I remember that ride
Like it wasn’t years ago
Driving away from
My safe house
He tried to take me
Yet you still
Asked where I wanted to be
You said no matter what
You just wanted me to be happy
But now even when
I write out what I need
With the tears streaming down my face
You still tell me
No

Somehow I knew
Your words meant nothing
Your apologies
Were rehearsed
You made excuses but
I still was willing to accept it
Until you did it again
Several times
Why couldn’t you at least
Wait a few months
Then I could be tricked
That it was my fault

The pain has faded
Yet I still
Question if it was my fault
Maybe I said the wrong words
Maybe I pushed you to far
Maybe I made you do it
But
I have to remember
You chose to raise your hand
You chose to make a fist
You chose to strike me

It isn’t my fault

My moment of solitude
You still
Find some way to send me your notes
No more than a picture
You still make me feel guilt
You still make me feel like I’m at wrong
Even though I am so far from you

Scrolling past each name
Trying to not find the one
I could text
Hopefully one that could change my mind