I feel ******' restless.
There is too much noise in my head as my thoughts rush by like cars on a freeway.
I can't make them stop going 90 miles an hour
And I can feel the anxiety rising with the speedometer.
I'm running out of gas but I just keep going
Faster..
             Faster..
                          Faster.

The car in autodrive,
I'm just waiting for the crash.

I crave the smell of wet leaves,
damp, and abandoned in the mud.

I want the same euphoria of getting up earlier than the world
And packing everything in the car to go away.

Just away.

Somewhere that isn't here.

I crave adventure.

I save my wandering thoughts for rainy days.
My memories, like old, scraped up books.
Some dusty and some frequently used.
I pull them back from the spine,
Time after Time,
To glide my hand across the rough paper
And to relive the archived moments
That have stacked in my brain.

It's dangerous,
The way I've sewn parts of you
Through every fibre of my being.

Now that you've messed up
All I can hear at random times
Is a tearing sound,
Like when you rip apart cloth.

Little by little
With every anxious thought
I rip you out.

Little by little
I try to forgive you,
Rethreading to repair.

What kind of tapestry
Will I be in the end?

I felt the birds in your spirit
From the moment I met you
And I feared the day your flitty
Heart would migrate you elsewhere.

Now that it's time
I just want to be your shelter before winter.
Even as guilty as it'd make me feel to be your cage,
Just this once,
You're the one I don't want to watch
Fly away.