Beloved Girl,
I need to be grateful for you.

I need to be grateful for all of the things you've done-
To make me feel better
To give me food and comfort
To tell me stories and answer my questions
To be there even when I didn't want you to be

I need to be grateful for you. And I need to apologize.

I need to apologize-
For when I snapped at you
For when I got my chair instead of getting your food
For when I became angry because they liked you too
Because I was afraid that they wouldn't like me anymore.

You are a star. A beautiful star that can drive me absolutely nuts because you just want us to see it.

But I do now.

I need to be grateful and I need to apologize
And I would like to thank you

Thank you for inspiring me.

Thank you for being a relentlessly good friend.

Thank you for sticking around until I found my gratitude.

*** is
the only way I've been able
to satisfy my desire for you,
without sticking a straw in my nose,
or shoving pills down my throat,
or smoking god knows what.
*** is
the only way I've been able
to not cry out to you.
Yet,
somehow *** makes me yearn for you more,
*** makes me crave you more,
and *** makes me realize how desperately I want you.

It's always been you,
from the day I've met you.
There's been other girls,
too many other girls,
too few other girls,
and there's been you.
So unattainable,
so out of reach,
but not out of mind.
There's always been you,
and until you are in my bed,
until your fingers leave marks on my back,
until yours is the first voice I hear,
you will not be out of mind,
and even after then you will not be out of mind.

Orange hair on a hard mattress.
You smelt of lavender and gin
and I knew in some adverse way
that I was responsible for both
and from it I took small pleasures
all of them equally as perverse
and unjustified.

It's all the motions of unrequited love;
except it's as far from unrequited as it could be
and I'm happy about that.

A man once told me that someday I might be happy
that I didn't get the things I so strongly yearned for.

He said might, but he did not emphasize it.

I know that you are lonely and I think we need to walk.
I keep wasting words about the weather and other small talk.
You gotta promise to keep pulsing just like the April rain.
Your lips are just flesh but they sure cover all the pain.

I walk beside you because you are my best friend.
We can walk through the park, hand in hand.
I'll keep you safe no matter where, until we reach our end.
I promise to love you past the trees,
but there's one thing I don't understand.

I can't see the harm in loving,
despite all that comes.
There were those that left before me,
but I'm not that one.

Your leaving is death,
but I still keep you alive.  
I wait for you, Kori,
and that's how I survive.

They say you never get over it, you just learn to tolerate.
I let cups of coffee stain my lips to remove your taste.  
I don't wanna think less of you; you can't be someone I hate.
I don't want you to disappear or for my love to go to waste.

I could die from anticipation just to **** the wait.
Until I see you again, my dreams will create
a way to visit you in my own personal paradise.
What it would be to hold you again as you shiver from the ice.

I'm not sure if anyone could love you more than I.
But I welcome them to do, or at least to try.
I want you to be loved. I want you to be happy.
I want you to be loved with or without me.

I want you to be loved.
I want you to be loved.
I want you to be loved
with or without me.

I looked,
I looked long and hard
and shouted-
"you're ugly,
you're atrocious
you're revolting
boring
and plain
aloof
unobservant
and so, so pathetic.
You're nothing but a useless,
worthless piece of trash
My God, could you be any more sad?
Stop those tears,
Nobody cares.
It's true what they say,
you'll never be loved,
you can't even make a decision by yourself!
So many symptoms, so many ails,
stop blaming them all on your daddy issues.
So you say you wanna die?
Then do it,
what's stopping you?
praying that someone will miss you?
Well grow up, because they won't,
grow up, grow up!
older with each day
but still just a child inside,
cocooned in your ailments on a tear-stained pillow.
Stop crying,
you ***** little mutt,
why do you keep waiting for others to sew you up and fix you?
Is it because your bones are so weak
you can hardly rise in the morning?
Is all of this true?
You know it is,
My God, you are such a sad little creature."

I've said all I've needed to say,

So I step back from the mirror.

"What happened" and "When did you decide"
The honest truth is that
I knew from the beginning

I knew from the start
That it would end with my foot in the door
I knew from the start
That it was all wrong and I wanted more

What I wanted was to be with a man for the rest of my life
I wanted him to love me
Like
How
I
Loved

Because I love with everything I have
I love in the ways I scream
In the ways I cheer
In the ways I dream
In the ways I smile while I cry

And so the only reason why it ended
Is because you proved me right
When all I wanted was for you to prove me wrong

And so when you say
"We never had a chance"
You are so wrong

Because I gave so many chances
A year to be exact
And now you have left me sitting here
reminding myself that

**I
Knew
All
Along

God
Why you?
Why does it have to be
The boy who doesn't know
The boy who can't figure it out
The boy who can't seem to realize

But the thing is
You do know
You have to know
It's our whole relationship
We can't be friends
We could never be friends
There's too much unspoken

Maybe I'm crazy
But I just know
There's something

Would you rather be with someone who loved you
Or someone you loved.

I hate it
When people say Brienne is beautiful
The point of Brienne is that she isn't beautiful

Brienne is a warrior
A woman who doesn't know love
A woman who loves though

Brienne is loyal
A woman who stays true to the end
A woman with endless honor

Brienne is strong
A woman who won't break
A woman who will stand tall

Brienne is ugly
A woman who doesn't need her looks to get what she needs
A woman who doesn't use what's between her legs to get what she wants

Brienne is badass
A woman who gives no *****