I thought being back here would make me hurt
Missing you.
Instead when I closed my eyes last night
I saw you clearer than I had in weeks.
My dreams were wild and vivid
And for the first time in a very long time
I wanted to stay asleep not because the real world was too painful
But because the dream world was better.
You and I were walking on a quiet street at night.
It was cool, and flowers bloomed in secret gardens between brick buildings
And I could see the ocean down the lane.
You held my hand.
I was so happy to be with you.
I remember you turning away, looking up at the stars,
And I could see your back framed against the brightness
And you said,
"Isn't it beautiful?"
And I looked at you,
Back turned black coat silhouette,
And my eyes filled with tears and I said
"Yes, it is."
And only then did I glance up
And see the most breathtaking night sky I could have imagined.
It was the sky I always see when I am lucky enough to dream of you.

The stars in that sky are indescribable.
They are not the stars
They are your stars.
They happen because of you.
They somehow hold every color in every spectrum
They move without moving
They explode all at once like fireworks
But somehow they remain completely still at the same time.
They are the special kind of beauty that artists chase-
The kind that only exists in dreams and can't be described or captured in any way.

They were a blur of sheer perfection, and to look at them was to remember you completely.
I thanked them, in my head,
Full of joy and hope and love.
I thanked them like I used to thank the stars in our world
Every night walking back to my place
The cold making your name a swirl of grey against the darkness.
I still thank them today
And I say hello to you every night when I see the very first one,
Because I figure that if you and I can see anything at the same time
5 hours
And 3,000 miles apart
It must be the sky, and that moon, and those stars.

I thought being back here would be like
Walking through a field of ghosts,
Things I can't have because they're memories and you're far away.
But it's amazing what hope can do
And yes, those moments live-
Every detail. On the benches by the lake,
Running down the center line of the street laughing,
In the hallways here,
And at my door.
Everywhere I saw you, I see you,
But I find that I am hungry for those moments.
I love them.
Now that I am back here...
Yes, I miss you.
And yes, I love every moment of it.

Memories hang around, like cigar smoke in the air
Memories hang around like indentations in carpet of a couch that isn't there
They stain you like the pigment that paints the yellow lanes
They stain you like that naughty thought that live inside your brains
They restrain from thoughts, actions, and feelings you hold inside
When they are of a lost one we like a piece of us has died
Sometimes they warm us up and yet they bring us down
They can often be the reason we cannot escape the ground
They are always with us as the crows keep them all
Memories are often the best things when we have no ability to call

In the midst of the horizontal black and white
Color is lost vertically within the silence
The ever bleeding captured vibrancies
Taken by those crude color blind tyrants
Fair-weather rainbows shining through the muck
Sailing beyond light stealing clouds
Where happiness colors often get stuck
But the sun still knows the moon
Our bright white in the cold black
For two things so far apart
They sure do interact
In the strangest way…

Built into the inner lining
Like a patchwork with no seam
Stuck in precise timing
Like an engine pumping steam

Atomic structure of an element
A critically complex creation
As the deepest loves lament
Or understanding a nation

One can know a person
But never see their heart
Logic can make us certain
Emotions are where we start

A most complicated aspect
Often characteristics of a love
Never the ones we find perfect
Yet cause the most pain when deprived of...

Cold barrel pressed the back,
Colder steel felt like the end,
Pale faced in fear,

Cannot move to feel,
Blood pumps passed ears so hard,
Words are too stifled to hear,

He forcefully says...

              "Gemme what you got and you won't get shot"

Hands so cold grabbing my shoulder,
Breathe so shallow as not to enrage the beast,
I wonder if I will see tomorrow....  

Emptied pockets and loss of effects,
Taken pride from those less in years,
I hope my dollar and fifty cents was enough for this feeling I have inside,

              "Lay on the ground, don't look at my face"

Running so hard for home,
Tears the only thing I see in my eyes,
The small bit that I lost, will seem like nothing in time...

Compared to what could have been taken,
A part of me feels so naked,
The hardest way to see the coldest of hearts,

The lesson learned, is that death is my closest friend,
Not there at the begin,
But surely with me in the end...