I have resented you for many lifetimes


Your smile
Irradiated my darkened room
Filled the vacuum
In abundance
  
Your presence was an impermanent antidote
To this..... state

You were just a mere mortal
With this unfathomable effect on me  

I have resented you for many lifetimes
The way you took permanent residence in my heart
The way you carved your name into my bones
The way you departed... this life
To leave me... like so


Perpetually chasing your ghost

Until I become one.

You turned my life upside-down when you came around
A triplet, who would have thought?!
Ive always loved you, though I may never have shown it.
I've always been the older sister that secretly watched over you.
now all I'm left with are pieces of who we used to be
a ghost of the sister I used to love  
What happened to us?
We used to sing together while I was in the shower, your iPod blaring
And sleep on each others shoulders on the long carrides
We'd stay out late at night with friends and stick our feet in the air
Swimming in the ocean at the beach I'd come up from behind and splash you
I used to pick up on the same line as you just to mess with you and your boyfriend
And miss you when you went away, like you took a slice of my heart with you.
When guys would hit on us, we'd sit back and laugh.
Do you remember the night you, me, and Billy stayed up and we said out first cuss words, barely 5th grade, and we giggled all night?
The promises we'd always be there, through thick and thin?
The calm of our house was shattered this summer
When we realized it was time to grow up.
You roughened my edges with your sharp tongue,
slicing through our bond we worked 16 years to hold together
Cut, and mended, cut and mended
All that remains are shreds and furious remarks,
and a house shared with a girl I can't say I even know anymore.
You roughened my edges, my own sister
Darkened my heart, and closed my compassion
We both have our own problems, does it mean we stop caring?
All our lives we've been compared, it's been a game,
Some kind of competition to gain attention and show off superior wits
Now when it matters the most, I've lost you
I'm running this race of Life alone.
All I really want is for us to get back to how we used to be.
I want to make you laugh, not frown and complain
I want to see happiness cover your face like it did just months ago
But... I'm afraid it's too late.
You've roughened my edges beyond repair

Beauty is what
Beauty is thee,
Beauty is whatever the ******* see
It is a flower,
It is a tree,
It is in thee,
Can't you see,
Beauty is where ever you'll be,
The sun,
The sky,
Your light,
I see,
All within the scope of beauty,
Again we cross,
So bright,
Yet clean,
Beauty is what I see in a dream,
Beauty is what I mean,
Mean to dream,
Forever a theme in a hallway unseen,
For a beauty so demandingly obscene
It is potent,
It is powerful,
Undeniably supreme
Passion,
The fire
The beauty in between,
This has to be a dream,
Her beauty makes me scream,
I am unclean,
In the love I am serene,
But my beauty is the monster,
I choose to let run free.
Beauty is me!

How do I perceive this?
How do I react?
I had to address this,
I was quite taken aback,
The astonishment,
The surprise,
It is really difficult to believe
What I view with my two eyes,
And the more to the point,
What I hear from this guy,
I am not sure that I get it,
This may be a joke,
But that guy just slapped my ***
And blew kisses as he spoke,
Now I am no hater,
But I do not swing that way,
So instead of being violent I turn and politely say,
"If you slap my *** again, sir...you are gonna have to pay?"

Much is lost in moments....A broken dress string...a broken cigarette....

The light from a star is never more near to your eye...than music to your ear.

Thunder may break...neutrons may shake, but light is still the fastest way to travel.

For I do not know what the end brings....but I can hear the song play...people dance...love.

You say your cigarette won't light....it's too dark.....my dress string broke....I am not pretty.

But the lunacy of counting cars...straightening cards...ensuring obsessions are filled...not forgotten...

Is my front door still open..........or is it merely the worry of precious things...left unbroken.

Lightening may strike...electrons may excite....But light in your eyes astounds...people look...beauty.

Bummed cigarette.....safety pin fix........Much is lost in moments..