"are you okay?"

"of course I am."
"what could be wrong?"

something is wrong
something deep
drink another
dip another
snort another
let whatever is wrong die
the answer to the question at the end of the next bottle
***** your insecurities
leave them all behind
forget her and leave emptiness in her place
embrace it
your only companion
an empty heart left to an empty man
define yourself by them
define yourself by a girl attached to your hip
and pay the ******* consequeces
smile and laugh on the outside
but continue your internal bleeding
wipe away the blood from your nose
cover up the scars on your arms
and stare again at your empty phone
text her one more time and expect no response
drive through empty streets
feel comfort in knowing that your are alone

the night takes a turn
and it's no longer your friend-
holding your hair
with your head
in the toilet,
or taking you to see a movie-
the way colors can light up in the dark.
it's stars become hazy
and the hands that cradled you once
so gently,
become talons.
the night will eat you up little girl
and spit you out
into a painting abstract.
you'll be a crude cave drawing on a wall
dried blood so dark and brown
the night will have you either way
and the moon will look on
in melancholy

if i could stitch together
all the unanswered phone calls
and the stale nights
spent in a bed with
wide owl eyes,
there would be enough
patch work
to cover the whole continent
in my quilt of
stomach aches
and empty hands

i won't apologize for being naked,
for having this body god gave me.
i will always love couch change
and my grandmother's knitted
sweater.
no one can take me away,
and a push is not a
touch and these bruises aren't
my fault
and the lies you hear
about me
are ok,
but i won't apologize
for what they think
they know
because
this is my story to tell.

he was the kind of boy you'd
break all the rules for,
but you didn't know he'd break you.

i fell in love with a succubus
years ago
and he still
haunts my dreams
and every morning
i feel a little more
lifeless

every phone call ends in tears
and sleep becomes the devil

your father got drunk at your graduation
and i wanted to keep holding your hand.
you in your blue robes,
a white star in the sea,
your heart so palpable
like an artist's dreams.
your step-father pretended he cared,
but muttered under his breath during the procession
and i wanted to keep holding your hand.
i wished my fingers would grow like vines around your
palm
so you'd know i'd be there all along.
the ground may feel broken and your successes
made into background noise,
but you're my white owl
who carries all that is unseen
in your forest-touched eyes
and i believe that our hands,
as long as they're stuck together,
will give you the wings
to leave the rubble behind.

the kids in this town
like to crawl into the woods
with the scraggly trees
balding earth
snakes that feed
on futures
and they stay there,
hibernate
in this sleepy hollow
until one day their tongues have
slid back into their throats