flying is easy,
easy
i
think
minus crash landings that leave you to sink
but i was always able to fly
flying is easier than waving goodbye

they sang in choruses witty and bright
like airplanes across the ocean they flew
darling did you tell them?
darling don’t you see?
i’m a ship stranded at sea.
there’s no body to come rescue me

you were always too scared to fly

too well practiced at goodbyes.

so i’ll drown in this ocean
while you sit on the shore

always wishing we were something more.

It was the year
man first walked
on the moon

but the third year running
you and your brother
walked the streets
of Edinburgh

and stayed
at the guesthouse
where the Yank guy
told you how
he was mugged
in some bog
at Waverly Station

I was in the stall
on the seat
when there was a banging
on the door
and someone yelled
open up I’m going to puke
so I did the
Yank said
and some guy
stole the wallet
from my pant’s pocket
and ran off

your brother sat
at the breakfast table
bemused

why did you open
the door?
you asked

well I guess I thought
it would help
the Yank said
holding his coffee cup
with both hands
you know
kind of threw me
off course

I’d have told the guy
to go puke elsewhere
your brother said

but he seemed desperate
the Yank said
looking at your brother
with a Humphrey Bogart gaze
won’t do that again
he said
sipping his coffee

you studied the guy’s plump face
his bulky frame
his sausage size fingers
the gold ring
on his third
right hand finger
his I LOVE AMERICA tee-shirt
his blue shorts

no matter
guess we all learn
from our mistakes
you said
next time
someone bangs
on the bog door
tell them
go puke on the floor

the Yank nodded his head
his Bogart impression
faded
to a saggy dog face

and you thought
gazing at
his blonde hair
there
but for the grace of God
go I  
and your brother smiled
and winked a blue eye.

It's kind of hard
to find a Mother's Day card
that is fitting for you,
Mommy dearest
So I wrote you my own:

"Thank you for never loving me
the way a mother is supposed to love
her darling daughter.
You taught me that I will never be
good enough
skinny enough
pretty enough
to make it in this world."
-

I smell the miso soup and curry
though its bowl's contents
have been long licked away
I see you when I look at her
Her eyes that wander and eyes that sigh
longing for you as I do.
Maybe even more.

She waits and speaks and fights.
I wonder if she wants to be with you yet
I hope not, because I need her still but
I need you, too.
It's selfish, but I am speaking my mind.

The pain I felt
three weeks ago when I remembered you was physical
My breath came in short puffs
and the tears pricked and the leaves swayed
as I looked out the ***** window.
Maybe I was expecting you to swoop down, hug me,
and tell me you were sorry
for leaving so soon.
So, so soon.

It's time to go, so I touch the small of her back lightly
and help her into the car
something you used to do.
I am not angry.
But it hurts.
Knowing that you never saw me dance
or play the piano
or walk up the stage to receive my diploma
Knowing that I'll never be Princess Aurora
and you'll never be Prince Philip or the dragon again
Knowing that as long as the sun rises and the moon smiles
I'll still be here
without you

I love her.
Know that.
So for you, Lolo*, I'll take care of her as well as I can
because I know it will make you smile
and that will make me smile too but I still miss you
and it still hurts sometimes.

Sinister,
the smile across her face,
as she licked her lips,
and moved with grace.
One and one together,
making one together.
A lover like this will never,
come by again.
I'm pinned,
I grin,
we sin.
Worth every moment,
every movement,
every breathe,
and then you left.
Gone,
like a sweet lullaby song,
gone.

pure emptiness filling
          every heartbeat in a
               never ending
                    dream
               as the dark of
          night slowly turns ... bringing us back
                                                      togeth­er