i was hoping that if you kissed me enough
in places where i thought i was dead

flowers would grow

but i am not a garden
and my dear,
you are far from a dose of fresh water and sunlight

I get out of the shower
I start to feel beautiful again
I walk up to the mirror naked

Nothing covering me
Nothing to hide behind

It is just me in the mirror

I look and there is that horrid stain on my chest
It glares at me and mocks me
It laughs at me for thinking I'm beautiful

Once it was unmarked
Unstained
It was cream and beautiful

Who knew one mark could change me
When will I be able to feel **** looking in the mirror
When will I look and be proud of my body

My ******* will never have the same lure they used to
*I will never have the same lure as I used to

red blood cells live for about four months
white blood cells can live for over a year
skin cells live about two to three weeks

slowly, hour by hour
day by day
week by week
month by month
year by year
my body will die and replace itself

and surely enough
some day
eventually
i will have a body you never touched
and hair you never pulled

Getting Past the Past
Takes the moments yet obstained
While focusing on tomorrow
Rather than clinging to empty blame
Life delivers a newness
With every breath we take
Release the anchoring memories
That bind the aching heart
Getting past the past
Requires that you start
-The connective thinker

I lay here thinking about you
I'm thinking about the way you kiss me
not just my lips but my body

you take your time
to caress me with your lips
you kiss my chest
my stomach
my legs
everything

you romance me with your eyes
and you make me fall in love with your touch

after two years you'd think I'd be bored
but every time we make loves there's something new

sometimes we make love
sometimes we ****
and sometimes it's just ***

you know your way around my body
you know what turns me on
sometimes you surprise me

I'm desperate for you
I need you
but you're always so far away
we only get to be close maybe once a week
I need you all the time

I want to lay next to you and wake up with you in the morning
you make me desperate
constantly

She has a problem with people
she struggles to speak out in public
she doesn't feel confident

but she doesn't realize how confident she is
she's confident when she dances
she's confident when she makes jokes
she's confident in her knowledge
she's confident in her writing

I want her strength
I want the strength of her words
the strength of her beauty
and the strength of her movement

I want to be like her
I want her hair
I want her skin
I want her clothes

I want her soul

I know she doesn't feel beautiful
but she's a porcelain doll
her skin is perfect and white
and her hair is one of a mermaid's

She hides under her white feathers
so others won't see her
but there are those that see her shine
the way the glint comes of her wings

When she does come out of her cave
she lights up the space around her
she soars through the air and the world stops
her beauty is beyond me and I feel I'm the only one who knows

She is a swan

They all look at me and believe I'm innocent
Yes, I don't do drugs or drink
Yes, I don't smoke cigarettes

I'm tired of feeling like a teachers pet
I'm tired of feeling like a goody too-shoos
I'm tired of feeling like a plain Jane

I'm not perfect
I'm not innocent
I'm not a ******

I crave him constantly
I want him more than anything
I crave being touched
I want to be kissed

I'm not the christian girl I used to be
I don't believe in "God"

I want to be perceived differently
I want to be seen for who I am
I want to be seen as an adult

I'm no child
I'm a women and a strong one at that