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My Almosts

1.
You were drunk.
I was naive.
You were older.
I fell for your charm.
You took advantage.
Too bad you’re going nowhere.
You could have been great.

2.
We had a blind date.
You brought flowers.
I stayed blind.
I forgot to see that we were awful together.
You’re a stupid ginger.

3.
You caught my interest.
We saw a bad movie
and giggled together the whole time.
You put your arm around me
in the uncomfortable movie theater seat.
Bad kisser.
Too short.

4.
We got hot and heavy.
Nostalgia stuck around for years.
You didn’t.
You kept leaving and coming back.
I wanted you so badly.
I loved everything about you.
You didn’t.

5.
We bonded.
We had things in common.
You made stupid jokes
and I laughed sincerely.
We picked out kids names
and wedding colors.
So close...


6.
We met at work.
I was loud.
You were shy.
We took it slow.
You treated me with respect.
We made a solid foundation.
You never let me go to bed angry.
I might marry you.
Almost.
Look at you pretty girl
all scared by the world,
tears carve a broken face.

And you stare at the mirror
and see
the disaster play,
in those awful mistakes.

but come fire or come rain you
remain the same,
as calm as quiet waters,
sad grace.

What will it take
to make you safe
in the cold, darkness of sin?

and as a helping hand,
does light bend,
to shine;
around planets and man
alike.

So you've made it through
as few do...
putrid in toxic waste.

Changed by the fate
as Titanic sank,
can you like God forgive?

But right now,
palmed wild thoughts tare
a seam
hopelessly thin.

It takes patience and rhyme
for love to find room
in a crowded inn.
what can I say, but we all go mad from time-to-time.
Where have you gone, lover of mine?
Where have you been, this unending time?


Have you gone on a train, to a place far away,
Where the mountains sing and the sycamores sway?
Have you taken a boat to an island alone,
Where you sit and you think as you toss a cool stone?
Have you leaped on a plane to see new skies,
Where you watch shining stars with tired, worn eyes?
Have you just walked along roads with rotting old signs,
Where the locals count up your hard liquor fines?


Have you met someone new, sweet, and bright,
Who listens to your stories until late at night?
Have you made a friend that lends a hand,
Who will be by your side in the dirt and sand?
Have you whispered in the ear of a young, new girl,
Who holds your hand and wears soft curls?
Have you remembered your love that waits back at home,
Who cries silent tears, tired and alone?


Have you looked to the sky, the clouds and sun,
When you can't quite remember where you're from?
Have you listened to the sounds calling your soul,
When there in your ears is a gentle, calm lull?
Have you felt the pull of the waves in the sea,
When you stop for a moment and think about me?
Have you come home, if for a second, to look,
When you feel the urge to finish this old story book?


Have you thought of my love, spanning across seas,
What it does to my heart to know you left me?
Have you pondered our stars, our memories within,
What we did when we were close, alone with our sin?
Have you remembered the days of smiles and hands,
What you wrote in those letters that traveled vast lands?
Have you forgotten those moments of tears and sorrow,
What we thought was a time when there was no tomorrow?


So I ask you once more, although you've gone far away,
This question, now old, in my mind will stay,


Where have you gone, lover of mine?
Where have you been, this unending time?
And what is there to say
And what am I to talk of
But the crackers we ate
On the blanket in the park

And lips
Your lips, beloved
Crusted with ******* crumbs and gloss
Touching mine

And then we laugh and things brush
And prickles on my skin rise
RISE RISE
Until
I open my eyes

And I see the spider
In the corner or my room
Across from my bed in the dark
Alone in his web and his poison

And he crawls and he spits
And he claws until he bleeds
At the inevitable and damnable
Future of solitude he is, he is.

Shivers of moon wind
Brush the blinds and I cough
Sending the spider again, up
Hidden in the depth of his silk

And alone I sit
And alone I smile
And alone my teeth are white

I stand naked in the night
And the haunted air licks
Everywhere that it owns
For I am it's and I am Devine

Dry fingers pull up the blinds
And shhhh slowly slide up the window
And the moon above honors me
With a glance and in it's eyes I see hate.

So I laugh and fight the shiver
As hard as I fight the future
And I scream to Black
I am yours, beloved, and you are mine.
My eyes
may not see you...

but
I still feel you still

Here
within my heart...

closer than any embrace
could ever
dare.
Dying to tell you
how hard things have been
Dying to tell you
I haven't loved again
Dying to hear you
still think of my eyes
Dying to hear you
regret those goodbyes
 Feb 2013 Child of the Word
Katy
White dress.

Vanilla Cake with fluffy icing falls to the floor.

Forgotten champagne bottles remain unopened.

Swish.

Brooms attempt to wipe away the most obvious bruises.

Caterers pack up the painful memories.

Tears run freely on well-worn paths.
If I must bleed for you.... I will

willingly take the lashing

of their wagging tongues

let them mock me and cast me down

they cannot break me

I will always rise up again

hang me high for your cross examinations

brought you no closer to the truth

white dove against the darkness offered light

why then could you not see

I love you.
I will love you
even after
you leave me
to take another in your arms
I will taste
your sweet kiss
long after you press you lips
again his soft face
I will wear your scent
long before you leave it upon him
for I know come tomorrow
you will leave him
to return to me my love
so for now
sleep
and dream of me
as you cuddle close
your pillow
whispering my name.






j
Kenny Rogers song - Daytime Friends and Nighttime lovers inspired this
I cannot say I love you
as sweetly
as the rain tells the flowers

nor can I caress you
as softly
as the breeze does the flowers

I cannot warm you
as the sun warms the flowers

nor cradle you as tightly
as the soil does the flowers

but I can nurture our love
as tenderly as I do my flowers

for no flower in my garden
is as beautiful as you
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