ive seen the pictures and gifs of
when people go to far when
cutting.
and honestly, i get
so scared.
to think that people can just
open themselves up and
let blood pour and
spill and not have a
second thought about it
because they are just trying to
let their demons out.

but then i remind myself that
i do the same and that i
could end up on the
bathroom floor if i
dont be careful and
end this addiction
i have.

i
             don't
                                                          see
       what                    anyone
                    can
          see
                                  in anyone else
but



you

I.

i cut
my hair
i moved
away i
hid all
my life
and still
you find
me in
my dreams

II.

thirteen years
later trust
is still
a four
letter word
and i
don't drink
milk i
can't look
at Innocence's
face on
the carton

all of the poems i try to bleed feel incomplete
so that's why i haven't really written anything lately

i guess it's kind of like

sometimes you want something so much that you can feel it boring a hole through your soul
but when you get it you just go numb and your heart won't believe it

i guess.

i don't know.

maybe i just got so used to pessimism
or maybe i just got so used to everything being so dark

maybe i forget hope sometimes because i haven't been looking at Him

either way, i'm trying

not all those who wander are lost.