The flash blinding me from you
I told you so much about me with each picture
You weren’t like the others
You spoke to me
You treated me as human
I was so ready to let you use me forever
As long as it meant I could hear from you forever
Your words still echo in my brain
My message still unread
You never spoke to me again once you were done
Blocked
I’ll never hear you again
I’ll never get your “love” again
I just need someone’s
Yours truly felt like the right shape
To fill the whole in my chest

A show I assumed
I would have breaks in between each one
But no this is one long movie
Never ending
No time to rest or reflect
I could pause it
Take a break
But somehow it’s entertaining
The chaos that I can’t even understand
Maybe the meaning is just that
We all get old
We all die
Time keeps moving without us
But that doesn’t explain it all
Maybe it’s not meant to be understood
Maybe we just sit through
Watching
Reacting
To each moment
Presented to us
Not aloud to fast forward or rewind
No matter how much we want to skip
This moment

I just want to cry
While you hold me

My string has been getting pulled
For years
Slowly but surely
I’m become a red ball of yarn
Maybe I was poorly knitted
In the first place
No matter how well the craftsmanship
You found the loose end
To wrap around your hook
And crochet into
Any item you decided
You needed that day

Eyes in the back of your head
But somehow there not just there
You've plucked them
And snuck them into every corner
Every word I say
You can hear

It's all so forgettable
Redacted from my mind
Sometimes I'm glad
But now I can never explain how truly
Bad it was

The addiction
It’s began
Every day now I think of
When can I do it next
I end up doing it
Worse
And
Worse
Every time

The numbers increase but my image has gone down
Five...from how close I was before
Ten...from my goal
Maybe it’s meant to be this way
Maybe I’m meant to feel this way
There’s seems to be no options
What else can I do
...
No one will ever respond

Sixteen
Never thought I’d be here
Now I’m not sure
If the next year is
Feasible

I thought I could handle it
They said it would be hard
But at first it was easy
I didn’t have to be in pain or lie

I stare at my reflection
And see change
No longer seeing something
That has grown
But the same old face from years ago
Staring back at me
Asking why I ever left

I remember that ride
Like it wasn’t years ago
Driving away from
My safe house
He tried to take me
Yet you still
Asked where I wanted to be
You said no matter what
You just wanted me to be happy
But now even when
I write out what I need
With the tears streaming down my face
You still tell me
No

The green bridge
Standing so tall
Hanging over me
While I lean over the edge
Turning around
And there is no where left to go
No one to call
Who could hear me
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be
Maybe this is supposed to be how it ends

One word
It scares most
I've always been welcome to it
They just are doing a job
That has to be done
I'm sorry I know it hurts
But all things come to an end

Scrolling past each name
Trying to not find the one
I could text
Hopefully one that could change my mind

This is the end of
The story
It could be a happily ever after
But this is the wrong genre
I don’t live in a Disney film
There birds don’t sing
To keep me happy

The end

My moment of solitude
You still
Find some way to send me your notes
No more than a picture
You still make me feel guilt
You still make me feel like I’m at wrong
Even though I am so far from you

Three letters
That’s all I need to send
But why is that so much harder
Than knowing I’ll have to say
Sorry
I need to talk to you
But I feel guilt knowing
Your one person
Taking on all my emotions
That’s so much for one person to carry
So knowing you’ll read this
I’m sorry your the only one
But thank you for being that one

I don’t know how much I would pay
But I would give more than money
To have a pack
And be at your house
Giving you a hug
Getting to sleep in a room
That was meant for me
That has been set aside for me
I would still take one and enjoy
Each drag while sitting on your steps

The clock is ticking
Seven hundred and twenty seven
I could start a countdown
To the last second
Or I could skip all of that
Hope that you won't be to mad
Hope that I'll have the courage
Hope that you'll understand

Once a year

Like early Christmas

You explain to me how you’ll change

You say I need to tell you when your wrong

But when I do

You yell and get worse

This moment of rest will last

A few days to a few weeks

But someday it’ll all go back

So why should I stick around?

Somehow I knew
Your words meant nothing
Your apologies
Were rehearsed
You made excuses but
I still was willing to accept it
Until you did it again
Several times
Why couldn’t you at least
Wait a few months
Then I could be tricked
That it was my fault

Green the last color I’ll see
It used to be your favorite
But that changed
Everything has changed
I wish there was some way
I could go back
To when things seemed better

I wish I were better
The perfectly polished
Trophy
You always wanted
I wish I was gold shining
Bright enough
To blind you from
His scuffs
I wish I could
At least make
His life better

My hand empty now
But not washed of the pain I feel
To live another breath
Is to drink more poison
It slowly kills me