Somehow some way, I had t in my head that you'll snap back into that person you where one day. I realize I can't turn back time, you'll never change, you've ****** yourself up and the life we had is completely over, I have just as much luck as finding a four leaf clover. Maybe I won't have as much fun with anyone as I did with you but it's for the better , I have to man up and seel how I feel in a letter. They say people change but memories don't, I've tried to help but you won't let me, you shut me out, make me cry, all you ever do is lie that you'll become clean now I have no other choice but to be mean because you make me this way, you call me up demanding ***, ******* other men for ****, it's somehow all my fault you're a complete mess. You spend weeks ghosting me, then show up at my door with a new trick to manipulate and fool me again, I'm sick of the games, I'm tired of the lies that day you went and hit the pipe was the day you and I died.

When everything is not how it is supposed to be, it's all better inside inside my dreams. Where you're back around and actually clean, reality hurts but memories don't leave.

Summer is coming again, to you I'm dead and no longer care for me. But our baby is a reminder of who we used to be.

I wish that the person you once were would come knocking on the door and take us on and adventure once more. You'd rather lie, sneak around and get high and I'm just left here to cry. All I have left of of you is a baby attached to my hip, he has your eyes, ears, hair and lips. He's the only thing that reminds of who we used to be I hope one day you'll open your eyes and see... The family you've torn apart. Times may have changed but didn't leave my heart.

I hate whoever gives you drugs, I hate whatever drives you to do them and what makes them so special. I miss the old you, the person who wasn't coming around high and smelly. I miss the adventures we used to have during the summer, spending the nights together, eating pizza in your car in front of the lake at 2 am when you'd wake me up and take me out of my apartment, spend the night at your house and wake up next to each other. Now I just lay around crying and worried you'll end up dead in a ditch somewhere or in a jail cell. The only thing I have left of you is your baby kicking and you may not be around to see him come out because you're too busy getting baked in your fantasy world not giving a **** about the important things. The worst part is that if I told you any of this you wouldn't care enough to hear it when you're too far gone to hear me plea.

Maybe she makes you feel better when you embrace her essence, maybe that is why you storm in and out of my presence. We spent every day together through summer heat and leaves in the fall, winter comes and I'm left with vague answers and no phone call. The streets at night is where you ponder, high off her love as I lay in bed and wonder... will you come around when the day comes and I finally birth your only son? Or will you still be on the run? You claim that becoming a father makes you scared but maybe you're distracted by her burnished stare. I come to realize that in your world I have become a minority while she is on the rise to become a priority. Was she really worth quitting your work? Is she enough to make you think our will arrive by a stork? You must be thrilled when her taste is on your tongue, vanish into a world of your own that makes you feel young. It may be this way now but I miss the person who took me out on adventures not the one who smells of smoke and risk his life for a woman who will ruin his face and give him dentures.

My sweet little son
You are quite an active one
I feel your small feet kick inside me
Every night when I sleep, every morning after I eat.
Completely unexpected but such a treat. I wait for you to grow and enter this earth, just 4 months until your birth. Waiting to see who the little human I created will be.