Thank you for teaching me what love is and what love isn't
I thought it was you from the beginning
I was so blinded by the idea of living only you for life
Infatuations grew and grew I was so blinded by the idea of love at first sight
I vow to get over you and get over you
In ways that will make us both realize it was never true
I can say I enjoyed it
All the wasted times
Wasted tries
Wasted lies
For this figment I took as love was only love in disguise
Oh wow I feel blindsided by reality one more time
Telling me over and over that those memories will soon die
Like those flowers you despise received at the most inconvenient times
Thank you for teaching me what love is and what love isn't
The love I feel now is refreshingly different

I loved a sad girl once
And what I leaned is that
You can't always fix what's broken on the inside

You don't care about me
My thoughts are a reflection of the affection that you were supposed to show me
Broken from all of those promises you didn't keep
Teachings of how easily trust is broken
You were supposed to be there and so I'm always unavailable
You were supposed to protect me
And so I gave my heart to the one who smiled the brightest but hurt so badly
You were supposed to show up
And because I waited for you
I am always the one left waiting
You were supposed to teach me
Teach me to ride my bike
Teach me to drive a car
You were supposed to warn me about the pretty smiles and heart breakers
You were supposed to change because I heard once that the way little girls look at their dads is unlike any look she will ever give another man
You were supposed to be important
But your lack of effort made you less than that
You don't know how to love me
And my actions are a reflection of what you neglected to show me
You don't care about me

I think I've always been a little bit in love with you
Through every thing
Through the times that  I've hated you
And the times you've let me down
I think I've always been a little bit in love with you
Through the distance
The relationships
One night stands
And friends with benefits that left you hurting someone else
Because I think I've always been a little bit in love with you
When I'm high
When I'm low
And the days in between when I can not manage to go through a day without thinking about you
And that's when I realize that
I've been in love with you
A little bit
A little bit too often
A little bit too much
While you have been a little bit too selfish to notice

I cannot handle inconsistencies
Coming and going as you please but please just stay
Stay with me
Is that too much to ask for?
For I don't think I can handle you leaving again
Again and again and again
Again I'm stuck in this place
Place me higher on your totem pole of life
Life doesn't come with a handbook on being alone
Alone I stay since you always leave me while making me feel like you would stay
Stay with me
I cannot handle inconsistencies

I know a few things about loving the wrong person
They will make you feel
They will make you want
They will make you cry
I know a few things about loving the wrong person

I've always waited for you
From the flings that meant nothing to relationships that lasted a little too long
I've always waited for you
From scattered weekends filled with too much emotions and not enough time
I've always waited for you
From the times I've called it quits and one night stands with strangers
I've always waited for you
From the sleepless nights and 3AM talks
I've always waited for you
From the amount of times reassurance was only a message away and messages getting lost in confusion
I've always waited for you
From the fights about others and others being less than important
I've always waited for you
From feeling loved and never loving enough
I've since stopped waiting for you

-love letters of a trippy kind