about me...