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Charlotte Feb 2014
i am alone
and that is all i ever am
and no one will hold me

you caressed me with your words
you lured me in
you broke me

i don't know what to do now
you lured me in with promises
that lie broken on the floor

i'm going to leave you.
Charlotte May 2013
roses are red
violets are blue
your face feels cold,
and your hands do too.
Charlotte Nov 2013
i find hearts
and i sneak inside
doesn't matter who they belong to.
in the quiet
i lie in wait
of a man
who i can breathe in--
i don't care who he belongs to.
i smile my secret smile
and i beckon them in
one by one--
no matter who they belong to.
i whisper from afar
declarations of love
tempting them, pressing them
doesn't matter who they belong to
in the quiet
i sit and bleed
names run red across my arm
i don't care who they belong to
i don't learn lessons
i don't remember mistakes
just keep on pushing ahead
i don't care that they belong to
people.
people with feelings
people who are not me
and then i realize
that i hope one day
i outgrow my psychopathic ways
and i remember who they belong to
but at the same time
as i sit here
in the quiet
waiting for
my turn
i wonder...
who do i belong to?
Charlotte May 2013
Blonde haired beauty
With pale skin that locks away
Scars
Long since healed
In the physical sense only
Wake sleeping beauty
Your prince, he awaits.
You nymph of a girl
What a queen you will make.
He screams when he sees you
Half-covered in blood
Not him, but you,
Angel
Why couldn't you wait?
He was coming to save you
He was coming one day
He clings to you,
Baby
He cries out your name, saying
"Why wasn't I enough?
Why couldn't you just stay?"
Now, you dear, dead angel
With the halo above your curled hair,
Can only watch your prince weeping
Why weren't you there?
Charlotte Sep 2014
it was awhile ago when i started
walking through the woods.
i had a red cape and a basket

filled with candy as sweet as
i am. a big bad wolf
found me and he followed

my footsteps through the brambles
and he was undeterred by
cuts from thorns.

i smiled and let him believe
i was his. but really,
he was mine. and when he was ready

to swallow me whole,
i shot him
in the heart.
Charlotte Sep 2014
i saw a boy with
cuts all down
his arms, and i fell in
love a little bit.
and i couldn't help
but want to fix him,
even though i've come
to realize that i can't
even fix myself.
Charlotte Feb 2014
i realize now
that when adults believe that
teenagers are kidding themselves,
believing they're in pain, that they're in love
i realize now
that adults are just trying
to condescend them
trying to cover up
that they can't remember how it felt
to be seventeen
and young forever
Charlotte Jan 2013
we are studying space
and teacher says
it is important stuff,
but i cannot think
of anything except
your eyes
and the way they sparkle
brighter than the stars
and larger than the moon
and how they are
more important to me
than the sun could ever be
Charlotte Jan 2013
Would you think that I was worth it
Now?
Many fights later
Many years too late
Would you do what you did then
Now?
I don’t owe you anything
But I’m sorry
Sorry
sorry/sorry/sorry/sorry/sorry/
Endings hurt
and I took your “Hope” away
One day in May
When I decided who I am
Now
I’m not sorry
When it was him or you
I picked me
And that meant him too
No longer you
But was it really ever you?
I guess we’ll never really know
But I guess we know who we are
Now
To tell you the truth
he was always more than a shadow
I hope you miss me

*******
Charlotte Jan 2013
The sullen day was over
And the children all asleep in bed
There was no one around
Just you and me.
You came towards me
Moving with a smooth sense of purpose
A sweetness not always present
A hunger for love

You drew deep into the well of me
Opened my eyes and other parts too
I clung to you, lost in the ride
You crawled in me

So perfect was your face
So gentle was your grace
You held me down with love
And I breathed you in
Anyone can love you
But not the way I do
Anyone could have you
But not the way that I do
The sweetness in your eyes
Could never lie
Charlotte Sep 2014
different place,
different boy,
same me. got wasted
again, and i felt so lost
but somehow i ended up
in the exact same spot.
a tree, a boy, and me.
the only way to go was
up, and so i climbed.
you watched and waited
and when i jumped, i
felt you against me.
it was like i had no
weight, the way you held
me. and again there were
no feelings but all
i needed was your body
heat against mine.
Charlotte Feb 2013
hush my perfect baby
hush my little girl
i am here and you are too
and we can finally begin

you kiss me with your eyes
i see you
you tempt me with your smile
i know you do

perfect curls
perfect eyes
freckles are not blemishes
rather, beauty marks
galore

you're not the sun
because
your radiance is not meant for all
you are the moon
whispering sweet nothings to me
in the middle of the night

i will make you a full moon
i will make you glow
and you will wink
and smile,
curling your lips in a smirk
and say
"am i too young to feel this way?"

you know what my answer will be
Charlotte Feb 2014
there was a day when i got lost
and i haven't been seen since
i was slowly climbing up, up, up towards the sun
and the suddenly i was gone
i'd been doing so well
doing so much
and then suddenly it was all gone
and i've been lost ever since
i don't feel things the same way
his kisses that once made me fly
i can now shrug off without a glance
his smiles that made me melt and sing
do nothing.
we are not we
and i am not me
ever since i got lost that day
and i started going nowhere fast
i started feeling emptiness all around me
and inside of me
and he kept going
i stayed empty
and he filled up his world
i stayed empty
and he just wanted his girl
but i was gone
i was so far gone
i'm still gone
can you see me?
can i see me?
there's nothing left of me
i don't have anything
worth living for
all i have is plans for a tomorrow
that will never ******* come
all i have is hope for a future
that will never come to pass
but what about now?
right now?
i have nothing
and the emptiness in my chest
amplifies
the emptiness in my head
the emptiness in my brain, in my soul
the emptiness that remains in my heart
sometimes i can see it in his eyes
that he misses me
i know that i'm not the one he loves
i miss her
the she, the old me, who could light a candle in his heart
the one he truly loves
i miss him
he, the old he, the one who had patience for the pain
the one who truly loves her
i miss her
i miss him
i miss me
Charlotte Sep 2014
it's been awhile since i could get
to sleep. i've been tossing and
turning like a ship caught

in a storm and all i can think about is
the way you looked at me like
i was something more.

i remember the moment
it all became a game,
how our hands grazed each other, just

barely. an intake of breath escaped me, and that
was all you needed to know that i was not
immune to your touch. we began

testing the waters, trying to see
who would be the first
to break when the waves got rough.

i guess i won. you've gone to shore
and i'm still out at sea, trying to live
in a past that's long gone. we used to talk

at midnight, and i told you that one day you'd
be nothing more than a ghost
in my head, one more scar

on a wrist that's about to give out,
since i may talk the talk, but
it's so hard to walk when i'm carrying all

these ghosts inside me that
only want to pull me under.
you're the one who lost

the game, but i'm the one
who's drowning. so who's the real
winner after all?

once i told you
that one day you'd haunt me...
now you do.
Charlotte Jul 2013
you asked me why i no longer danced
but you never noticed that
you no longer sang my song
Charlotte Jul 2013
there is nothing left to give
nothing left to say
besides the regular things
the i miss yous
and i love yous
that don't really mean anything
to you.
i listen to mournful songs now
they understand me
almost as well as you did
almost
Charlotte Jul 2014
you are stashed in
a memory. and with it
i hold you close
to me. we were perfect
in our almost
romance. eyes
locked tight
and blue met blue
like the sea and
the sky colliding.
your calm azure
brought my crashing
waves back down. and i
remember your crooked
smile that seemed to promise
me everything. and that smile
let me know that
you would have
kissed me if i asked.
but i wonder
if your lips could have
quelled the swells with in
me, and if my tongue
could have silenced
your raging summer storms.
we are a secret that will
never be uttered,
we are a wave that can
never be ridden.
we had our chance and we
missed it. but sometimes, i
swear, i would go down
with our ship.
Charlotte Aug 2014
I.
i chased you around
the playground and tried
to kiss your cheek but you
pushed me down and shoved
my face into the ground.
by your hand i learned that
no one wanted me.

II.
you knew that i loved you
and you liked stringing me along,
knowing that i would have given
you anything. but you never gave me
that one sick pleasure, and instead just
kept unraveling me. loving you
was like loving a ghost, one who made
me open up my
wrists like waterfalls.

III.
first kiss, first slap to
the face. i knew that you were
off limits but you knew
just how to make me hurt
myself a little bit more, and i
ate it up like the chocolate that
was your skin. you kissed me
after hitting me, and i never noticed
the difference.

IV.
you were a savior that
i needed so desperately, and you
cleaned up the hate that bled
out of me and kissed my torn up
wrists. but then the yelling began
and you were more of the same,
you grabbed at my heart and my arms
and tore them open, just like they had been
before.

V.
my heart was never so
alive as when i was with you.
the smiles you gave me were
treasures that i could not stop
digging up, but when the time came
that i was no longer shiny and
new, you went looking
for someone who was.

VI.
you told me to swim into the night,
and i heeded every word. you wanted
me to be so much better, but i was bad
at following orders. you never
looked at me with the lust that i craved.
you just wanted to fix me so that someone
else could love me.

VII. you craved me like a knife
in your gut. i was the shot to the foot
that you needed to get out of
the trap that you called home, but
you miscalculated my naughtiness, and
i sent you on your way, thirsting for a
kiss that never came.

VIII.
you were easy-- nothing more,
nothing less. the kisses we
exchanged were empty breaths, and
you were nothing but a failed
experiment. you wanted me in
the smallest of ways, but that was
okay with me.

IX.
you were someone that i could
never love, but then again, so
am i. the way that we smiled
across the room made the screaming
in my ear more bearable. you were just
a friend, not even mine, really. but you
were just what i needed when
the screaming was deafening.

X.
the spark that you lit inside
my heart is pushing me onward.
the way i crave your name
on my tongue is overpowering and
nauseating at the same
time. there is not much left
to say but i know that if i saw you
again, there would be so much left
to do.
Charlotte Feb 2014
you start to forget...
but when you do remember
it hurts so much more
Charlotte Feb 2013
he was beautiful
and kind
he was tall
and shy
but smooth
and he knew how to touch a girl
before i even kissed a boy
and he grew up too fast
and i still can't do laundry
but he was beautiful
and he was mine
Charlotte Nov 2013
you cried tonight
and the sound made me weak
made me want to stop breathing
it stopped my anger in its tracks
stopped my mind from ever wanting
to repeat the words that hurt you
again
when you cry
i lose all conviction
i lose all thought and reason
and all i want to do
is reach up
and brush your tears away
and hold you sweetly in my arms
leaving both my anger and your sadness
behind
Charlotte Jun 2013
you fear the moon
and i fear the sun.
you fear the darkness,
and i fear everyone.
Charlotte Apr 2013
to yearn for my darling
is to be free of everyday turmoil
the wanting, waiting, wondering
becomes much more meaningful
than the endless abhorrence
of everyday life
my loathing becomes directed
towards the miles between us
as if we are two pieces
of a long forgotten puzzle
scattered on separate sides
of the surface
attempting to piece ourselves together
falling to the floor
with only the slightest whisper
in order to gain just one more inch
of closeness.
but puzzle pieces disconnected
are empty of meaning
and are doomed to be lost
under tables and cushioned chairs
Charlotte Mar 2013
So selfish
No one but me
and you
I've lost it, I've lost it
find me again
hold me close
don't let me go
it's been so long
and my feelings are waning
but i love you, i love you
can't we repeat the past?
Gatsby's green light is glowing
in my eyes
i want you to want me
the way you did
and i want to want you
the way i did
when the green light
was still bright
when every second meant us
and every truth meant love
Charlotte Nov 2013
four years, and your eyes
are still the most beautiful
things i've ever seen
Charlotte May 2013
you have ruined me for everyone else
every text, i think is you
every call
every "notification"
every doorbell, every knock,
every word belongs to you
you have ruined me for everyone else
or perhaps,
you've ruined everyone else
for me.
Charlotte Feb 2013
Our love is a divorce court’s dream
And court is now in session
The judge and jury as a team
Will try and teach us a lesson

The former leers down and speaks
“What evidence have you brought?”
“She doesn’t make sense, and she’s sad for weeks.”
You respond without a thought

“He’s angry and horrible, and just plain mean!”
I manage to say to the jury
“She’s a *****.” “He’s vile.” “Her clothes are obscene!”
We fill the room up with fury

Our love may be a divorce court’s dream, but I guess it’ll have to wake up,
For it only takes a moment’s time for us to kiss and make up
Charlotte Aug 2014
you are the cracks in
the sidewalk that i step
on every time. but one
day soon, the cement churning in
my heart will pour over
everything you've ever said. i am
a rain cloud that is filled
to the brim, but i refuse to let
the drops fall. it's not time,
not yet. this overcast sky can last
us a little longer. the way
you whisper in my ear like the
tinny sound of an old radio is
all i need when times are hard,
but the sleek silence of the MP3
switching to the next track is all
i'll want once i figure out how
to make this ringing in my ears
stop. you remind me of a neon
sign, saying "Open" to everyone
you meet. but all along you were
waiting for me to come
in and switch you off. but what if
i lit you up again and left? what
if i want to be the one with the neon
lights and "Open" blazing
on my chest? that'll be the day
my rain comes pouring down.
that'll be the day my radio
stops working.
Charlotte Sep 2014
thought i was over you and
then suddenly i wasn't. and i ached
for minutes that felt like
hours and pressure was building in
my bones, making me feel like they
might break free. i lay on my bed, delirious--
dreamed that my skeleton would leave
skin behind and that my
my heart would be all out and i would be
all over you.
Charlotte Jan 2013
Paper bones form paper hearts
Cut out with child-sized scissors
And winter days are here to stay
Her heart is covered in blizzards

No one can help her
Because no one knows
Why her heart is beating
Amongst heavy snows

Fragile is as fragile does
And she certainly takes the cake
Metaphorically, of course, because
Literally would be a mistake

Paper hearts form paper dreams
Never to jump off the page
And she can't seem to jump at all
Her body has become a cage

Not losing weight, just losing time
At least that's how it seems
She's smashing mirrors and smashing plates
Thrown in a pile of smashed dreams

Paper dreams form concrete thoughts
Of ending it all one day
In fact, why later, why not now?
She doesn't have a reason to stay

Can't run, can't walk, can't nothing but sleep
Can't scream, can't cry, can't nothing but keep
Empty while her body is begging but she can't eat
To live at all is an enormous feat
Never leaving her alone until she sleeps

Endless sleep forms paper dreams
Of people and things she'll never see
As paper thin as her naked form
Her pale skin threatening to pop hipbones free

Hair is falling, teeth are yellow
As she kisses the cold, hard metal
Skeletal figure stumbles forward
This plan is turning fatal

She begs her paper heart to beat no more
She begs for her release
"My paper bones formed paper dreams,
I wish to be deceased."

This endless winter has to stop
This never ending quest to be thin
Slender hands and hollow cheeks
Drenched in her red sin
Charlotte Jan 2013
We sit in a circle
We're playing Russian Roulette
With life
And I think you're going to lose
You light it up
Take a hit
And in that moment
I see what your life could be
Forever
And
I. Don't. Want it.
You pass it over
I take a hit
And the acrid taste
Does not make me feel
Any different
I sit in silence
And watch you
smile
And you think you've won
But really,
we've both lost
You the game,
and I, you.
Charlotte Jun 2013
love love love
i need it like
i need oxygen
in my lungs
like i need
a thorn in my side
you you you
i don't have you
but i need you
like oxygen
in my lungs
and a thorn
in my side
him him him
i don't need him
i know it too
but i suppose
he'll have to do.
Charlotte Jan 2013
You looked at me as if I were a
primrose
A delicate flower
with tiny petals
opening up to you
with little thorns to ***** you with
when you make me angry
You plucked me up
away from the sun
and the moon
and the sky
and my little primrose friends
You put me in an expensive vase,
caring for me the best you could.
But sometimes you go away,
and alone
I am wilting
Charlotte Jan 2013
We left them
and their smoke
and their Hoarder-like house
For an adventure of our own
And I felt safer already
And you held me
And I knew
Why you didn't want me
To see you this way
But I looked at you
And I said that I loved you still
And I felt very old
And you looked very sad
And I knew I didn't want you
To smoke anymore
Or do anything else
That made you that unhappy
When I was right next to you.
Charlotte Jan 2013
You
aren’t
worth
a piece
of
paper
Charlotte May 2013
fear
agony
humiliation
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
silence
Charlotte May 2013
Remember
When every secret was ours alone?
Nor do I, dear love.
Our lives together have been documented.
As we hide from ourselves,
And each other,
Everyone else can see
What we have avoided.
Not blind,
Rather, refusing to see in color
Remember when
I loved you less than I do
Nor do I, my love.
Nor do I.
Charlotte Aug 2014
she's all stitched
together, but she's falling apart
at the seams. she's a raggedy ann made up
of despair and button eyes. clumps of hair
fall into her hands, but she won't
admit that something's wrong,
even as she tries to throw up
everything she hates about
herself. only food comes up,
but that'll have to be good
enough. she watches the numbers go
up and down, until her feet barely
have the strength to step
on the scale. her eyes are vacant,
dead and black. her smile is stitched
on, a crooked red mess of yarn and
blood. her ribs are showing, and when
the mirror finally admits that
there's a gap between her thighs, she only smiles
slightly before biting her lip and
noticing the extra skin around her
shoulders. bits of her brain have been worn
thin from lack of sleep and love. she used to cut  
herself until the knife got too heavy
and her arms got too weak to take
the little nicks to the wrist without
threatening to take her whole. on
thanksgiving day, she hid in the bathroom, head
down, with no blessings to count. on christmas
she gave santa all her cookies and sat under the
tree, drinking hot chocolate with cold hands
and pale lips, and a throat so scarred
she could hardly swallow. one day, her tooth fell
out, and she smiled, hiding it under her
pillow, knowing that soon she'd be falling
apart in oh, so many ways. she's a ragged
doll, with stitches all up and down, until
the day she finally cuts the right knot, when
she'll begin to unravel and brittle
bones will fall to the floor with a clatter
and her soul, forever trapped in a cage of
ribs and skin, will finally be free.
Charlotte Sep 2014
it was nice while it lasted
but i guess you figured out
that it was best to stay
away from me, since
i'm nothing but shallow
water left on the bathroom floor
and you are an ocean
twenty leagues deep.
you dreamed that i'd dive straight
into you, not looking back,
but both of us knew that
i wouldn't be able to
breathe at the bottom.
Charlotte Aug 2013
sixteen forever
craving nothing but
skin to skin
mind to mind
heart to heart
staring in your eyes
and seeing forever
seeing nothing but
the sun
craving everything you've never had before
and maybe will never have again
sixteen forever
tearing down your walls
burning all your bridges
and refusing to become what they want
nothing standing in your way
craving love and nothing more
no fear of the future
just fear of the night ending
because when you're sixteen forever
you feel infinity
and your heart smiles
through the tears
because nothing can stand in your way
nothing can hurt you for more than a moment
because you're brave and you're young
and you're free
close your eyes and remember
when you were sixteen forever
your heart is open
your eyes are wide
your light is blinding
and unstoppable
forever is real
forever is now
forever is in your reach
and you take it
unflinchingly
i want to be
sixteen forever.
Charlotte Dec 2013
in a field of green
the bonfire burns bright
there are people everywhere
and your eyes see only me
friends gather 'round
the beer is getting warm
and i am beautiful
when i am in your arms
Charlotte Nov 2013
It started out with one
"I love you," said he.
She said, "I love you, too.
It'll always be you and me."

And yet, as often is the case
He was soon on his way
Out the door, he left her
Once there was nothing left to take.

It took awhile for the second
To convince her to let him in
And she was right to worry
Since he left right after, fin.

It soon turned into three
'Cause that's when she stopped believing
She let him in, saying, screaming--
"Oh, please, just stop my grieving."

But that was too much pressure
And he was ill-equipped
To deal with such a girl
So sad, alone, and whipped.

So three faded into four
But he was nothing but mean
He did not love her, not one bit
And the things he did, obscene.

Five tried to save her
Oh yes, he truly tried
But she was much too broken
And sadly, their love died

Six is the devil's number
And there's a good reason why
He used her face as a cutting board,
Now she can't look him in the eye.

Seven could have been her everything
He was her greatest maybe
But neither of them were ready,
Torn apart by an unborn baby

Eight was a late night mistake
Fueled by drunken lust
Though in the morning, she denied it,
He was her needful, solid must.

Eight told nine about her
And he was rather struck
Nine was one of those guys,
The ones who only want to ****

And though she told him no
He simply didn't care
She was quiet, she was still
She pretended she wasn't there.

Ten came rushing in
He saw her eyes and scars
And he said, "There is no yours or mine,
There is only ours."

But she wasn't ready
And their love began to falter
By the time she wore her dress of white
She was fleeing from the altar

But eleven understood her past
She told him more each night
And he promised to be there
And help her put things right.

He waited patiently every day
For her to settle in
For her to remember who she was
Before she attempted to love him.

She remembered back to the days before
The days of one through ten
She realized there was more to her
Than to be an object of men

She started painting every day
She started baking pies
And in the process of filling up her world
She opened up her eyes.

She started to believe in herself
She managed to look in the mirror
She knew that she was worth something
And she stopped living in fear.

Eleven waited patiently
He held her hand when she cried
And she helped him with his demons, too.
She called him out when he lied

Their life together was not perfect
Love never really is
But it was something completely new
It was both hers and his

She never forgot about her demons
But she discovered she could forgive
She could make amends with her past
She could fight her sadness, she could live.

She kissed him softly every night
And he held her close each day
Their story is the living proof
That everything will be okay.
Charlotte Jul 2013
hail to the hero
and what a hero you are
you made girls believe in you
one by one
knocking them down
like bowling pins,
and i was your strike.
your marble eyes
caved me in
you struck me down
all at once
but it's the end of our game
and you left me
in pieces
Charlotte Dec 2013
we fought on christmas day
and i knew it was the end
but i decided to hold on
for just a little bit longer
because even though you are a stranger
you were once someone i loved
Charlotte Jul 2013
words drip
from friend's lips
a memento of coffee cups
and foamed cheeks
lost are the days of feeling alone
an empty cup filled
with warm memories of new days
made bright with new faces
and drinks made in order
to soothe your swollen heart
the evening fades
to a stardusted night
and a comforting solace
grows in our stomachs
a garden replenished
the dark seems less lonely
the stars seem so close by
no longer dead things
floating in
a desolate sky
so close in proximity
they seem almost
like our moonlit
freckles laughing
Written with Cadence Musick
Charlotte Feb 2013
a girl got hurt too many times
and she didn't want it anymore
her tiny form was shaking
at what else could be in store
since she was small
she was always afraid
so she cut out her heart
and threw it away
she cut out the sadness
the anger, the fear
she cut out anything
that made her shed a tear
she took her knife
and she cut her heart out clean
she didn't stop to think about
exactly what that'd mean
she cut out her desire
she cut out her sighs
she cut out all thoughts
of her eventual demise
she cut it all out
all that made her feel shattered
and it was too late when she realized
she cut out everything that mattered
her heart was still beating
but it was as cold as ice
and that's when she figured out
what makes this world so nice
the hurt and the pain
and the happiness too
all go together
there's no way to choose
what you want in your life
you have to take it all
either that or you cut out
every feeling, big and small
and this little girl
made up of bones and skin
wanted nothing more
than to let the feeling back in
but her heart was like winter
and her knife was cutting air
so she decided to feel
the last thing that was there
she stuck the knife deep
and she smiled as she died
because for the first time in a long time
she felt truly alive
Charlotte Feb 2014
the sun stroked my back
the same way you did.
we smiled shyly, and
i craved you so endlessly
for awhile.
you were my summer lover
a dream made
in the heat of the moment.
a dream made
out of the misery
of my endless winter.
you were my summer lover
and summer is over.
Charlotte Jul 2013
i love you and i can't breathe
without you, there's nothing left of me
i am nothing but an aching wrist
covered in blood
i am a mouth opened wide
but i can't make words anymore
you took my voice away
you took my golden smile
you took all that was left of me
and you've been gone awhile
Charlotte Dec 2013
don't give up
the feeling of catastrophe
don't give up
the feeling of life or death
that came with every boy's call
don't forget
that beautiful pain
when you see her
kissing the one you love
don't forget how you cried
and how you tore open your heart for a night
don't forget how it felt
to be young forever
flying down the street
in your beat up car
used long before you were born
believing that you were the king of the world
don't forget
that one day
you will forget
the painful feelings
of living like today
was your last day
Charlotte May 2013
violet
wrists
tell stories
no one wants
to hear
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